Ramblings about God

Quantum Entanglement and The Mystery of Prayer

2010-01-11T11:35:00.012-07:00

I think and read, quite often as a matter of fact, about quantum physics and the connection of all that is. It's actually called QUANTUM NON-LOCAL CONNECTION. Huh?? What this means is that when my atoms become entangled with yours, our atoms now move simultaneously across the distance. So think about this...we breathe molecules that have been on this earth and breathed endless times by every creature since the very first oxygen and nitrogen hooked up. I have breathed the same air as dinosaurs, cavemen and King Tut. Every atom I have ever taken into replenish my blood has been connected to other atoms take in by another throughout time. Even through the air we are all connected. We are, quite literally, space dust. I know, I'm weird..but I am not the only one. There are websites dedicated to proving our connectivity. There are movies made discussing quantum thoughts such as "What the !$#*&^%?" There are papers written from a scientific perspective stating this very thing.

What does this have to do with my thoughts on God? Well, the theory is that prayer works because all things are connected at the atomic level. The power of your mind and thoughts sends out small waves of energy that cause atoms to move. When we focus our minds on a person, place, thing the very energy of our thoughts is now focused and moving in sync with the atoms and elements of that person, place or thing. I know it sounds slightly insane and I have been accused of insanity more than once, but these theories ( have you ever noticed that theory and theology have God at the beginning....) have been tested. The Water Crystals of Masaru Emoto is a perfect example of this Prayer Thought in action. Thoughts and prayers both positive and negative were said over different samples of water and then the water was frozen to form crystals. The results were astounding. We as humans consist of 98% water. What would happen if we were to pray and meditate on good thoughts over the water of our bodies? What healing could occur? It's rhetorical, but one can only begin to imagine.

Monks, priests, nuns and others have used the power of prayer and meditation over the centuries to extend their lives, slow their hearts and see the divine. They affected their bodies on the level of the atom, the quantum if you will. They have proven that it works.

Positive thoughts create positive results because at the very fabric of all that is everything is connected or entangled if you will. Don't be fooled. Negative thoughts work in the same way. We can destroy our lives with negative meditation. Thoughts of self loathing such as, "I'm not good enough." and No one can ever love me." make those ideas to become true in reality as a self fulfilling prophecy. I believe it is possible to negatively affect the lives of others through negative thoughts and meditations.Why some one would feel the need to actually do this us beyond my ken, but I know that it happens and PERHAPS I am unknowingly guilty. Does my passing thought of distrust toward the man on the corner begging for my change cause an actual negative reaction in his life? Perhaps not in and of itself, but what of the hundreds of people a day who think exactly that same thought. What then? I wonder....

I suppose my point is this, I will pray for you if you would like. I will think good and meaningful thoughts about you and to you. I will think to move our entangled atoms in a wonderfully connected direction. I believe that the effect will be positive and good for you. I likewise believe that my good thoughts for you, make positive things occur in my life as well.

We are all connected at the fabric of the universe. It sounds like a great deal of wishful thinking. I like the sound of that.

Where Have I Been?

2010-01-03T13:28:00.006-07:00

All you have to do is look at my blog to see that I have disappeared. Where on earth did I go anyway? It seems that my life and my thoughts have been kidnapped by my daughter. I never meant for this blog to be about my child so I will start a new one dedicated to my life as a mother.

This needs to be about my thoughts and my thoughts on God, life, relationship and love.

I have actually been giving my life with God some very deep thoughts as of late. Mostly because of Cheryl's deep seated desire to go to seminary. The thought of it totally and completely scares me to death. Money, time, security and relationship... so many things come to mind as this all begins to happen. She says that she knows that God has called her and it has been that way since she was 16 or 17. The trouble is that I don't feel it. I don't know about her call. I believe that she believes it. I don't 'feel' that undeniable need to do this HUGE thing. I've always heard that if one partner knows about their "call" then certainly the other will feel the same way. Well, I'm not feeling it. I've prayed about it. I've talked to God about it. I've talked to Cheryl about it. I get nothing except this from what I can only say is most likely God, "I don't need your permission." Got it.

The thing is that I am not asking for permission. I would never think that God couldn't act without my input. I'm sure that my advice to God is something that would be found to be quite amusing. No. What I am asking for is clarity. It's been said that true faith is doing without knowing. Acting without sure knowledge. Hope in that which we cannot see. All this is fine and good, but....(There it is BUT. The big BUT.) BUT in my past I have almost always known what was the right thing for me to do in life. Go here, do this, I'm with you. God's assurance that the hand of the Creator was in it every step of the way. There may have been many tears. There was most certainly anger, doubt and a certain level of rebellion, but the assurance of what I was to do was always there.

Right now there is nothing. That assurance from God isn't there for me. So, I'm going with the flow. Wondering how I am ever going to retire. I am concerned that Jaida will never get the college education she will need without a great deal of assistance. What will we do for health care should it come to that? Will our relationship suffer for this? I can only sit back and say, "Okay, God. This is going to take a miracle. Bring it on! I dare you."

I know sacrilege. Blasphemy. Shame on me for challenging God. Fine. You go right ahead and point a finger at me and say, "God will get you for that." One can only hope. I pray that God proves me wrong. I pray that my doubt is shown weakness to God's strength. I pray that the miracles pour so fast and so furiously that I can't begin to comprehend their number. Because that is what it is going to take if we are going to get through this in one piece, as one family. Pray for us. We're going to need it.

Mushrooms & Cash

2009-11-03T19:04:00.002-07:00

Jaida thinks that mushrooms are, "Mmmmmm delicious!" Interesting.
She told me last night to ,"Chill!" Are you kidding me? Chill? Goodness!
This morning on her way out the door with the nanny to go to the zoo she says, "Can I have some money, Mom?" Ummmm she's 2 and almost a 1/2 and she already needs money. Lord, help us! I gave her a $5. She did say thank you many times over. At least she's grateful.
Her new tactic to staying up later....or trying to anyway...is to say that she "Wants to go in the living room for just 10 minutes. Just 10 minutes, Mom. JUUUUUUUST 10 minutes." What a negotiator!

Funny Kids!

2009-10-29T10:05:00.004-06:00

We are snow bound today. That means we are home trying to telecommute and watch a two year old at the same time. How is that going for you? HA! Anyway, Jaida is sitting next to me at the table with the Gold C Coupon book in hand asking me what color I want.

"Mama, you want blue or purple?"
"I want blue."
"Purple?"
"No, blue."
"Okay. You want purple."
"I guess so."

You see how it goes? I get no choice at all and really that's just fine. The other day we were doing an alphabet puzzle and right in the middle Jaida stops looks at me and says, "I can't do this, Mom. I'm too busy."
"You're busy? What are you busy doing."
"I am just busy, Mom."
"Okay. Off you go to your busy 2 1/2 year old life."
I'm not sure exactly how busy a two year old is or what they are doing that makes them so very busy, but it will interrupt the flow of puzzle doing. And I find that quite amusing!

Faith and the Ghost of Nanny G.

2009-10-18T16:31:00.007-06:00

I never really knew my grandmother on my mother's side. She died when I was very young. She actually died when she was very young. She was in her forties if I recall correctly. My mom could tell me. I do remember the day she passed. I was maybe 4 0r 5 at the most. We lived in Greeley and I wasn't in school yet so I must have been closer to four. I remember my mom was distraught and I was drinking 7up out of a bottle. The 7up stood out in my mind because we very rarely had pop of any kind. We had Kool-aid. I was too young to understand what it meant that my grandmother had died and what that meant to my mother. The 'she's my mom's mom' didn't equate in my brain. Most of it was a blur from that point. We went to her house and watched as people roamed around and moved things out. I don't remember faces or names. I do remember the emotions and sadness that permeated the group. There was also an odd sense of relief. You see my grandmother was an alcoholic. It is very sad to say that I never knew my Nanny G. because she literally drank herself to death. Sclerosis of the liver took her from us. No, alcohol took her from us. Addiction. Pain. Anguish and Shame took her from us. How do I know? Because a person doesn't drink like she did without having all of those things in her life. I will never know why she didn't stop. I'll never know if she wanted to. I'll never know a lot of things about her.
I do know this. My mother says I must sound like her because I sound like my mom who sounded just like her mom. I am the only one in my family with green eyes just like her. My dad says that she was a beautiful woman. I can believe that because my mother quite a looker. I look like my dad. Not to say that my dad's not a looker:) I just wonder what it would have been like to know her. Am I anything like her at all? Sometimes I think if I look hard enough in the mirror I will see a part of her in me. Can I sing the way I do because of her?
I say all of this because she's around sometimes. I can feel her in my life now and again. I know it sounds odd, but I am not one to deny that she is there watching over me. I hope that she's proud of me even though I never knew her. She says she is....:)

Growing up so Fast!

2009-10-01T14:25:00.007-06:00

Time flies so fast. I really never thought it would. When I was young the days would often crawl by, Sundays especially. Now it's October and my daughter is almost 2 1/2. It may not seem like much, but when she was asleep on my chest last night all I could think was how LONG she was. She was only 17" long when she was born and when she curled her feet under her she was just about this big. :) She had her head on my upper chest and her feet were touching my knees. Her cold, bare feet, mind you. IN the middle of the night....in her bed.... You get the picture. But it was love all the way. I went in her room the other night to check on her and thought to myself, "Whose child are you in Jaida's bed? You're so tall! And such a little girl. No longer that tipsy toddler I held hands with as you walked."
My mom said it would go by fast and to be sure and love every minute of it. I'm trying. I remind myself when I want to get angry at the spilled beans all over my carpet (dry beans thank goodness) that she is only two and one day I will miss the beans on the floor. I think I already do.

Super Two Year Old

2009-09-24T22:20:00.003-06:00

Okay, the terrible twos are real. OMG! However, while my daughter is cranky, obstinante and honery, she is very polite about it. Jaida have some carrots. "No, thank you." Time to brush your teeth. "No, thank you, Mommy Kandis." Eat your dinner, Jaida. "No, thank you. I no want dinner."

Now mind you I am not ASKING her IF she by chance would LIKE to brush her teeth, eat dinner, have carrots. I am telling her, and yet instead of just saying 'NO! I don't want to.' She replies with a heart felt and at times teary eyed. 'No, thank you.'

I want to be so kind with God. Here is a dose of learning patience, my child. 'No, thank you.' Kandis, you really need a lesson in faith. 'No, Thank you very much, God.' It's not as if He/She is actually ASKING me if I want a lesson in any given virtue. No it's a dose of carrots I really don't want to eat.

Now I know how God must feel. It's funny and cute, but in the end it really doesn't matter what I want. I am going to get my lesson, eat my carrots of faith and there isn't much that I can do to stop it.

No, thank you.

Jaida Speaks

2009-08-29T08:01:00.004-06:00

As Jaida gets older, and more versed in her vocabulary, she's not saying so many cute things, but she is a tad more profound. This morning she said , "Thank you, mommy. Not very much. Just a little. Okay?" I had to smile. Thank you just a little. Now that is a very interesting concept. I don't want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I only want to thank you from the TOP of my heart. From the very shallowest portion of my thankfulness. I suppose she's right. There are things you are VERY thankful for....like a new kidney and there are things that you are thankful for on the surface. Like kidney beans. I find it fascinating that she is able to discern between those things she is very thankful for, like milk in the morning, and those things that she is only thankful for a little bit, such as handing her a green marker.

I am deeply thankful for the opportunity to watch her grow and begin to understand that she needs to show thankfulness. That she understands appreciation for what she has and what people do for her. The very fact that she can tell you she only wants to thank you a little bit proves on another level that there are things for which she is very thankful. And that is awesome and I am thankful!

My "Unkind" Jesus

2009-08-24T22:19:00.011-06:00

This is in response to a conversation that has been on going in Monday's ITL service.

I want to start this conversation with an approximation of what I THINK I heard and understand about our group leader's understanding of what Jesus was, who he was and what his purpose was while here while in the tabernacle of flesh with us. What I heard was that 'Jesus was not a very kind person', actually that was an exact quote as I wrote it down, and that he was 'following an agenda' during the span of his life. Also a quote. I didn't ever hear any clarification on those statements so I can only assume that that they are a belief held by the person speaking. I've also heard it said that "the pastor says that Jesus said many things that were unkind or Jesus said unkind things...."

Now, taking into consideration those sayings and thoughts, I must make a rebuttal. While the sayings and many teachings of Jesus were hard, I find it difficult to determine that Jesus was in and of Himself unkind. I find it more plausible to say that Jesus spoke the truth and the truth, while not unkind, can be very difficult to hear.

Some would say that he was quite often angry. Perhaps, but his anger was always directed at those who kept people away from worshiping God in the form that they knew and believed would bring them closer to God. His angry dissertation to the Pharisees and Sadducees was out of their haughty application of God's law. They lived worshiping money, seeking praise in the eyes of the congregation and using their power to allow the rich and disallow the destitute.

"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the kingdom of heaven in men's faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to. Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cummin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former.

Much like the people of Sodom and Gomorrah they forgot to care for those less fortunate and the hospitality of God. They ignored Justice, Mercy and Faithfulness. Jesus was not unkind to them. He spoke the very truth he saw.

Some will point to the time when Jesus' mother and brother were waiting at the door for him and he used that moment to teach. It never said that he didn't eventually go out to them. Instead he asked the rhetorical question of, "Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?" 49 Pointing to his disciples, he said, "Here are my mother and my brothers. 50 For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother." While seemingly unkind to his mother, The Blessed Mary Mother of God, his lesson was this; here is the true and eternal family. There is no marriage in 'heaven' as there are no bonds of family. The 'family', THIS family here will be an eternal connection through God. Hard to hear. Unkind? I don't think so.

He called a Gentile woman a' dog' when she l cried after him for attention and healing for her daughter. He didn't actually call her a dog. He called the Gentile nation dogs. He came to teach the Jews and this outsider wanted the blessings, meant for the "Children of God", from him. This email is already too long to explain it all....suffice it to say that her tenacious desire for mercy from Christ was an example to all who read the passage in context. He used her continuous pleas as a lesson to those who were chosen for the feast of Christ. She asked for even the crumbs of the truth he offered. He ultimately healed the daughter as we knew he would. He never turned any away.

To say outright that Jesus was not very kind slaps in the face all that I believe about Jesus. He said the most Kind and Merciful thing I have ever heard or read and likely ever will.

7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." 8 Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

9 At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10 Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"

11"No one, sir," she said.

"Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."

Just to clarify/define sin..That which is NOT of faith is sin. This is sin....if it is not of faith.

The most amazingly kind words I have ever heard. He was offering her GRACE. The kindness of Jesus shines so brightly in this one passage that I need no other to know that the Jesus I follow was a kind and graceful man. "NEITHER DO I CONDEMN YOU!" Meaning: I pass no judgement on you, although I, above all others, have the authority to do so. I want you to go now with the grace that will change the very fiber of who you are, making you into a new person, and follow a life of faith.

There are more examples that I will not go into in depth like things about children coming to him, healing the leper because of his willingness to do so.

Yes, Jesus had an agenda. Spread the truth about who God is. Spread the truth about freedom through Grace. Spread love by example. Love one another as I have loved you. These things are true, but to say that everything that Jesus did was agenda driven is making a mockery of who Jesus was as a person. It takes away any free will Jesus had. The woman with the issue of blood was not a planned step of Jesus agenda and yet she was healed by merely touching his robe.

I guess I just take umbrage at all the "Jesus wasn't very kind, Jesus was politically driven, Jesus had an agenda" view of deity. Jesus was God, the Word who was and is and always shall be. Who dwelt among us for our sakes. 14 The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. And let me add...kindness.

Am I wrong? I don't think so.

I love my life

2009-07-14T14:40:00.002-06:00

I went to my 30th HS reunion last Saturday and had a blast. It was interesting to watch all the people interact after such a long time. But the one thing I came away with is how very much I love my life. I know that sounds strange, but hear me out. I pray that I have changed and grown over the years. I saw people who were exactly the same 'partiers' & rock and rollers they were in school. The ones who didn't know when to say when then and now. There were those who were awesome then as now. Then I saw the few who were very different and new in who they were. One woman had lost 150 pounds and was thrilled with who she had become. There was one who through the death of a child had turned to God in a new and amazing way. I found a God who loved me for who I am and I try to let that reflect in the way I am with people. I had one woman come up and tell me to my face what an ass I had been. It was quite a revelation that she saw me that way. BUT it's not a surprise after I think about it. I am an arrogant know it all and I am sure that I was the same way in HS. I hope and pray that I have changed enough for people who knew me then could notice a change in the me I am NOW.

I am happy to see that I have changed. I am happy to see that I have grown in a good way. There was a singer in church who sang a song that basically said I am not who I want to be but thank goodness I am not who I was. Let's pray that in 30 more years I will be proud to say that I am thankful that I am not who I was 30 years ago!

Jaida said....

2009-06-05T12:51:00.006-06:00

I love Taz all much! Taz is one of the family cats. Now that's cute! We were at McDonald's in play land and I was trying to get her to come down the slide. I yelled up the'tube' slide to her that I was waiting for her so come on. "No." Come on, J. "No." I love you, J. "Love you, too." Come down the slide. "No. I need help." Come on, sweetheart. Mama's waiting. "No. Mama come help, Jaida. K?" Okay. How can you say no to that?

Jadia found a lighter the other day and brought it to me. She handed it over and asked me to "make it the happy birthday, mommy." Bad she had the lighter...good she knew it would make her happy birthday!

What Jaida Did Today

2009-05-31T10:18:00.004-06:00

I sat on the toilet while J wet a brush and did my hair. She made me bend all the way over so that she could reach. It was cold and drippy, but very cute! Yesterday we went swimming and she smiled so much I thought her face would hurt later. She's getting a big girl bed today...she's growing too fast!

How Sad

2009-05-24T21:48:00.008-06:00

I just found out that Cheryl's brother in law didn't come to her parents 50th wedding anniversary because Cheryl and I would be there as a couple. In a relationship .... a monagamous...long term...loving amazing relationship. How very sad for him. You see he is a priest. An Episcopal Priest....Father SO and SO....Holy Man of God and teacher of the ways of Jesus. REALLY? Let's have a look.....

Jesus went with the Sumaritian woman at the well to her home town and into her very home. She was the sworn enemy of his people....not only that but she was a woman of more than questionable marital history. The woman of MANY sins washed his feet with her tears and he allowed it even though she wasn't his wife. Jesus chose Matthew the tax collector as one of his closest followers. Jesus told the story of the Good Samaritan. Jesus was humble enough to wash the feet of those who would serve him. Jesus told the woman caught in adultery, the one who who was being stoned, "Neither do I condemn you. Go and your sins are forgiven." Although I don't believe that I am sinful or evil because of my orientation, many others do. But should it really matter if you are a Christ like person and not only that a man of "God"? (This is certainly not MY God who is a God of unconditional love and unending grace.)

Think about this: This is what Jesus had to say to the church leaders...You are a brood of vipers! Hypocrites and white washed tombs filled with dead men's bones. You are dishes that are filthy on the inside and yet are only cleaned the outside. Which one are you, Brian? It's funny Jesus didn't say "Condemn and reject one another as I have condemned and rejected you. By this shall all men know that you are my disciples, if you have hate and disdain for one another." No. Jesus said, 'LOVE and ADORE one another in just the same manner that I have loved and adored you. Through this action the entire world will see that you are TRUE followers of Me and you have understood my message." LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF! My GOD!

Where did that message get lost? Must have gotten tangled up in all of those robes they make him wear.

Ten Years

2009-04-19T14:58:00.008-06:00

Many churches today, April 19th, 2009, celebrated Earth Day. That's great! I think it's awesome. Today at my church we commemorated the 10 years it has been since Columbine. It's funny. I don't have to say anything else and you know what I'm talking about. I don't have to mention that it was a tragic day or that innocent children were killed. I don't have to mention the impact it had on the way we live our lives or how we send our children to school. You KNOW what Columbine means. But do you know the victories that came out of that one tragic day in history?

Patrick Ireland spoke at our church today. He was the young man known as 'the boy in the window'. He spoke at our church because that was the church of his family at the time. His life, after that one day, was forever changed and yet filled with quiet and assured victory. He went on to graduate magna-cum-laude from Colorado State University. He is now married and a field director for Northwestern Mutual Financial Network in Denver. He told us this morning that each day is a day that needs to be lived in victory and not defeat.

It's not just Patrick who lives this way. Charlie Simmons. My buddy! Charlie is one of the most amazing men I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. He was at Columbine that day and now hates the smell of freshly cut grass. They had just mowed the lawn that morning and the scent hung in the air along with the fear and terror. But, Charlie goes through life not wallowing in the events of Columbine, but he lives a life filled with vigor and a spark that is contagious. He serves those around him and even those in foreign lands. It's a good way to live.

There are others such as Gretchen. A woman with the heart of an angel and a voice to match, a math teacher who took her students under her wings and led them to safety.

Steve said in his sermon today that heaven and hell met that day. I believe that. And I'm pretty sure that heaven won.

Things That Jaida Says II

2009-04-18T19:00:00.004-06:00

As Jadia gets older by the day she says more and more amazing and amusing things. This is a continuation of my previous post.

Cheeses loves me for a Bible tell me so! (This to her grilled cheese sandwich)

"Who is this, J?" (Pointing to a picture of Jesus)

Punkin King (the man across the street who is famous for carving pumpkins at Halloween. He happens to have long hair and a beard)

Ashes! Ashes! Upside down!

Phone rings "Who do you think that is, J?"

Proly Grammy (She's probably right)

I was looking for a certain street while driving. I said, "Hummmm."

"No, Mom."

"No what, J?"

"NO HUMMM!" (ooookay)

'I need gum."

'Want milk...worm" (warm)

Things I never thought I would hear..

2009-03-30T14:01:00.011-06:00

Jaida 22 months

The last time we were together I wrote about things I never thought I would say. Well, my daughter is saying things I never thought I would hear. And here are just a few..

Jaida. I bit her tongue. (Well, at least it was her's and not mine:)

I broke head. (I hate when that happens)

Snow is yucky. No play. (I agree!)

Go away wall! Go away! (Bumping your head can have adverse reactions)

You do it, mom. You do it.

Eat it, mom. Eat it! (EWWW No thank you)

No NO! Door! (Stubbing your toe can make you very angry at inanimate objects)

Dolly is poopy. Change diaper (have you ever tried to put a diaper on a Barbie? good luck!)

Hi Honey! Home. (I love that!)

I working. (diaper clad with sunglasses and purse in hand)

I helping. (usually punching the keys on the computer while I am trying to work)

Airplane in blue sky. (brilliant!)

I drew it a lil bug. (budding artist)

Mama's 'puter. Put down. (I want your attention)

No like it. (very opinionated)

Like it. (ditto)

It's winny! (windy)

man have it funny. (huh?)

NO PUSH YOU! BAD MOM! (it was an accident!)

No touch you.

No look you!

No talk you! (NO anything you)

Glasses on head.

Like it. Goose and mommy. (I like cous cous and edemame)

Potty dance!

Lalalalalalala (singing)

Mama Cheryl home. (Mama Cheryl is at home.)

Xena, mon. (Come on Xena (the cat))

Xena, are you? (Where are you)

I hiding.

are Xena go? (i just screamed at the cat at the top of my lungs while chasing her and I'm not sure where she went or why)

more shubean (More jelly beans)

lellow one ( i want a yellow jellybean)

a mommy go? (She's hiding)

Dammit! (Uh oh)

tickers. i like em (OMG I'm wearing stickers on my tummy! give me more!)

Mommy Cheryl, shake a bottom! Shake it, mommy shake it! (hummm)

The big trucks outside dig dirt. (that's a 7,000 plumbing repair, honey)

There's lot of dirt! (Yes, there is)

Be naked, mom! (I want to be naked. Mom does not want to be naked)

I bite Jaida's shoes. (She was eating her shoes in the back seat)

More Cocolate (no 'ch' sound) (What woman doesn't love Cocolate?)

Dolly go potty? (Dolly on the potty with Jaida)

Yup, Yip, Yep. (Meaning yes)

Brush Amy Tasha's hair? (Jaida has two Barbie's. Amy and Amy Tasha)

I no sit cat. (Now go say you're sorry!)

Amy Tasha side down. (Amy Tasha is upside down)

Go away shark. Get in the big truck! (REALLY go away shark!)

I drive.

I go work. Bye bye, Frank! See you layer.

Frank. Chen! (Frankie get out of the kitchen!)

Xena! Peeble! (Xena get off the table!)

"Hey, J. Are you hungry?"

I want food. (yes, i'm hungry)

"What kind of food, J?"

Orange food, mom. (the best kind)

Knuckles, mom. (We rock! :)

I have pony hair. (pony tails)

There will be more to this as the day goes on. I'll keep you posted:)

Things I never thought I would say

2008-11-25T12:04:00.009-07:00

Being a mom is a new and exciting adventure and I find that I am saying things that in my normal, sane, non-child influenced life I would never say. I am going to take this opportunity to begin to try to document some of those things. These are the ones I can remember so far.

JAIDA! Don't stick your finger in the dog's...ew.
Please don't color on me.
Jia, honey, we don't draw on people in church.
Is that dog food or cat food in your mouth?
The dog really doesn't want your broccoli.
Don't eat the crayons, rocks, marbles, wood, stickers, toilet paper, magazine, please.
Don't stick your finger in my nose, eye, ear, mouth, please.
No, I don't want a bite of that as I am not really sure of what it might be.
Jadia, please don't bite Liam's foot.
No, diaper cream doesn't go on your face.
When you're done with dinner you don't just throw it on the floor, okay?

Where did you get that pizza?

Why is my toothbrush wet?

Funny Little Christians

2008-10-02T12:07:00.010-06:00

Why oh why do Christians act like hate mongers? It makes no sense to me in any fashion. They will tell you that they are not filled with hate, but as Jesus described hate as calling your brother a fool, then I say yes they do.
Question: How do we know that we are so right?
Faith. So how, with only faith to go on, basically a gut feeling, can we tell the entire rest of the world that they are wrong and condemned to hell??? WILL SOMEONE PLEASE ANSWER THAT?
This is faith, people. Yes, I believe that Jesus is the Messiah. I believe it with every fiber of my being. But I wasn't there when the Spirit filled Jesus and raised Him from the dead. I wasn't there when Jesus healed the sick and the blind and neither were you.
I have a book in my hand written by men (inspired by God) that tells me these things. Here is the good part. Most of that book was written BEFORE Jesus was born or AFTER Jesus ascended to the right hand of the Father. Meaning that we had to take it on faith from there on out and MEN had to determine the true meaning of what Jesus might have meant. I think that they got it right for the most part. God is Love. Love your neighbor and God and these are all the rule there are to follow. There is now no condemnation to those in Christ. But then we have the I don't let a woman teach me or speak in the church that Paul spoke of. He said that this was him speaking and Not the Lord. It's not a commandment. It's not a law. Paul wanted women to not ask questions of their husbands during the service and it was distracting when they did so is all he meant. At that time women were not educated in the way they are today. They might not have understood the things we do today. My thought I suppose is this. There is tons of good stuff in our Bible and some that is interpreted wrong by people today. With all of this incorrect interpretation someone is bound to be condemned by someone else. God says this and God says that about how you live your life. You can't be a Christian because you're gay. You are going to hell because you're Muslim. The beloved children of God condemned to an eternal existence of torture and pain. I'm not sure what a loving God really has in mind for us, but I am finding it hard to believe that Christ died so people could still go to hell. I'm not sure what either what God has in mind and I don't pretend to know. I do know that God is just and justice not condemnation will be served.
The point is this. You don't know anything for absolute certainty and how can one be condemned by you or me based on a gut feeling? Where is your physical evidence? This isn't even circumstantial. This is hearsay. Jesus told someone who told someone who told us.
My friends who follow Buddha and Islam believe as strongly as we do that they are right and we are misled. Infidels I think they call us just as we call them heathens. Their faith says we are wrong just as strongly as we say they are.
I would love to tell you of my faith and let you tell me of yours and let's leave the judgments to God shall we?

Crazy Coincidence

2008-10-02T10:19:00.002-06:00

In my last post I talked so eloquently about teachers and learning the lesson etc. I should really learn to keep mu mouth shut. A few days after this I was laid off from my job for the fourth time in three years. THAT will test your faith! We need for me to work. )As a side note: One more thing I want for my daughter is for her to get a degree....in anything! you don't have to use it you just have to have it.) I have spent the past two weeks looking for a job and it's not been easy. There are not a ton of jobs out there to be had right now and all the scams online test my patience. BUT I have honest to goodness faith that there is something out there that is better for me than the last thing. There always is. The past three years have been a real test. I quit my own business to go into Real Estate. WOW that was bad timing. But I learned so much about how to do so many things that I can take those skill now and get a job that I never would have qualified for in the past. I guess all this means is that I am hoping beyond hope for the best and that hope comes by faith..
I can't stand these doggone lessons!

Interesting things

2008-09-17T13:12:00.009-06:00

I have been listening to Wayne Dyer lately and he said something that really struck me. He said, and the quote comes from another source, "When the student is ready the teacher will come."
Now doesn't that sound nice? Student and teacher. Great learning. Deeper Understanding.
It struck me as I thought more intently on this that learning a deep and great lesson is not always what we might expect.
I have been taught so many lessons that I had no desire to learn it's crazy. I never wanted to learn heartache so profound that I didn't want my life to continue. However, having learned that heartache, I can show compassion to those with breaking hearts. I'm not sure I wanted to learn the harsh reality of abuse, but I did. Now I can give sympathy and support borne from experience to those who are being abused or have been in some fashion. Suffering years with Chronic Fatigue gave me a new understanding of those who suffer daily with exhaustion and depression.
On the other side, I have discovered a God love so deep that I know that I am never alone in the universe no matter how far I travel. I have gained a joy so amazing in my daughter and my partner that it has taken up residence in my very soul. I have learned from the gentle nature of my cat who prods me from my work that soft fur can calm the heart.
You see, the teacher comes in many forms and the lessons can be harsh, but the learning makes us complete in who we are. I am not yet complete and the lessons will continue both good and harsh.
I'll thank the teachers now.....I may not want to later.

What I Want My Daughter to Learn

2008-04-10T12:14:00.011-06:00

I had an interview yesterday with a woman who is studying 'a group other than her group' meaning she's Mormon and I'm a lesbian. Not that any of this matters, but during the interview she asked me a question that I has been on my mind ever since. That question is, "What do you want your daughter to learn?" At the moment my answer was quite the norm I suppose. I want her to learn to be kind and love others. I want her to know God and that God loves her even more than I do. Nice sweet answers. But I want her to learn so much more.

I want my daughter to learn:

That there is no one in the world more wonderful than she is.
That she is no more wonderful than anyone else.
We are all amazing and wonderful in our own ways.
That animals are fantastic creations that can teach us a great deal about love.
That it is good to ask why.
The reason the sky is blue.
The reason we adopted her.
The three "Rs"
How to cook.
Everything she needs to know to get ahead.
To share.
That the meaning of life is living.
Table manners.
The magic of 'Please and Thank You'.
That sometimes Mom is wrong.
That most of the time Mom is right.
How to apologize when she does something that causes another person pain.
To say please and thank you.
To be strong in the face of defeat.
To be gracious in victory.
To have compassion for others.
To defend those who cannot defend themselves.
To stand up to bullies.
To use her words first.
Tae Kwon Do
How to eat well.
To love exercise and how good it can make you feel.
To fit in and yet still be her own person.
To be proud of who she is and what she believes.
To be respectful of those who believe differently than she does.
That debate is one thing and that arguing is another.
To behave the same when someone is watching as when no one is.
To approach life with an open mind.
To think before she speaks.
To speak the truth in love.
To always have a vivid imagination.
To know that I have never in my life loved anyone or anything, except the Lord above, more than I love her.
To never give or loan anything to anyone that she can't live without.
To be generous with her time and talents as well as her money.
To be wise with her time, talents and money.
To dream big dreams.
To never be afraid of accomplishing big things.
That time is a precious commodity.
To tell the truth all the time.
Be honest with herself as well as others.
That spelling words correctly is very important.
That using good grammar is as important as spelling.
Getting a college degree is by far one of the most important things you need in life!
These are from Grammy:

That Jesus loves you

That Grammy and Grampy adore and love you

That your mommas are very smart and love you unconditionally

That this life is the time to prepare to meet God

That baby kitties smell so sweet

That puppies will bite - but it is all in love.

That turning the cheek isn't easy but worth it most of the time.

That life is short, so we have to try to be good every day.

That hard work is good for the soul.

That where much is given, much is expected.

To be continued.....

I'll have a cup of God, Please

2008-01-23T09:12:00.004-07:00

They were talking yesterday on the radio about "Soul Issues". I'm not sure exactly what that means, but the response from the young man about or to whom they were speaking was, "But I go to church every week." Think about that. "I go to church every week." Are we so incredibly blinded by 'religion' that we think 'going to church' is the answer to our soul issues? Before we begin this, let me state emphatically that I think going to church is a good thing and I am in no way opposed to it, BUT going to church isn't ever going to deal with any issues of the soul. The only way to deal with issues of the soul is to discover your conduit to touching the Face of God. I believe that we as humans are created with a certain need, desire, longing to connect with something that is much bigger than we could ever imagine. To capture Joy in a bottle if you don't want to call it God. Having given this some thought I began to realize the obvious. We are so busy filling our lives with junk food time wasters that we don't have time to see that we have forgotten our quest. We play the Wii, we watch "The Girls Next Door", we cruise the internet, we drink, we do drugs, we find anything we can do to avoid being alone with our own thoughts. We seek so desperately to fill that 'soul emptiness', which craves fullness, with anything that comes along. Some people will eat themselves to death to be filled. We all do something. Going to Church is only another thing we do that we think will make us feel full, but for some it only lasts as long as we are sitting in the pew. When we walk out the door it now becomes our responsibility to find that conduit. I know people who don't go to church who will tell you that they know God intimately through skiing. Of course. How awesome to look down on the perfect run on a crisp winter day in the midst of a glorious creation. Imagine taking that deep breath before you push off. How AMAZING! My personal conduit is music. I feel the presence of the holy, the Joy, the Creator, or whatever you wish, when I listen to, sing or write music. It often brings such joy to me that I can't control my emotions and I know that there is something bigger than I am flowing through that sound. Some people write while others paint. My mother rides her horse. Tibetan monks meditate and find that connection in silence. There is something in all of this that is common. There is nothing false or contrived about any of these things. They are creative, introspective or touching nature in some fashion. It is time for us to take a break. Stop right now and take a deep breath. Find your Soul Healing in that conduit. Find your path. Your soul will be satisfied.

Is this Success?

2008-01-10T08:52:00.001-07:00

For the second day in a row the Dom and Jane raido show gave me something to think about. Here is my letter to them:

I never have time to call when you guys have the BEST subjects, but it gives me time to think and absorb the gravity of certain things.
While I was contemplating the definition of success I came to a startling conclusion that actually brought a tear to my eye. Let me tell you a true story.
My brother’s girlfriend, whom he loved deeply, contracted ovarian cancer. By the time it was discovered it was much too late to treat. For 6 long and agonizing months she suffered while this nasty disease ravaged her body. In the waning moments of her life the last word she spoke was “Finally.”
Her success was in leaving this life. She was finally released from pain and suffering. She was living for that one moment when she could let go. I came to realize in an epiphany moment that sometimes 'success' is death.
I realized that in our society we mostly think on success as the material. I have nothing against success and money. GOD no! I love money! But my success comes from other things. Watching my baby smile as I come in the door, taking the perfect picture, learning a new skill. My success is the living of life. To others it’s the attaining of the goal. To some it’s leaving this life and moving on to another.
But no matter how we define it success can be life or death and it’s just that simple.

Too depressing? Call me Captain Bring Down.

Soul Mates

2008-01-09T09:46:00.002-07:00

This was my response to a discussion that took place on a local radio rpogram Dom and Jane on MIX100. A woman called in and said that everything that happens was meant to happen and

there is really no free will:

Soul mates & meant to happen. WOW! I love this kind of mind candy!
If you believe in a grand design or a designer, call it God, the Power, the Creator, or the Beginning of all things, there are things that are meant to happen or exist. The rotation of the earth, weather and gravity to name a few. Without such we are without life as we know it and the Creator meant to make these things happen. BUT just because weather is meant to be doesn't mean that tornados are meant to rip apart Midwest towns. It doesn't mean that droughts are meant to cause the deaths of millions of people a year. Gravity is not meant to cause airplanes to crash or children to fall out of trees. My supposition is this, things are not meant to happen, but things might happen for a reason. Better stated maybe all of the things that happen have a purpose. This thing that happened…not 'Why did it happen?', but rather "What is there that I can take away from it?". Example, I was in an abusive relationship that ended up with me in the hospital and her in jail. I take full responsibility for the choices I made to get me to that place. IT DIDN'T JUST HAPPEN. I may not be to blame, but we all have a certain amount of responsibility in getting ourselves into certain situations. I digress. My choices are this,
Do I let this ruin me for life and make me a bitter victim….or do I choose to learn from all of it? The pain, the humiliation, the violence are all a portion of what happened. I don't think this was meant to happen, but there is a lesson, purpose, reason I can find to change me for the better?
I was at the train station thinking about exactly the crux in all of this and I came up with the oldest question in the world. "What is the meaning of life?" My answer (for me) is this. The meaning of life is living. Making choices and not having them made for me by some big hand in the sky. There are great things to be learned and explored and enjoyed. The more I live these things the closer I am to that Higher Power let's call it Joy. Not God or etc…. But Joy. If I can find good lessons in bad things that happen then I live closer to Joy. BUT I can also say the egg broke because I dropped it not because anything is destine to occur. I accept my free will and move on with my living life for the purpose of Joy.
Not all people live for Joy and that's fine. It makes things interesting. The meaning of their life is still living. Maybe they are living for Anger or Grief. Unfortunately, these people's lives that are angry and grief stricken sometimes makes it difficult for those of us living for Joy to have a good time. BUT when those bad living people do things that affect good people….we have to find a good thing to take out of it.
And No, it doesn't always work that way. I'm not pie in the sky, but I am out to let eggs get broken and make scrambled eggs.

Kandis

1111

2007-12-26T21:32:00.000-07:00

1111- What the heck is this all about? My partner Cheryl and I have been seeing 1111 in some form of fashion for years. She well before I. The clock, the car, the computer, phone conversations lasting 11min 11 seconds, chalk boards, newspapers, cash receipts... The list goes on. I actually have a collection of 1111 things. We bought a 1/2 gallon jar of olives for a party. We got home and the lid read that it was packed at 1111. The UPS driver tried to deliver a package at 11:11. We know because they left a message on the door. I drove to the wrong house once...the address was 1111. I needed to go one block over. The e-mergency packet a friend at work gave me has 1111% of the daily recommended dose of vitamin C. The phone rings at 11:11 all the time. It's usually Cheryl. Our daughter's birth date 5+2+4=11 Her weight 4+7=11 She was small.... the circumference of her head and her length = 11. It goes on. Our wedding date 0+8+1+0+0+2=11. I suppose if you add the other 2 in 2002 it is 14, but then you have to add the time of the wedding and that was 6 and 1+4+6=11. I guess what I am saying is that this isn't coincidence. I have read many things about what it means and the best one I can come up with is the universe tapping us on the shoulder. By the way....Don't forget that we are all one or 1. Just 1111 Quantum physics and Plankes theory tells us that we are all, at the VERY core of existence, at the very deepest level, connected. I believe that we are and this is how praying for another person works even when they don't know you're praying. Our very own energy is able to effect the atoms around us sending out a message to the other person's atoms around them that there is good energy coming their way.
For anyone who thinks that this is heretical thinking isn't remembering who it was that made this universe and all the laws of physics that govern it. God made everything and then connected it all at the atomic level so that we could have the power of God at our finger tips. We just don't remember that we know this. How do you think faith healing works? The Power of God to effect the physical realm through the unseen. Jesus walked on water. Do you suppose he knew the secret that it's all one?

Changing Perspectives

2007-12-19T12:45:00.001-07:00

You know there are so many times in our lives that we come to pivital points and make decisions that change everything. Or we discover things about ourselves or those around us that refocus the way we see things in our lives. Take having a child as an example. My Partner and I just adopted a gorgeous little girl who will just make your heart melt. No one could have told me how MUCH my life would change at the very moment she took her first breath. EVERYTHING changed. My life is no longer my own. I live to see her and touch her and hold her close. I would die to see her smile if that was what it would take. Instead I sing "99 Bottles of Milk on the Wall" and that does the trick. I make a fool of myself for her. Not that I didn't before, but now I have a reason. When someone told me that my life would be different, I thought, ' I'm sure it will.' HA! I listened, but I had no capcity to hear. Come to find out it was more than a change, it was a complete undoing and rebuilding and the construction is still occurring. When someone used to say, "Unless you have a child, you can't understand." I was insulted and yes damn it I do understand. Again, HA. No I didn't and no you can't either unless you have a child.

I have a new and profound appreciation for my own mother who raised five of us. 5 CINCO FIVE. That was another thing you could have said. 'You won't really love your mother until you have children of your own.' Now I did love my mother, but now that love comes with understanding of a sacrifice that I had no comprehension of before that. Mothers give up everything for their children....well not everything. I still work and I still love to play on my computer, but now I go to work keeping in mind that baby needs diapers. I sit at the computer while she plays with the keys.
I see my friendships differently and unfortunately they are divided into who loves my child and who doesn't. That maybe harsh, but the ones who have children and who love children see the world through similar glasses now.
We see with baby goggles.

Blood or No Blood?

2007-07-10T10:24:00.001-06:00

Yes ladies and germs- It's been a very long time and yet it seems that nothing changes and yet it changes all the time. It's confusing.
I was talking with my partner to other day about our church. We have a nice little church that we go to that could drive you nuts if you think too hard about it. The pastor is awesome! I will give it that. We have made great friends! I'll give it that. But it is SERIOUSLY lacking in passion for Christ. Christ is the corner stone and yet He gets treated as another brick in the wall sometimes. I have run into people who are more interested in politics and making sure that you are on the correct side of the political line than they are interested in who Christ is and exactly what a relationship with Him means. It bugs me some days. We talk a lot about "God", but are afraid to mention the name of Jesus so that we don't offend the people who came who are not Christians. Now, Steve is good about talking the Jesus talk, but not in that 'we all need to learn about who this man in " kind of way. Maybe this is how most 'middle of the road' churches are. It's odd. This is what I would call a 'liberal' church in it's ideals and yet the worship and service is SOOOO middle of the road old fashioned that it creaks. Old Methodist and Presbyterian services from 100yrs ago. Sure the music is upbeat...but the service isn't.
You see, I have a passion for Christ! I have a deep down love and appreciation for His sacrifice. It makes me want to jump and shout. It makes me want to raise my hands and thank God for it all!
Here is an example. We were actually having a debate at music practice the other night as to whether or not we could sing about the "Blood Of Jesus" it might offend people. Excuse me? Isn't that part of the reason we follow Christ? Isn't His sacrifice the example of our actions? Isn't the resurrection and the power therof what we seek to attain? Paul said "I want to know nothing except Christ Crucified and the POWER of His resurrection." How do we have a resurrection without the crucifixion? How are we washed clean with the blood if there is no blood? Jesus in Mark 14:24 says "This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many," he said to them." The blood covenant. How can this happen without the Blood?
Ah well, let's not offend anyone with Jesus, shall we not?

A lot to thnk about

2007-03-07T15:43:00.000-07:00

I'm not too great at having anything profound to say, but I'll try. I gave the 'lesson' at ITL two weeks ago and here was the topic for discussion. "Why do bad things happen to Good People?"
A thought just this very moment came to me as I was typing that. What makes us think we're good? I' mean think about it. If this is a fallen world and all of our 'good works' are as filthy rags in the eyes of God...what makes us think we're so very good and deserving of good things. Now I know what you 'graceies' are going to say...God is good all the time. We are all offered the same grace as the next guy. Yadayada! This is what I say to that...God is God perfect in all ways. Perfectly just. Pefectly balanced. Bad things happen and God lets them happen. Why? Because He is smarter than we are. That's why. Bad things happen because this is not aworld controled by God.....NOOOOOOOOOOOOO that is blasphemey! Well, not really, God let's men control their own actions. People are dying in Africa at astounding rates because bad men run the governments. And no matter how much money we throw at the problem, bad men will make it of no effect. Children are abused because evil people are abusive.
It all started in the beginning and it's been happening ever since. Evil happens so that free will can exist. Illness and death are a result of contamination. This is a broken and contaminated world and illness is not choosy about its victim. Young, old, healthy, weak, male and female. Shit happens!
I had an interesting conversation with an agnostic one time and she said why doesn't God stop all of this if 'it' exisits. I said, "If He/She did then free will would have to disappear and we would be slaves." "Well, why doesn't God listen and answer our prayers?" Now that's a tough one. I do believe that God answers prayers in God's time and in God's resoning. I also believe that Maybe...just maybe...you might have to believe in God in some way to have it happen. Granted, some people have more of an 'in' with God, but in the long run I think on some level you have to say "yes" there is something bigger than me. AND we can't ask for world peace becasue it will never happen as long as free will is part of the plan. Men don't like to be peaceful. We like to be jealous and mean and scared and power hungry and angry. We like to take advantage of others for our own good.
See?
Bad things happen because we are a free group of evil people. Don't blame it on God. Take a look in the mirror.

It's been too long!

2007-01-15T10:14:00.000-07:00

I am not as liberal as I would appear. I have differing views on social programs and fiscal responsibility. HOWEVER, I think both sides of the fence are not without 'sin'.
As far as marriage goes, I think that less and less has to do with whether it works or not. More and more I think it has to do with societal norms. Everyone (okay 50% of everyone) gets divorced. I think that stat is low because fewer people are getting married and yet still producing families that eventually break apart. I know very few people who have not been divorced. I want to know where the other half of this 50% are!
Serial Monogamy and the Lesbian. That is such a loaded title. Women are so much different than men and yet we are not..........it just takes us longer to sleep with someone else. Men can do it in a night....women take two years. I think it comes attached to the Lesbian gene that and the U-Haul Syndrome. Seriously though, women become attached very quickly and fail to go through any courting rituals or engagement periods. I really believe that the only reason my partner and I have stayed together is because I was in New Zealand for a year after we had only been seeing each other for seven months. We were apart long enough to get to really know each other. Trust me, long distance relationships can work as long as there is an end in sight. When I came to know Christ I gave my sexuality and relationships to Him and I was single for almost 4 years. For me that was unheard of. I was never out of a relationship for more than a week. If someone broke my heart I was ready to patch it up with a new lover. With that mind set of never wanting to be alone, I constantly chose anything and everything that was available to me. None of which was healthy. JUST BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO BE ALONE. Isn't that the reason we do these things instead of waiting for God to bring that one person to us that would give us the best chance at longterm relationship? So what am I trying to say in all of this?

I think society almost expects divorce. Thus it makes it so very easy to break up and not work to stay together. We leave if we're not happy about the toothpaste cap or the way the other person breathes.
Answer these questions:

Do you have to tools to make it work?
Do you know enough about how the other person views the world around them?
Are you willing to find out instead of thinking about yourself all the time?
It takes both parties to want a healing.
Got it?

Now that's not fair!

2006-10-26T10:35:00.000-06:00

I have a question. I know you’re shocked, but don’t be. My question is what is fair/unfair? We had a forum tonight with the pro amendment 43 spokesman. For the record amendment 43 is the 'man one woman marriage is the best thing ever' amendment to the constitution of Colorado on the ballot up for vote on 4NOV06. I got one main thing out of what the man who came to speak to us had to say. Life is not fair when you are not in the circle of power. Things are not fair when you’re gay and you don’t have civil rights. Things are not fair when you’re an unmarried woman with children. Things are not fair when you want to join the military and you’re sick. Things are not fair when you want to drive at 12. Things are not fair when you want to go to Harvard but you’re grades aren’t good enough. I only have one thing to say. No I don’t. I have a list of things to say about this. Unmarried mothers have the option of getting married. If you can’t serve in the military because of your health, volunteer in some other fashion. If you can’t drive at 12 wait for a few years. If you want to go to Harvard, study your freaking ass off and go. When it comes to civil rights there is not much to be done when someone else can change things for you and doesn’t want to or even thinks it’s sinful to do so. It’s really not fair when a citizen of this country pays taxes and social security and contributes to society, but lacks the civil rights to protect their loved ones. That is what is unfair.
It’s not fair when the Savior of the World is accused of sacrilege and the summarily crucified. It’s not fair when children in third world countries die daily from dysentery when we have fresh running water on tap. How many of us drink bottled water because tap water just doesn’t taste right? That’s unfair. Come on. There is so much in this world that is unfair we lack the words the truly define it.
I do know that it’s completely unfair when someone else decides what is right or wrong for your life. It’s unfair when your rights as a human being are decided by those who feel what they believe is ‘more right’ than what you believe. It’s unfair when people have the power to change what is unfair into more equal and instead choose to make things more unfair than they were before. That means that it is up to us to make a change. Even while we are in the midst of in-equality, unfairness and discrimination we have the responsibility to attempt to change what we can or change ourselves. Christians/gays/blacks/Muslims/Jews (put your favorite minority here) will always be thrown to the lions in one way or another, it’s what we/they do in the lion’s pit that will define what is equal in the eyes of God. And that’s what really matters.

The Veil....

2006-10-26T10:21:00.000-06:00

This blog is just for my own thoughts so I don’t know why I don’t write when I think I have nothing profound to say. I occasionally have interesting thoughts, but very rarely are they profound. SO…..that said. I have been learning so much in our In The Light service or should I say re-learning. We have been discussing prayer and the many ways to pray and what is prayer and how are we to ‘work’ it. The one thing I was taught to fear upon my conversion to Christianity was anything remotely ‘occultish’. Now this was construed as anything to do with meditation, healing touch as opposed to laying on of hands, and the like. For my entire life I have had the touch. IN certain situations I can touch a person and feel their pain or their power. Their life force if you will. When I meditate I can calm my crazy center. The two things that are gifts to me I was taught were evil tools of the devil. I really couldn’t find this in scripture anywhere, but it had to be true, right?
David said he meditated on the word. Christ felt power go out from Him when the woman with issue of blood touched Him. So why am I any different than them, besides the fact that I am not GodJ? I believe that through and with the Spirit we can do the things that Jesus did. I can feel when I touch someone ill that something has gone out of me. That ‘this talent’ didn’t go away when I decided to follow the Way of Jesus so now I have decided that it is a gift just like any other that I must try to figure out how to use. We are not given gifts that we should ignore them. It’s just one of those confusing situations God puts us in. It might not be today and it might not be tomorrow, but one day I’ll figure it out.
As for the meditation, I have found that comfort and calm come when I use a mantra. It stops my mind from wandering and I am able to achieve a connection with the other side of the veil. I am able to see/visualize the supernatural. I know it sounds crazy. Even I think it’s out there, but all I can say is I am praying for a man in the South Pacific because I saw him while I was praying one morning. I don’t know who he is. I don’t know exactly what island he is on. I don’t know what he does for a living or why he is praying all I know is that he needs prayer. And so I pray. I know in my heart that no one is praying for this man or at least very few people are and I was directed to him. Let me tell my story of how this came about.
Steve, The Pastor Man, has been touched in his heart to pray for the world. He gave us the example of how he uses the visualization of Google Earth to pray for certain parts of the world. Anywhere he wants to pray for he sees in his minds eye and he travels there in his mind and prays over that place. In this same way he will see a person in his mind and he will do the same thing as they come before him. So I have been doing this and the first time I did it I could actually see the things and places that were being prayed for. I could see the light shining down on whatever or wherever it was that was being prayed for. I was taken from place to place very quickly to be shown that people are praying over Washington, Iraq, Africa and other places. I was going so quickly that I was trying to tell the being with me to slow down. The being. No I don’t know what or who or if it was an angel. If I had to guess I would say it was an angel of some kind, my guide if you will. I can hear the comments now… “She has a Spirit Guide! EVIL!” No, how else am I to know who God would have me pray for than to guide me there? I didn’t see anyone and no one spoke to me. I just knew that someone/thing was leading me. ANYWAY, I was seeing the light of prayer around all of these places and I was only at each for seconds it seemed until I was lead to this Island in SP. There was a man on his knees deep in prayer and there was no one else praying for/with him. There were no ‘prayer lights’ around him for lack of a better way to describe it, so I prayed. I still pray for a man across the world that I don’t know anything about. He might be a missionary. He might be a minister of some sort. All I do know with all of my heart is that he needs prayer. And so I pray. Kandis Glasgow

Anger and my Humanity

2006-10-08T22:27:00.000-06:00

I got mad the other day. As a matter of fact, I’m still angry. Now this is not the kind of angry you get when someone forgets to put the cap back on the toothpaste. No this is the kind of irate you get where you want to do physical harm to another human being. Oh sure, someone is going to say to me, “You don’t really mean that.” “You’re not that kind of person.” But they would be wrong. I am exactly that kind of person and so are you. If we admit to ourselves in all honesty that we are human and that we are capable of any emotion and action, we have begun the true journey.

Several months ago during ITL we did an outline of our bodies on butcher paper,
I should say we outlined each other on butcher paper (for which I have not yet been forgiven) and we were told to write with in the outline exactly the things that moved us in our lives. Now I went along with the theme of the project and wrote all the nice sweet things that are really only a fraction of what moves or motivates me in my life. I wrote love and Jesus and music and joy and candy coated peace signs. It’s not that those things are not huge motivating factors in my life. They are, but what about the dark things in my heart that make me the carnal human that I am? What about the selfishness that motivates me more often than not? I wanted to speak out right then that I felt like a liar. These things aren’t the real me. At least they are not the total me. I wanted to scream out, “LAIR! Oh wretched man that I am! Who will save me from this body of death?” I wanted to cry out that I am not that person on the paper. I have an evil nature and I am at battle with it even now. The struggle is fierce and I am losing at the moment. I do and say things that shock even me. How could I want to hurt someone? And yet I wanted nothing more than just that for the past several days. I am capable of any behavior because I am sick. I have a disease that there is only one cure for it short of death. Jesus. And even then the illness lives on and wages war with my spirit.

If you ever have the chance pick up the “Little Red Book”. It’s an AA book that is a little version of the Big Blue Book. IF you read that and substitute the words human for alcoholic you will begin to understand the battle we are truly in. Step one: We admitted we were powerless over our humanity and that our lives have become unmanageable. We are addicted to ourselves. We are hooked on our lives. We are our favorite drug. We are filled with anger and self-hatred that is really self absorption. We lie and cheat and steal to make ourselves feel better and yet we are sickened by us at the same time. I know it sounds morbid and that I have a cynical attitude about things. But hear me out. This is honesty. I know my faults, my humanity if you will. I work at making them right all the time and for the most part I do okay, but there is that part of me that remains hidden and eats at me when I get cut off in traffic. But then I understand that it is not by MY strength, but with His. You see I know it is only with God that we are made right. It is only with God that we can be made right with those around us. It is only with God that we can ever hope to overcome our true selves. Step two: We came to believe that a Power Greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Some of us have completely overcome our violent, angry, self-absorbed natures, but not me. I put on a good show for the masses. I keep my addiction hidden. I even really do love people, but how can I say I love God and speak badly about my brother? How can I say I love God and yet there are children dying at the rate of one every five seconds from hunger. I got an e-mail once that said, “I screamed at God when I saw all the children starving until I realized the starving children were God screaming at me.”
I am selfish. I like my things. How do I stop liking my things enough to give them up so others won’t starve? I am the rich young ruler. I am the notorious sinner. I am Judas. And as long as I know that these people live inside of me, with the help of God, I can fight them. It is when I refuse to admit that they are there that they can do the most damage. I realize that only a Power Greater than myself can help me. Step Three: We made a conscious decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand Him/Her. Kandis Glasgow

Let's Meet

2006-10-02T14:39:00.000-06:00

We had a meeting, for the first time, one on one with our pastor last night (9-25) just to have a chance to get to know him and have him get to know us. It was an interesting experience in that I am endlessly inquisitive and hopelessly opinionated. Cheryl made me begin by asking my ‘theological question’ ‘just how Christian is this church?’. I received an interesting reply that I am not sure answered the question I had in my heart. Steve answered us with his explanation that he believed in the cosmological redemption through Christ. I tend to believe the same way in that this universe will be completely restored to Jesus/God through whom entirety was created. He also stated that he doesn’t necessarily agree with Paul that Jesus dies for our sin and the God the Creator didn’t intend to set Him up as a sacrifice for that sin. He postulated that Jesus never said that was why He was here and that the first time it was ever spoken of was by Paul as an explanation of why Jesus was crucified. Hummmmm.

That bodes thought on my part as I don’t tend to agree with that rendition of the story. Not because of what Paul may or may not have said, but because of what John cousin of Jesus was reported to have said at Jesus’ baptism and that is, “Behold the Lamb of God Who takes away the sins of the world.” Now that I stop and think about it Jesus said many things that indicated that he knew of His impending death and the purpose for it. He said, “Unless a grain of wheat fall to the ground and die it resides alone, but if it dies many more are created.” and “The Comforter will not come unless I go away.” Then “Jesus answered, "How can the guests of the bridegroom mourn while he is with them? The time will come when the bridegroom will be taken from them; then they will fast.” At one point Jesus told the disciples that the ‘this temple will be destroyed and then restored in three days.’

So, in all of this Jesus, IMHO, knew he was going to be killed and or sacrificed. Not only that He said it was nescessary. John said He was going to remove the sin of the world. Jesus knew that the Comforter couldn’t come and death wouldn’t be destroyed, if He wasn’t killed and resurrected. He told us that there was no way for the church to grow unless He died. SO. What does this all tell me? I don’t have a clue, but I can try to make a guess.

John the Baptist said Jesus was a Lamb not just any Lamb, but the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world. Why would John call Jesus that? The perfect Lamb of God could only have been an offer of sacrifice to ‘forgive, or better yet, remove the lack of faith that was the cause of, sin.”

NOW, scripture says that, now I want you to get this, (and thank you Brian Patterson for constantly reminding me of this) anything that is not of faith is sin. So, if the Spirit could only come to dwell with people if Jesus ‘went away’ (was made a sacrifice to bring the Spirit) and faith comes through the Spirit, then Christ died to save us from lack of faith which is sin. Am I wrong? Is my logic flawed? Sin is such an ugly word that is used to exclude people from relationship with God. Sin is whatever is not of faith.
I guess what I am concluding is that Jesus died and was resurrected so that the Spirit could fall on all people not just a few. The Spirit leads us to/through faith to those things that are not sin. Let faith be your guide. Kandis Glasgow

Fruitiness (Bible Shorts)

2006-10-02T14:29:00.000-06:00

Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

I was looking at an apple tree the other day with its freshly ripe green fruit. They looked delicious and I decided that I would love to have one. I stepped up to the tree to choose one of the tart apples. As I looked over my choices I realized that all the fruit was basically the same. Some were a bit smaller than others. Some were perhaps not quite ripe, but by in large they were all the same. Although I know it’s only fruit I thought a bit longer on this and realized that it probably looked a lot like the fruit that the seed that sprouted this tree came from. Fruit is the replication of the Seed. He is the vine we are the branches. If we remain in Him we will bear much fruit. John 15:5 Jesus said that, “Unless a seed fall to the ground and die it remains alone. But if it dies it produces many seeds.” John 12:24 Seeds grow trees that bear fruit. Christ died so that we might be the replication of Him. The Spirit came so that we could succeed.

Being a bit more fruity,

You are not your past.

2006-09-25T13:50:00.000-06:00

Believe it or not I used to give sermons at Open Door Community Church in Denver on occasion and as I was wandering around my PC I found one that I thought deserved a closer look. Please take into consideration that it was originally written in outline form and I did my best to expound on the ideas that were running through my head at the time. So here it goes......

You Are Not Your Past

When was the last time you looked in the mirror and said, “Well, PRAISE THE Lord! I am one heck of an awe inspiring creation! If you’re anything like me that would be never. We are always picking away at ourselves. We are never quite good enough for us. We compare ourselves to Super Models, Athletes and Movie Stars. How fair is that? We are forever making comparisons to those who have more money, better looks and bigger houses. We even compare ourselves to people in our own family. Wouldn’t it be nice to be more like my sister, brother or cousin?
Then you take a look at nature and then you really are in awe and wonder.

Psalm 8 says “When I look at the amazing work of your hand, I wonder who am I that you should consider me? And the son of man that you care about him? Yet You have made us just slightly lower than the angels and crowned us with glory and majesty. You did make us to rule over Your creation. You put under our rule including the animals of the earth and the beasts of the field and the birds of the air and even the fish that swim in the seas. “

Now I don’t know how many of you have seen the magnificence of God first hand, but I have. (No I have never been to the moon or landed on some distant star, butI have looked through a very powerful teltscope) You can’t miss it really. Go outside on a clear night and look up. That is the majesty of God revealed. “O Lord our Lord! How majestic is Your name in all the earth. You have displayed Thy splendor above the heavens.” We look out at the stars and see only a tiny fraction of what is out there.
What is it like to think about that? Do you feel small and insignificant? Can we, in our small minds, understand how immense this universe is? We can’t. No more than we can comprehend eternity. But this earth is merely a cell in a very large body. The earth is big enough for us to contemplate. 6.5 billion people. You are just one being in all of that chaos. So WHO ARE WE in all of this immensity?
Genesis 1:27
27. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him;….

You are created in the very image of the God that created all of this. You are created slightly lower than the angles, but far above the very stars in the sky. You are a precious jewel set in the crown of the Most High.

So if we are created in the image of God to be like God, why do we spend so much time and effort listening to false information? You know it’s true. Let us count the ways.
1: People we don’t even know.
2: Ourselves
3: Sometimes our spouse/SO
4: “friends”
5: Parents
6: TV/media

AS I look over this list I see the majority are people we are very close to. I know that a great deal of false information come from our parents. I think back on my years of schooling and I recall tons of false information that came from the ‘bullies’ and my teachers. I know it’s hard to believe that teachers would ever make a comment that might be critical, but it happens. These situations and people can attach labels to us that can haunt us and play tapes in out minds for years. They may not be in these exact words but they can be:

Stupid
Fat
You’re a waste
You’re ugly
You can’t do anything right
Klutz
Idiot
Loser
Dork
Geek
Lazy

I have heard many of these and I call myself some of them. Perhaps you have done things in the past or have had things happen to you that have ‘labeled’ you or Maybe you have labeled yourself:

Maybe you were abused so you are a victim
Perhaps you have had alcohol abuse in you past
Maybe, like me, you abused drugs.
Could it be that you have issues with anger?’
Are you a thief?
Liar?
Godless?
Cheater

How many of these things do we allow to define who we are? We are told in scripture to speak things that are not as though they are and yet we find it difficult to believe that my telling myself that I am not a drug addict doesn’t make it so. Jesus makes it so. Jesus delivered us from all of the labels that man puts on us. That’s just it these labels are:

Man made.
They are not truth as in they are lies.
They were nailed to the cross.

Jesus died to deliver us from the wages of sin and death. These labels are just that. If life and death are in the tongue and death has been defeated then we can overcome the death that has been dealt to us over the years. Every single part of your life where you feel you fall short has been sacrificed with Christ on the cross. Every time that we heard or said these words to ourselves it was as if Satan himself was speaking defeat and death to you. You see we are not in a battle with flesh and blood but with dark powers that are trying to steal from us what Christ died to give us. The one thing we can be sure of is that these labels are not from the God that created us greater than the stars.

1 John 4:4-6
4. You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them (the spirits of antichrist), because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.
5. They are from the world and therefore speak from the viewpoint of the world, and the world listens to them.

Paul said “I want to know nothing except Christ and Him crucified.”
I don’t want to know that old me. I don’t want to know anything about the life I left behind. These labels are not who we in Christ are anymore. Romans 8:1 reminds us that There is Now no condemnation to those who are in Christ. So, we are of God and so we should ask….

“What would God say?”

We are God’s greatest creation
I am saved
I am Chosen
I am Loved
I am forgiven
I am the very righteousness of God through Christ Jesus
I am above and not beneath. The head and not the tail.
I am a Child of the King of the Universe.
And so are You!

So that none of you should think I don’t know what I’m talking about or perhaps that I live some charmed life, I have worn all those labels that I listed above. Either from others or myself. I was a liar, thief, cheater, slob, and a loser. Carrying these labels around can become the heaviest possession we own. The can bend our will and crush our true self. Our Jesus self. It is time set down the labels and enter into the rest that Jesus said was His rest, through accepting the sacrifice that was made for us. We must remember that the past is in the past and now we are free. We must forgive all of those who have spoken against us including ourselves. Every single hurt and bruise, every horrid thought and memory is now nailed to the cross where Christ took it all upon His shoulders. It can’t hurt you anymore.
Come to Me all you who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest. What words to rest by! YOU are God’s greatest creation. Don’t ever forget!

Bible Shorts.....

2006-09-23T20:20:00.000-06:00

If you have been keeping up....and I know that you haven't because this is new to you, I wrote that I used to post devotionals of sorts called Bible Shorts on Grace on Line...so I decided why not here? I have several saved from the past and I figured they're just taking up hard drive.
So here is your first BS one thing I am truly full of:)

Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called Sons of God.
Matthew 5:9

Peace. Can you think of a time when there was not a war happening somewhere in the world? I can’t. South Africa. Zimbabwe. Bosnia. Kuwait. Honduras. Vietnam. Korea. How about Denver? Littleton. Boise. Right now in the world the US is at war with Iraq. It’s a bit nerve wracking and world peace would be nice. One thing I will never forget Jesus saying, “There will be wars and rumors of war.” The conflicts will continue on until the time when Jesus splits the eastern sky. Even The Lord Himself stated He is Lord of Hosts: the very army of God. Then WHY OH WHY did the Son of God say that He brought us peace, that he gave us His peace? Not as the world gives peace, but a peace that passes all understanding. I mean even believers are in a battle. It’s a spiritual battle with Satan and his minions. It’s a war not against flesh and blood but principalities and powers of the darkness. This battle is as violent as one fought with spiritual tanks and holy bombers. Just because we can’t see doesn’t mean it’s not heated and brutal. Some days I feel as if I can feel the war going on around me. There is a huge battle for yours and my protection. Not knowing you as well as I know myself, I must say I need all the protection I can handle. Not only do I need it for my body but I also need it for my very soul. I need angels shielding my eyes from the temptations that are offered up to me every day. Like I need any help getting into trouble. Christ is the Prince of Peace sent to ‘give us His peace.’ Peace in Jesus is not a lack of conflict. (The world’s view of peace.) Our peace is in knowing we have nothing to fear for He has overcome the world.

Fever induced thoughts....or I have the flu....

2006-09-21T12:31:00.000-06:00

Tuesday 9/19/06 we attented a 'lecture' given by our recently returned pastor about his adventures in the emerging worship world. It was a very fascinating lecture/lesson about the emerging culture. His conclusion was that the two, worship and culture, are inextricablly connected. Now, why didn't I think of that? In a very small way maybe I did in that I stated in a previous blog that the new generation doesn't want our same old tired worship. It's not that the worship is tired and it's not that people don't reach God through it, although at times it is difficult (more later), it's that it's is not for a new generation. We don't worship or 'do church' as our parents did, well some of us do...but that's not the point either. What we consider modern is really not all that modern after all. I must say that the rise of the more "comtemporary" services is really fairly new in its rise, but it is already old. In this age of the internet and technology things age faster and the new becomes old rather quickly. Ideas are shared spontaneoulsy, used immediately and discarded in a matter of weeks. Knowledge, as we understand it, is doubled every few months. We as a group of Old Baby Boomers and GenXers can't remain in our newly old worship and hope to gain or maintain our young people. Cheryl and I figured that out about four years ago when we helped found an on line church called Grace On Line. To begin it was the brain child of the pastor at our old church. It was a simple Yahoo Group that grew to huge proportions. It was comprised of people young, and not so young, seeking another way to connect with God through a virtual world of believers. David posted his sermons on line. Cheryl was ever persent in the chat rooms and the Tuesday Night Gatherings to teach and encourage and I posted what were called Bible Shorts that were small thoughts/devotionals for the day. People found security in the midst of this group and found the freedom to grow in Christ and courage. It was a virtual realtionship we had with these people from US Canada, Australia, Brazil, New Zealand (One person actually lived in a place close to where I lived in NZ) and any other English speaking country you can think of. These people weren't really seeking Christ. They were seeking grace and that brought many of them to Christ. This is the new Church. It's not the only way to have a 'new church', but it's a beginning.

I sometimes think...and now we jump to a new subject having to do with Grace On Line.... that if we avoid saying we're Christians it is more likely to draw people. If we say we are offering grace, love, peace and understanding they might come and then we can then present Christ to those seeking a way to reach God.
The Christian Right has so infiltrated the true message of Christ with pollution of hate and legalism that the normal person doesn't want even hear about Jesus. It's sad. I have a friend that is a Buddhist who says she tried to go to church one time, but the message was so filled with hate for anyone not like 'them' (The 'Christians') she said she would never go back. And she didn't. Isn't that sad? Not that she is a Buddhist, but that there was no Jesus in the Christian church she visited. No Jesus for someone searching. That's a very sad, heart breaking thought. A body without a head. Essentially that's what we have here. A body trying to function without a head will soon cease to function. What is wrong with us?

2006-09-19T15:19:00.000-06:00

“Hear, O Israel, the Eternal is our God, the Eternal is One.
Blessed be God’s Name and glorious kingdom forever and ever.”
You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your might. And these words, which I [God] teach you this day, shall be upon your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, speaking of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down and when you rise up. And you shall bind them as a sign upon your hand, and they shall be for a reminder before your eyes. And you shall write them on the doorposts of your house and upon your gates.”

I have a question. Scary huh? I think way too much.

The disciples asked Jesus, “Lord, teach us to pray.” Now I don’t know how much you know about the Jewish tradition and religion, but these people pray. They have a prayer for everything you can imagine. Prayer over the bread and the wine and the meat and the cooking of the meat and the cutting of the cooked meat. They pray over the sunrise and the sunset. They pray over the song with a song. They have a prayer for walking in the morning and walking in the evening. They pray while lighting candles and putting the candles out. They pray for Shabbat to begin and end. They pray when hanging the Mezuzah. There is even a prayer for when it rains. I guess what I am saying is that these men knew prayer. What was so different that Jesus had to teach them this different form of prayer? Jesus taught them in Hebrew or Aramaic a prayer we call the Lord’s Prayer. It is a Jewish style prayer that the parts were spoken often. Jesus taught us to pray in and entirely Jewish way. To sanctify the name of G-d, summarize the essential petitions of the ancient Jewish Amidah prayer and concludes with a prayer similar to that of Solomon at the dedication of the first temple. So these words and concepts were not foreign to the disciples.

go here to understand more about this concept

I personally don’t think it was so much in the words that Jesus prayed, but in how he prayed
them. Jesus talked directly to God as a Parent. He called God ‘Abba’, daddy, papa. He used an endearing word to denote the relationship. Jesus spoke to his Daddy and it well could have been His Mommy. To me that says Jesus sat on God’s ‘lap’ and was loved and encouraged by an awesome Creator. Their oneness was such that Jesus felt treasured. I believe that the disciples didn’t want to learn to pray, they wanted to learn how to commune with God. When I pray that prayer at church I always try to remember that we are learning to touch God in the way Jesus explained that we could, by making Him our Parent.

ITL- What bring you to God?

2006-09-19T15:18:00.000-06:00

What is it that brings you to communion with God? That was the question tonight at our ‘in the light service’. Steve is back from sabbatical and we are discussing all of the things he learned about emerging worship or ancient worship. We realized that all people have a different trigger. I think this is partly because we all come with our own set of baises and fears. Cheryl doesn’t like choir music because she was forced to listen to it when she was young. She doesn’t care for chant type or organ music because it reminds her of all the religious churches that are based on legalism and that have rejected and damaged gays and lesbians throughout the ages. Jackie loves that kind of music because it reminds her of the time in her life when she came to know God in church. Becky is afraid of water and so the pictures of lakes and oceans are disturbing to her and Amy loves the beach, not just pictures of beaches, but actually touching the sand and the water. Jack doesn’t care too much for children that are not his so the picture of children did nothing for him and yet it touched Cheryl profoundly. I can’t handle the quite very well because my mind wanders. I can worship God better and connect better if I am listening to music or hearing preaching or writing. My thoughts and prayers to God are all written or sung. I carry a prayer in my heart and I speak in silence, but I am not silent. For instance, right this moment I am writing and I am listening to the TV at the same time. I know what is going on in both arenas. A man asked me today if I was listening to both him and talking to amother woman at the same time. I was. And I know what both wanted. My mind runs, but I am constantly seeking God’s word or voice in my life. I think sometimes my “God” hearing is failing. But this worship idea is a round table of ideas and stimuli that move this body towards God. Nature, song, people, children. The one thing that I didn’t see that moves me greatly is animals. I am so in love with the God of creation that I marvel at His works. I picked up a dragon fly yesterday and held it on my finger. It stayed there for a while and then just flew off. It was odd because I had heard something weird on the ground and looked to find this dragon fly flinging itself into the ground repeatedly. It was so bizzare. I actually asked it what it was doing and then picked it up. It seemed to shake off whatever was going on with it and then it flew off. It was really amazing to hold this creature on my finger and just watch it. I was hearing from God just then. You see, I’m strange. I am a woman who loves bugs…for the most part. Spiders are fascinating and snakes are really cool. God made them and it’s amazing! I love the rabbits that run through the fields behind my house. I love the mice, although I don’t want them in my house. Let’s not get craxy I don’t like roaches, although they are amazing, flies or moquitoes. It’s still all amazing to me! ANYWAY, no matter the stimuli, no matter the setting, everyone is different in their quest to know and be known by God. Whatever it is that brings you there, do that thing over and over and over again and do it with all the God passion in your life.

Religion is Weird!

2006-09-19T15:17:00.000-06:00

Religion is such a weird thing. IF you follow one of the religions that believes in a God then it’s really weird. That means trusting your life into the hands of that which you cannot see. I want a relationship with a God that is not tangible. I feel in my being that God is, but there is no hand to hold or face to see. As the little boy in the story said, I want someone with skin on. Christians believe that Christ was a real man and that he existed in time, but that was 2000 years ago. He was a man that touched people with his hands and forgave their sins. He was real and tangible. I covet that touch. He came to earth in a time when people were as segregated as we are now. Jews not talking to Samaritans. Romans not talking to Jews. Actually, the Romans didn’t really talk to anyone. Religion seperated people. Slavery, sacrifice, race and power and any number of excuses created separation much in the way those same things do today. The religious leaders of the time had so much power that they were keeping people from relationship with God much the same way as is happening today. Jesus came and said, “You can touch the face of God the same was I do. You can be one with the creator the same as I am and the best part is the only rule is love. Not only that, but I am going to show you how that love looks. I am going to teach you, heal you, forgive you, love you and then I am going to die for you.” I want to know this Man. I want to figure out how to touch Him and how to let Him touch me. How do I do that? I pray and I know in my spirit that something is listening. Something is paying attention to what I have to say and what I feel. So many questions and I have no answers, but I have faith. I have faith. That thing that causes me to trusts in something it cannot see. To act on, for lack of a better word, intuition believing it was God guiding me. This is all I have. It is not all I want, but it is what I believe when I cannot see, that will be counted to me as righteousness in the end. Still, in all of this faith I desire to touch God.In all of this questioning this is my only conclusion. Paul said we are the body. If I touch the believers around me, am I then touching Christ? If I hold the hand of a small child in need am I connecting with God? Jesus prayed to the Creator that we be one as They are one. I think that He meant so many things by that. But if I can’t actually touch Jesus, God or the Holy Spirit, maybe if I connect with my family, the Family of God, then I am connecting with God. BUT, no matter how much I want to actually have physical contact with a God I can’t see, I will never. It is impossible. At least it is within the confines of this limited body. My short term life in this body confines me to the physically tangible experience. Even my spiritual connection with God has a physical ramification. I feel my body react to the love I perceive from God. Adrenaline will rush. Endorphins will be released and I will have a feeling of euphoria and peace. I want to know if that is just me or if it’s real. Is it really God? Even as I ask the question my insides jump in the knowledge that it IS God. God speaks to my spirit and I feel it. It is impossible to explain. Science says its an invention of the mind, but I don’t believe that. I didn’t really have a deep belief in God until I was in my late 30’s. I never felt that assurance until I said “yes” when someone asked me if I wanted to have a different life, a life in Christ. I said aloud on the outside that Christ was the One and my insides changed. Afterward I would be driving in my car not even thinking about God and I would suddenly feel a rush in my bones and know that somehow I was now different. In my whole life of growing up in a religion as a devout Mormon, I never once felt that feeling. I felt love like a liquid filling me up. I could hear the ‘voice of God’ speaking things into my life that I would never have thought on my own. I believe in God. I believe that God loves me. I pray that God reaches down to touch me so that I might know Him/Her. So that I may become one with the One Who made me. God sent Jesus to show me how to connect with God, but I am still seeking the way in this world of confusion. I’ll keep seeking as God promised to seek me.

Ooh ooh pick me! or What it is we really believe about our realtionship with Christ.

2006-09-19T15:16:00.000-06:00

So, coming to Christ is not like accepting a present. It’s not like someone doing something nice for you. It’s not like someone taking your place in the electric chair, although that is a part of it. No, I think it’s a little bit like baking a cake. Sort of. Not in the ‘you have to have a recipe kind of way’, but in the ‘once the parts are all mixed up and baked there is no way to take it apart again’ kind of way. To marry something is to make it become one thing. To marry ketchup, mayo and relish you will have one thing called Thousand Island…or Secret Sauce. Once it’s married you don’t get to have just ketchup, mayo or relish by themselves anymore. You will always have TI Dressing. Paul said that the marriage is the great mystery of the Christ and the Church. We are the bride who becomes one with the Bridegroom. We become one in purpose and Spirit and body. We are the body and He is the head. Without the Head the Body cannot function. Without the Body the Head finds it hard to use hands or feet. I am not saying that without us, God or Christ can’t function in the world, but that’s not the point. The point is we are one with Christ so that we can function in this world, bringing the Kingdom of Heaven to Earth. WOW! Think about that. I am not taking a present from Christ when I come to believe in Who/What/Where He is. I am accepting a Marriage proposal. It’s so much bigger than a present. I think about the difference between My S.O. giving me a gift and marrying me. Gifts are a nice thing to have and yes they can be sentimental, but if I had to choose between the wedding ring and the marriage, I would take the marriage.

So, what do we do?

2006-09-19T15:14:00.001-06:00

We had out In the Light Service on Monday night and had the “We are the Clay” discussion. It really brought up some questions in my mind about “Just how moldable are we really?”. I think we already are born with a certain bent and a handful of talents. The person who doesn’t like kids really shouldn’t try to be the Children’s Minister. Not that God would call them there, but my point is that person is already molded into something. I love kids so I might be able to do it. On the other hand I do not suffer fools easily so I would make a very poor pastor. BUT just how do we know which of our talents should we be using??? Some people have many, others have a few and most of us have more than we know. Does it get to a point where we ahve learned so mucha nd have so many skills that we spend most of our time using those? Take the associate pastor at my church. Right now she is the acting head pastor while ours is on sabatical. SHe is also the music minister in charge of the Choirs, the praise band and everything in between. She has been teaching and preaching and singing and practicing and going to church retreats. When is enough enough? Sometimes I think we get so caught up in what we THINK God wants us to be doing that we lose sight of what we really should be doing! I want to use every skill and talent I have for God and yet if I try to do that I will be doing too much. SO the ultimate question I ahve is HOW DO YOU KNOW? is it what we have passion for? Is with what ever need needs to be filled? Is it…..what is it?

Twenty minutes

2006-09-19T15:14:00.000-06:00

I have twenty minutes left in my work day and I want to leave us all with something meaningful. How am I doing so far? I’ve been thinking about God. I know that sounds like the normal thing to do when one is committed to Christ, but I have been contemplating the nature of God and that can be an overwhelming task. You see I have had the great epiphany that I will never be able to understand what God is, or who God is or where, when, how or why. None of the journalistic questions I can ask about God have any chance of ever getting answered. That is except through the person of Jesus. I can read the New Testament and I still don’t quite understand. God is so much more than we could ever begin comprehend. And Jesus is so much more perfect how could He ever understand us? I am going to switch gears here for a quick second. This is a thought I had last night while writing in my prayer journal. Does God know how I feel when I let Him down? I mean, Hebrews says that Jesus is a high priest who can understand my feelings, but if Christ never let anyone down, how can he understand my self-loathing at the idea of letting people and God down? Do you supppose Jesus ever had a moment of self deprecation? I realize of course that these are rhetorical questions that can never be answered in this life. I am just hoping that someone out there has an answer. I believe that Jesus felt agonizing pain and suffered unforgivable betrayal, but does he understand what it’s like to BE the betrayer and the all of guilt that accompanies that? How does the perfect understand the imperfect? Jesus was perfect and understands sin, but He never commited the sin itself, so how does he know my guilt? I am sure that somewhere in there Jesus felt a moment of guilt, just so He could understand.

Here is another question, why doesn’t neatness bother a messy person?

I've been here before......

2006-09-19T15:13:00.000-06:00

I was working (as it at the office) and trying to write on my blog yesterday and I never saved the message I was working on. Let’s just say my ramblings for the day were lost. That’s okay. I have plenty of ramblings for a life time. I think I was writing about how upset I had been the day before at the silly man on the radio. You know, we are Christ followers and we are suppposed to be above certain ideaologies. I don’t know…like hate. Hate is a very strong word I know. But I am sure some groups of people feel a great deal of hate coming from the people who profess the ultimate lover who is Jesus. “Woman, where are your accusers? Neither do I accuse you. NEITHER DO I ACCUSE YOU. Wow! Awesome words don’t you think? Jesus only accused those who made rules to keep people from God. He called them snakes and vipers whose father is the Devil. Law givers. Now I know some are going to say, “Well, yeah but he told that woman to go and sin no more.” Well, yes He did, but a question I ask of you. “When in your life have YOU ever been able to go and sin no more?” I don’t know about you, But I sin every day. Every minute of that day I would guess. I miss the mark of God because God is perfect and everlasting. I am imperfect and finite. The very fact that the cells in my body die is missing the mark of God. I could stand still and not think of anything or do anything wrong and I would still be sinning just because my body is dying. The wages of sin is death. So to go and sin no more is an impossible task…............unless you know the one Who is Perfect. The woman was fogiven of her sin and cleansed of her unrighteousness. She would sin, yes, but her sin would no longer be counted against her. The is no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus.

I've been thinking.....

2006-09-19T15:12:00.001-06:00

I know that’s the scariest thing some people have ever heard. I think too much most of the time. I was thinking about Christians. I think we have become one of the most arrogant group of people in the nation. I’m not going to say the world because I find it hard to believe that the underground church in China is getting up on its high horse. No. We ‘western’ Christians are mighty high and mighty all on our own right. I was listening to a “Christian” talk show on the radio and they said it was our moral duty to be 100% involved with politics so that our nation doesn’t fall in to rack and ruin. They said we are to “occupy until Chirst comes” and that means politics. It’s time to pass anti-gay legislation before God rains down judgement. Now, I am no Bible scholar, heck, I’m not even a scholar of any kind, but that’s a gross mis-representation of what was meant, don’t you think? Let’s ask a rhetorical question, “Were the Christians in Rome able to “occupy” in that manner?” I am pretty sure that they had absolutely NO political influence except to make Caeser more popular with the masses. Do you think that they were planning to get involved with the political process at the time or do you think they were busy praying that God would deliver them from the lions? Or maybe that they would be strong for God during their trial. What about the Christians in Muslim countries where it is a punishable offense to even be a Christian? Do you think the meaning of the word occupy means to get involved in politics to them? Or maybe it means that they remain strong in their faith even as they try to avoid imprisonment or even death. I believe in voting and taking advantage of the freedoms we share as a great country, but I don’t think we are called by Christ to pass exclusionary legislation, or victorian laws. Why on God’s great green earth do you think that the gays are somehow to blame for the break down of the American family? Aren’t the people getting married and having children and getting divorced more to blame than some guy you don’t even know loving some other guy? Get serious! The break down of the American nuclear ‘family’ is an issue that has little to do with sexual orientation. It has to do with a serious lack of commitment. The divorce rate in the ‘Church’ is as high or higher than secular society. Whose fault is that???? Men and women ripping apart families is the tragedy here. Children being shifted from parent to parent on weekends, wondering what they did to make mommy and daddy not love them, or each other, anymore, is the crisis. Stop talking about how the gays are making society evil and work on your own house. Basically, Get the telephone pole out of your own eye before you go looking for the splinter you think might be in someone else’s. Let’s stop hating and start loving as Christ invited us to do. God did not say to fear your fellow man, but to love him. Let us begin to examine our own lives and walk our own walk. Let us stop trying to walk other people’s walk for them. I’m not telling you not to vote. As a matter of fact I think you should. I am just wondering if we should occupy in faith and love or in fear and hate.

I'm tired of concerts.....

2006-09-19T15:12:00.000-06:00

Remember I said I sang with the 'worship team' at church? Well, I am having a push-me-pull-you type of feeling about the whole thing. I love to sing and I love to sing in front of people, but I am getting the distinct impression that it's a concert every week. We all go up there on stage, above the crowd, and sing our little hearts out with our little parts that we sing and the little parts that "they" sing and they clap and we say thank you. We all have our solos that are oh so important and don't you dare sing while I sing my solo attitudes........... You get the picture. I have seen this in many churches. Now my church is great, don't get me wrong, but I can't help but get the feeling that we are missing something...........like worship. If I am singing by myself for you, how do you sing yourself for God? Did that make sense? Music needs to be one of two things. Sung by a person to God. Nope, I was wrong........it's just one thing. I must sing to God for God. You must sing, in your way, for God to God. How can you do that if all you're doing is listening to and watching me? I know I know, music is a gift and we share it with others and blah blah blah....., but enough with the concerts! Let everyone in the congregation get involved if they want. Let's all sing together at one time with one voice singing one song! I've never been in a church where everyone didn't sing every song or at least were welcome to do so. I'm confused.
I know we need leaders, but leaders are not supposed to entertainers. Are we? I'm asking you because I don't know. I think that is what people expect..entertainment. But is God interested in perfomances every week? I don't know. I am asking you what you think.
I think we are supposed to be the best we can be in our worship and in leading people to worship, but I think we have lost focus. We have placed more focus on how good WE are and how WE can get people to worship, when it has nothing to do with us. Only God is good and only God can lead people in to worship. I don't know. I want to bring the music down to the people and I want people to understand the music and sing along. NOW I realize that not all people want to sing along, but what if they want to?
I remember when I first came tot he church I am in now, I was singing my little heart out (while down among the people) and someone told me I wasn't supposed to be singing that part. I was like....are you kidding me? I was singing the solo part that was only reserved for the soloist. Excuse me, isn't this worship time for all of us? I did my best to not sing when I wasn't welcome to sing, but that seems like the wrong approach to leading people into worship. I still feel that way.
And another question: What happens to Jesus in all of this concerting? I know the words are about Jesus, but is the singing and playing about Jesus? Is this concerting we are doing in our entertaining leading people to think of Jesus? I don't know. I can only hope so. Are we creating an environment where people are lead to be grateful and filled with praise to God and not the 'band'. Praise the Gift Giver and not the gift...or gifted.
I am just asking..........

Did any of that make sense?

2006-09-19T15:11:00.000-06:00

I am sorry, that last message/blog was angry and heated. Of course at the time I was hot and mad, so it stands to reason. I have been listening to a tape series about the power of praise and worship. Dwight A Pryor. He comes from a Jewish background and is deciphering for us what the Jewish/Hebrew meaning of P&W in the Old and New Testaments means. The words praise, worship, honor, etc… are all interchangeable. There are no catagories like we westerners tend to put on them. Praise is not a fast beat song, worship is not slow and thought provoking music. Praise is worship. Worship is Praise. My partner and I are running a Monday night service while the Associate Pastor is in VBS and we were thinking of teaching on emerging worship. I thought, cool. We can use the new music we have been working on. We can really get people involved in ‘worship’ and raise their hands during the songs and we can read out of the Message Bible and use new fangled ways to worship to get people to see what this emerging worship is and just how cool they can be at it.
Then I read a portion of a book by Donald Miller. “Blue Like Jazz” (get it! It’s awesome.) I can’t quote, but I can sum up. What good is saying you’re a Christian if you’re not doing what Christ would have done? What good does it do us to worship and praise if we aren’t ‘WWJD’ing in our lives? When we stand and sing and talk about how great God has been to us and how blessed we are and how we just got a job and a big raise at work or Whatever. Giving lip service to God. That’s what I call it. I do it. I know you do it. He asks the question Paraphrased ‘what good are cool websites and neat music if your life isn’t reflecting the life of Jesus? Are you feeding the hungry and clothing the naked? Are people dying of thirst all around you while you swim in your pool of self righteousness? Wow. That makes no sense. Well it does, but you have to be in my mind to understand it.
My bottom line in this is that we who are wanting a new and better way are the Emerging Church. That emerging is the re-discovery of grace and love. It’s not about the music or the dim lights or the web site or the PowerPoint media plays or any of these things. (Although these are good tools to help us get to where God is.) Grace was removed from the message in Rome and in the Dark Ages. Maybe we should call these the Light Ages. The time when a small group of Jesus followers decide to re-instate grace back into the purpose of God. Grace and Love THE EMERGING WORSHIP…...............

If you read nothing else....

2006-09-19T15:10:00.000-06:00

I have to remember to save messages in the middle or I will lose them. I have just spent an hour ranting about the ‘Church’ and poof my message was deleted in the middle. I hate when that happens. I was on a great tirade about how Big God is and that there are black holes 7 BILLION X 6 TRILLION light years away from us (It would take you 32 years to could to even one billion) and that’s how big God is. TO reach the Nearest star traveling 25,000 mph it would take 10,000 years. How long to get to that 7 to the 13th power black hole? That’s math I can’t do. And here we are so concerned about whether or not the guy next to us in church has a tatoo or the people across the asile might be getting a divorce. How can we make such a big God so small and petty?
God’s desire is to be in realtionship with us. It is what keeps us from God that is sin. If a tatoo is what you think keeps people from God, Then don’t get one! On the other hand if another person is awestruck by God and in love with God and in communion with God, but has a hundred tatoos, then tatoos are not a problem to God.
Emerging Worship is for the Emerging Generation. This new emerging generation sees the Church as an enemy of sorts. They watch us do the same old dusty, worn out worship every week after week. They see the hipocracy and exclusionary practices and they want nothing to do with it. And I can’t blame them. They don’t see God in church. The songs we sing are a few hundred years old. The services are always exactly the same in the same order at the same time with the same inflection. I’m getting tired just talking about it. It’s boring. Is God really in this? Yes, God is with me and in me and goes to Church with me, but how can I commune with that God in a fresh new way if the service is old and worn out?
Now let me say this, the church I am in now is awesome and the services are good. The music is upbeat and the messages are touching. BUT we are the Christian church that is associated with all those other churches. I look at our worship team and the only person under 35 is a young woman who will soon be leaving for college. Unfortunately We Are Old! We have old church. It's the same way we've been doing church for ten years. Maybe not here, but I've been a part of several churches and one in NZ. There is nothing wrong with doing what we do. It meets the needs of us middle agers. But is it meeting the needs of the youth? Try and go to TNL one Tuesday night and you will see that it is not.
Let me make one more point: We are Jerry Falwell and John Hagee. We are all the self righteous, bigoted hatefilled "Christains" the our children see on TV. This is what they see. Would you want to be a part of that?
On top of it this is the Church that began the Crusades, the Spanish Inqusition, and endorsed salvery. This is the Church that rejects the outcast, the single mother and the gays. The emerging generation sees this and balks. Let those who are perfect cast stones. Pull the pole out of your own eye before you attempt to remove the small spec from your brother’s eye. LOVE is THE LAW. Love is the law that abides. My question is “How can you walk my walk for me? ” If you are so busy walking my walk for me how can we walk together?

Pride or Prejudice?

2006-09-19T15:09:00.000-06:00

I got an e-mail from my friend Brian in phoenix the other day that really set me to thinking about pride and how he tries to avoid any notion of himself in his own life. What does this have to do with me?.... Well, I sing. When I say I sing I mean I have sung professionally all over the world. I was the praise leader at my church. I sing now on the ‘worship group’ ( don’t let the leader hear me say that! We are a band not a worship team…) at the church I attend now. I mean I sing and I can sing. This is nothing I did of my own effort. I did not take singing lessons. I don’t read music all that well, but the voice that God gave me is amazing. I know you think I am patting my own back and that anyone who has to say all of this is bragging, but I am not. God gave me a true gift…and I squandered it for most of my life. I didn’t understand what I had. I sang in bars and ‘honky tonks’ :) not really honky tonks, but you get the drift. I have sung from New York City to LA. I have opened for people whose names you would recognize. Then, for reasons I will explain another time, for a few years, I didn’t sing at all. I sat and listened to all the sopranos at my church sing these amazing arias and felt inadequate. I sing second alto. Almost as close to tenor as you can get. People want to feel goosebumps when they hear “Jesus Music” and my singing doesn’t effect people like that. So I didn’t let it out. I stood by my own little pew and sang with the rest of the people, not wanting to stand out. Then one day a woman in front of me at church turned around and confronted me. “WHY DON'T YOU SING?” I was taken back, ‘I do sing…right here’. ‘NO!’ she said, ‘You have a gift and it’s time for you to share it with the rest of us!” She was pointing and almost angry finger at me. I suddenly was taken to the story of the talents. I was being selfish in my attitude. I was burying what I had been given in the ground. GOD gave me something to share and I was keeping it locked up because I was afraid of what other people might think. That’s pride! I decided to sing one time and haven’t I stopped since. Now that I have allowed God to use my voice, I see that it’s not about goose bumps. It’s about leading people to a connection with God on a level that they can’t normally attain. My singing brings some of them there. Not because of the ‘voice’, but because of God’s presence in that voice. It is nothing I do of my own accord and nothing I can congratulate myself on earning. It just is. I sing. God shows up. Simple as that.

So You Think You Know Grace.........

2006-09-19T15:07:00.000-06:00

Wow! What a serious beginning. So YOU think YOU know grace. Going out on a limb here to say ‘I don’t think you do.’. Since grace is God’s idea how can we as people say we understand anything God is doing. Even God said we wouldn’t understand anything. His ways are not our ways. I read a book recently called “Mister God, this is Anna.” If you ever have the chance to find or read this, I would highly recommend it. It is an English book (as in UK and not the language.) published in the early 60s so who’s to say it will be easy to find. My copy was bought for me by a friend while we were shopping in a second hand shop in New Zealand. Guess what, I just looked and it seems that you can pick it up on Amazon. GO figure. It has five stars so I’m not the only one that liked it!! I digress…....... This is one of the most amazing and grace filled books I have ever read. One quote I can’t get out of my head is “grace and mercy are just words we use to describe the indescribeable.” Just words. We can no more comprehend the true grace and mercy offered to us than we can comprehend the entirety of creation itself. In science I think the more we know the less we know. It seems to me that grace is much the same way. I study and try to learn and the more I THINK I understand the less I really do. I have had great teachers, Brian Patterson, Philip Yancey, Jesus, Paul….. But I still struggle with the idea that we are FREE IN CHRIST. Holy Moly! What does that really mean? What is this grace offered to us? Many religions will tell you what their definition of grace is. My Parents religion tells them that grace is only Christ’s death for the sin of Adam and the rest is up to us to earn. Some say that grace is only for certain sins or acts. One says that grace is only for you if you pay for it. Is grace free or is it not? Let me rephrase, grace was not free as we were bought with a great price. Is grace a gift, something given to us that we can either accept or reject? TBC…..

What is emerginworship anyway?

2006-09-19T15:03:00.000-06:00

So, my pastor went on sabatical to study and find out for himself what is this emerging worship. I started reading online and reading actual books made of paper and found so many different ideas. I started brain storming and here are some ideas I came up with about what it is and how can it be manifest:

Emerging Worship
Healing servicesMusic only worship (Congregational Music, Prayer, Scripture Reading)
Music with PowerPoint Presentations
Media inspiredMessianic Worship
Lessons on a Deeper understanding of GodMovement in WorshipDrama as worship
Dance
Sign Language in/as Worship

UNDERSTAND: Every Gift is a Real Gift! Every Talent is a Real Talent! Reading Writing Painting Cooking Serving Typing Organizing Singing Signing Exercising Teaching Learning Sharing Inventing

To me emerging worship is= Abandoning the Law Giving, Law Keeping, Hate Filled, Rule Giving, Paranoid message and style of the Modern Christian Church and Grasping the Message of REAL Grace. Not Grace as defined by man, but grace as Defined by God. Dispensing with the notion that God is somehow finite and human-like and realizing the point is for humans to become more infinite and God-like. More infinite in our understanding, more open in our beliefs more accepting of concepts that oppose what we have been taught for years on end.
Emerging Worship= Doing those things in worship which bring us closer to God. This is not necessarily ‘church’ as we define it. How about…..

Walking in the Forest or Fields Watching a sunset Rocking a baby Sitting by a river to pray Enjoying a sunrise Sitting and just thinking about God Writing a book Singing a song to yourself Drawing a picture Putting your thoughts up on a blog:)

There are no rules about how we should worship just that we should worship in a way that opens us up to new depths of understanding. If your way to worship is to have high church, then by all means do so. My only wish in that is that there is a deeper understanding of God in all that ceremony. In the same manner I would wish that those who have high energy worship not get caught up in how good the music is and how good they are FEELING and pay attention to how good God is. The Jewish tradition says that the highest form of worship is study. To them this is emerging worship. To me music sends me to the highest of places with God as do trials and tribulations. What is this emerging?