I'll have a cup of God, Please

They were talking yesterday on the radio about "Soul Issues". I'm not sure exactly what that means, but the response from the young man about or to whom they were speaking was, "But I go to church every week." Think about that. "I go to church every week." Are we so incredibly blinded by 'religion' that we think 'going to church' is the answer to our soul issues? Before we begin this, let me state emphatically that I think going to church is a good thing and I am in no way opposed to it, BUT going to church isn't ever going to deal with any issues of the soul. The only way to deal with issues of the soul is to discover your conduit to touching the Face of God. I believe that we as humans are created with a certain need, desire, longing to connect with something that is much bigger than we could ever imagine. To capture Joy in a bottle if you don't want to call it God. Having given this some thought I began to realize the obvious. We are so busy filling our lives with junk food time wasters that we don't have time to see that we have forgotten our quest. We play the Wii, we watch "The Girls Next Door", we cruise the internet, we drink, we do drugs, we find anything we can do to avoid being alone with our own thoughts. We seek so desperately to fill that 'soul emptiness', which craves fullness, with anything that comes along. Some people will eat themselves to death to be filled. We all do something. Going to Church is only another thing we do that we think will make us feel full, but for some it only lasts as long as we are sitting in the pew. When we walk out the door it now becomes our responsibility to find that conduit. I know people who don't go to church who will tell you that they know God intimately through skiing. Of course. How awesome to look down on the perfect run on a crisp winter day in the midst of a glorious creation. Imagine taking that deep breath before you push off. How AMAZING! My personal conduit is music. I feel the presence of the holy, the Joy, the Creator, or whatever you wish, when I listen to, sing or write music. It often brings such joy to me that I can't control my emotions and I know that there is something bigger than I am flowing through that sound. Some people write while others paint. My mother rides her horse. Tibetan monks meditate and find that connection in silence. There is something in all of this that is common. There is nothing false or contrived about any of these things. They are creative, introspective or touching nature in some fashion. It is time for us to take a break. Stop right now and take a deep breath. Find your Soul Healing in that conduit. Find your path. Your soul will be satisfied.

Is this Success?

For the second day in a row the Dom and Jane raido show gave me something to think about. Here is my letter to them:

I never have time to call when you guys have the BEST subjects, but it gives me time to think and absorb the gravity of certain things.
While I was contemplating the definition of success I came to a startling conclusion that actually brought a tear to my eye. Let me tell you a true story.
My brother’s girlfriend, whom he loved deeply, contracted ovarian cancer. By the time it was discovered it was much too late to treat. For 6 long and agonizing months she suffered while this nasty disease ravaged her body. In the waning moments of her life the last word she spoke was “Finally.”
Her success was in leaving this life. She was finally released from pain and suffering. She was living for that one moment when she could let go. I came to realize in an epiphany moment that sometimes 'success' is death.
I realized that in our society we mostly think on success as the material. I have nothing against success and money. GOD no! I love money! But my success comes from other things. Watching my baby smile as I come in the door, taking the perfect picture, learning a new skill. My success is the living of life. To others it’s the attaining of the goal. To some it’s leaving this life and moving on to another.
But no matter how we define it success can be life or death and it’s just that simple.

Too depressing? Call me Captain Bring Down.

Soul Mates

This was my response to a discussion that took place on a local radio rpogram Dom and Jane on MIX100. A woman called in and said that everything that happens was meant to happen and

there is really no free will:

Soul mates & meant to happen. WOW! I love this kind of mind candy!
If you believe in a grand design or a designer, call it God, the Power, the Creator, or the Beginning of all things, there are things that are meant to happen or exist. The rotation of the earth, weather and gravity to name a few. Without such we are without life as we know it and the Creator meant to make these things happen. BUT just because weather is meant to be doesn't mean that tornados are meant to rip apart Midwest towns. It doesn't mean that droughts are meant to cause the deaths of millions of people a year. Gravity is not meant to cause airplanes to crash or children to fall out of trees. My supposition is this, things are not meant to happen, but things might happen for a reason. Better stated maybe all of the things that happen have a purpose. This thing that happened…not 'Why did it happen?', but rather "What is there that I can take away from it?". Example, I was in an abusive relationship that ended up with me in the hospital and her in jail. I take full responsibility for the choices I made to get me to that place. IT DIDN'T JUST HAPPEN. I may not be to blame, but we all have a certain amount of responsibility in getting ourselves into certain situations. I digress. My choices are this,
Do I let this ruin me for life and make me a bitter victim….or do I choose to learn from all of it? The pain, the humiliation, the violence are all a portion of what happened. I don't think this was meant to happen, but there is a lesson, purpose, reason I can find to change me for the better?
I was at the train station thinking about exactly the crux in all of this and I came up with the oldest question in the world. "What is the meaning of life?" My answer (for me) is this. The meaning of life is living. Making choices and not having them made for me by some big hand in the sky. There are great things to be learned and explored and enjoyed. The more I live these things the closer I am to that Higher Power let's call it Joy. Not God or etc…. But Joy. If I can find good lessons in bad things that happen then I live closer to Joy. BUT I can also say the egg broke because I dropped it not because anything is destine to occur. I accept my free will and move on with my living life for the purpose of Joy.
Not all people live for Joy and that's fine. It makes things interesting. The meaning of their life is still living. Maybe they are living for Anger or Grief. Unfortunately, these people's lives that are angry and grief stricken sometimes makes it difficult for those of us living for Joy to have a good time. BUT when those bad living people do things that affect good people….we have to find a good thing to take out of it.
And No, it doesn't always work that way. I'm not pie in the sky, but I am out to let eggs get broken and make scrambled eggs.

Kandis

1111

1111- What the heck is this all about? My partner Cheryl and I have been seeing 1111 in some form of fashion for years. She well before I. The clock, the car, the computer, phone conversations lasting 11min 11 seconds, chalk boards, newspapers, cash receipts... The list goes on. I actually have a collection of 1111 things. We bought a 1/2 gallon jar of olives for a party. We got home and the lid read that it was packed at 1111. The UPS driver tried to deliver a package at 11:11. We know because they left a message on the door. I drove to the wrong house once...the address was 1111. I needed to go one block over. The e-mergency packet a friend at work gave me has 1111% of the daily recommended dose of vitamin C. The phone rings at 11:11 all the time. It's usually Cheryl. Our daughter's birth date 5+2+4=11 Her weight 4+7=11 She was small.... the circumference of her head and her length = 11. It goes on. Our wedding date 0+8+1+0+0+2=11. I suppose if you add the other 2 in 2002 it is 14, but then you have to add the time of the wedding and that was 6 and 1+4+6=11. I guess what I am saying is that this isn't coincidence. I have read many things about what it means and the best one I can come up with is the universe tapping us on the shoulder. By the way....Don't forget that we are all one or 1. Just 1111 Quantum physics and Plankes theory tells us that we are all, at the VERY core of existence, at the very deepest level, connected. I believe that we are and this is how praying for another person works even when they don't know you're praying. Our very own energy is able to effect the atoms around us sending out a message to the other person's atoms around them that there is good energy coming their way.
For anyone who thinks that this is heretical thinking isn't remembering who it was that made this universe and all the laws of physics that govern it. God made everything and then connected it all at the atomic level so that we could have the power of God at our finger tips. We just don't remember that we know this. How do you think faith healing works? The Power of God to effect the physical realm through the unseen. Jesus walked on water. Do you suppose he knew the secret that it's all one?

Changing Perspectives

You know there are so many times in our lives that we come to pivital points and make decisions that change everything. Or we discover things about ourselves or those around us that refocus the way we see things in our lives. Take having a child as an example. My Partner and I just adopted a gorgeous little girl who will just make your heart melt. No one could have told me how MUCH my life would change at the very moment she took her first breath. EVERYTHING changed. My life is no longer my own. I live to see her and touch her and hold her close. I would die to see her smile if that was what it would take. Instead I sing "99 Bottles of Milk on the Wall" and that does the trick. I make a fool of myself for her. Not that I didn't before, but now I have a reason. When someone told me that my life would be different, I thought, ' I'm sure it will.' HA! I listened, but I had no capcity to hear. Come to find out it was more than a change, it was a complete undoing and rebuilding and the construction is still occurring. When someone used to say, "Unless you have a child, you can't understand." I was insulted and yes damn it I do understand. Again, HA. No I didn't and no you can't either unless you have a child.

I have a new and profound appreciation for my own mother who raised five of us. 5 CINCO FIVE. That was another thing you could have said. 'You won't really love your mother until you have children of your own.' Now I did love my mother, but now that love comes with understanding of a sacrifice that I had no comprehension of before that. Mothers give up everything for their children....well not everything. I still work and I still love to play on my computer, but now I go to work keeping in mind that baby needs diapers. I sit at the computer while she plays with the keys.
I see my friendships differently and unfortunately they are divided into who loves my child and who doesn't. That maybe harsh, but the ones who have children and who love children see the world through similar glasses now.
We see with baby goggles.

Blood or No Blood?

Yes ladies and germs- It's been a very long time and yet it seems that nothing changes and yet it changes all the time. It's confusing.
I was talking with my partner to other day about our church. We have a nice little church that we go to that could drive you nuts if you think too hard about it. The pastor is awesome! I will give it that. We have made great friends! I'll give it that. But it is SERIOUSLY lacking in passion for Christ. Christ is the corner stone and yet He gets treated as another brick in the wall sometimes. I have run into people who are more interested in politics and making sure that you are on the correct side of the political line than they are interested in who Christ is and exactly what a relationship with Him means. It bugs me some days. We talk a lot about "God", but are afraid to mention the name of Jesus so that we don't offend the people who came who are not Christians. Now, Steve is good about talking the Jesus talk, but not in that 'we all need to learn about who this man in " kind of way. Maybe this is how most 'middle of the road' churches are. It's odd. This is what I would call a 'liberal' church in it's ideals and yet the worship and service is SOOOO middle of the road old fashioned that it creaks. Old Methodist and Presbyterian services from 100yrs ago. Sure the music is upbeat...but the service isn't.
You see, I have a passion for Christ! I have a deep down love and appreciation for His sacrifice. It makes me want to jump and shout. It makes me want to raise my hands and thank God for it all!
Here is an example. We were actually having a debate at music practice the other night as to whether or not we could sing about the "Blood Of Jesus" it might offend people. Excuse me? Isn't that part of the reason we follow Christ? Isn't His sacrifice the example of our actions? Isn't the resurrection and the power therof what we seek to attain? Paul said "I want to know nothing except Christ Crucified and the POWER of His resurrection." How do we have a resurrection without the crucifixion? How are we washed clean with the blood if there is no blood? Jesus in Mark 14:24 says "This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many," he said to them." The blood covenant. How can this happen without the Blood?
Ah well, let's not offend anyone with Jesus, shall we not?

A lot to thnk about

I'm not too great at having anything profound to say, but I'll try. I gave the 'lesson' at ITL two weeks ago and here was the topic for discussion. "Why do bad things happen to Good People?"
A thought just this very moment came to me as I was typing that. What makes us think we're good? I' mean think about it. If this is a fallen world and all of our 'good works' are as filthy rags in the eyes of God...what makes us think we're so very good and deserving of good things. Now I know what you 'graceies' are going to say...God is good all the time. We are all offered the same grace as the next guy. Yadayada! This is what I say to that...God is God perfect in all ways. Perfectly just. Pefectly balanced. Bad things happen and God lets them happen. Why? Because He is smarter than we are. That's why. Bad things happen because this is not aworld controled by God.....NOOOOOOOOOOOOO that is blasphemey! Well, not really, God let's men control their own actions. People are dying in Africa at astounding rates because bad men run the governments. And no matter how much money we throw at the problem, bad men will make it of no effect. Children are abused because evil people are abusive.
It all started in the beginning and it's been happening ever since. Evil happens so that free will can exist. Illness and death are a result of contamination. This is a broken and contaminated world and illness is not choosy about its victim. Young, old, healthy, weak, male and female. Shit happens!
I had an interesting conversation with an agnostic one time and she said why doesn't God stop all of this if 'it' exisits. I said, "If He/She did then free will would have to disappear and we would be slaves." "Well, why doesn't God listen and answer our prayers?" Now that's a tough one. I do believe that God answers prayers in God's time and in God's resoning. I also believe that Maybe...just maybe...you might have to believe in God in some way to have it happen. Granted, some people have more of an 'in' with God, but in the long run I think on some level you have to say "yes" there is something bigger than me. AND we can't ask for world peace becasue it will never happen as long as free will is part of the plan. Men don't like to be peaceful. We like to be jealous and mean and scared and power hungry and angry. We like to take advantage of others for our own good.
See?
Bad things happen because we are a free group of evil people. Don't blame it on God. Take a look in the mirror.

It's been too long!

I am not as liberal as I would appear. I have differing views on social programs and fiscal responsibility. HOWEVER, I think both sides of the fence are not without 'sin'.
As far as marriage goes, I think that less and less has to do with whether it works or not. More and more I think it has to do with societal norms. Everyone (okay 50% of everyone) gets divorced. I think that stat is low because fewer people are getting married and yet still producing families that eventually break apart. I know very few people who have not been divorced. I want to know where the other half of this 50% are!
Serial Monogamy and the Lesbian. That is such a loaded title. Women are so much different than men and yet we are not..........it just takes us longer to sleep with someone else. Men can do it in a night....women take two years. I think it comes attached to the Lesbian gene that and the U-Haul Syndrome. Seriously though, women become attached very quickly and fail to go through any courting rituals or engagement periods. I really believe that the only reason my partner and I have stayed together is because I was in New Zealand for a year after we had only been seeing each other for seven months. We were apart long enough to get to really know each other. Trust me, long distance relationships can work as long as there is an end in sight. When I came to know Christ I gave my sexuality and relationships to Him and I was single for almost 4 years. For me that was unheard of. I was never out of a relationship for more than a week. If someone broke my heart I was ready to patch it up with a new lover. With that mind set of never wanting to be alone, I constantly chose anything and everything that was available to me. None of which was healthy. JUST BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO BE ALONE. Isn't that the reason we do these things instead of waiting for God to bring that one person to us that would give us the best chance at longterm relationship? So what am I trying to say in all of this?

I think society almost expects divorce. Thus it makes it so very easy to break up and not work to stay together. We leave if we're not happy about the toothpaste cap or the way the other person breathes.
Answer these questions:

Do you have to tools to make it work?
Do you know enough about how the other person views the world around them?
Are you willing to find out instead of thinking about yourself all the time?
It takes both parties to want a healing.
Got it?

Now that's not fair!

I have a question. I know you’re shocked, but don’t be. My question is what is fair/unfair? We had a forum tonight with the pro amendment 43 spokesman. For the record amendment 43 is the 'man one woman marriage is the best thing ever' amendment to the constitution of Colorado on the ballot up for vote on 4NOV06. I got one main thing out of what the man who came to speak to us had to say. Life is not fair when you are not in the circle of power. Things are not fair when you’re gay and you don’t have civil rights. Things are not fair when you’re an unmarried woman with children. Things are not fair when you want to join the military and you’re sick. Things are not fair when you want to drive at 12. Things are not fair when you want to go to Harvard but you’re grades aren’t good enough. I only have one thing to say. No I don’t. I have a list of things to say about this. Unmarried mothers have the option of getting married. If you can’t serve in the military because of your health, volunteer in some other fashion. If you can’t drive at 12 wait for a few years. If you want to go to Harvard, study your freaking ass off and go. When it comes to civil rights there is not much to be done when someone else can change things for you and doesn’t want to or even thinks it’s sinful to do so. It’s really not fair when a citizen of this country pays taxes and social security and contributes to society, but lacks the civil rights to protect their loved ones. That is what is unfair.
It’s not fair when the Savior of the World is accused of sacrilege and the summarily crucified. It’s not fair when children in third world countries die daily from dysentery when we have fresh running water on tap. How many of us drink bottled water because tap water just doesn’t taste right? That’s unfair. Come on. There is so much in this world that is unfair we lack the words the truly define it.
I do know that it’s completely unfair when someone else decides what is right or wrong for your life. It’s unfair when your rights as a human being are decided by those who feel what they believe is ‘more right’ than what you believe. It’s unfair when people have the power to change what is unfair into more equal and instead choose to make things more unfair than they were before. That means that it is up to us to make a change. Even while we are in the midst of in-equality, unfairness and discrimination we have the responsibility to attempt to change what we can or change ourselves. Christians/gays/blacks/Muslims/Jews (put your favorite minority here) will always be thrown to the lions in one way or another, it’s what we/they do in the lion’s pit that will define what is equal in the eyes of God. And that’s what really matters.

The Veil....

This blog is just for my own thoughts so I don’t know why I don’t write when I think I have nothing profound to say. I occasionally have interesting thoughts, but very rarely are they profound. SO…..that said. I have been learning so much in our In The Light service or should I say re-learning. We have been discussing prayer and the many ways to pray and what is prayer and how are we to ‘work’ it. The one thing I was taught to fear upon my conversion to Christianity was anything remotely ‘occultish’. Now this was construed as anything to do with meditation, healing touch as opposed to laying on of hands, and the like. For my entire life I have had the touch. IN certain situations I can touch a person and feel their pain or their power. Their life force if you will. When I meditate I can calm my crazy center. The two things that are gifts to me I was taught were evil tools of the devil. I really couldn’t find this in scripture anywhere, but it had to be true, right?
David said he meditated on the word. Christ felt power go out from Him when the woman with issue of blood touched Him. So why am I any different than them, besides the fact that I am not GodJ? I believe that through and with the Spirit we can do the things that Jesus did. I can feel when I touch someone ill that something has gone out of me. That ‘this talent’ didn’t go away when I decided to follow the Way of Jesus so now I have decided that it is a gift just like any other that I must try to figure out how to use. We are not given gifts that we should ignore them. It’s just one of those confusing situations God puts us in. It might not be today and it might not be tomorrow, but one day I’ll figure it out.
As for the meditation, I have found that comfort and calm come when I use a mantra. It stops my mind from wandering and I am able to achieve a connection with the other side of the veil. I am able to see/visualize the supernatural. I know it sounds crazy. Even I think it’s out there, but all I can say is I am praying for a man in the South Pacific because I saw him while I was praying one morning. I don’t know who he is. I don’t know exactly what island he is on. I don’t know what he does for a living or why he is praying all I know is that he needs prayer. And so I pray. I know in my heart that no one is praying for this man or at least very few people are and I was directed to him. Let me tell my story of how this came about.
Steve, The Pastor Man, has been touched in his heart to pray for the world. He gave us the example of how he uses the visualization of Google Earth to pray for certain parts of the world. Anywhere he wants to pray for he sees in his minds eye and he travels there in his mind and prays over that place. In this same way he will see a person in his mind and he will do the same thing as they come before him. So I have been doing this and the first time I did it I could actually see the things and places that were being prayed for. I could see the light shining down on whatever or wherever it was that was being prayed for. I was taken from place to place very quickly to be shown that people are praying over Washington, Iraq, Africa and other places. I was going so quickly that I was trying to tell the being with me to slow down. The being. No I don’t know what or who or if it was an angel. If I had to guess I would say it was an angel of some kind, my guide if you will. I can hear the comments now… “She has a Spirit Guide! EVIL!” No, how else am I to know who God would have me pray for than to guide me there? I didn’t see anyone and no one spoke to me. I just knew that someone/thing was leading me. ANYWAY, I was seeing the light of prayer around all of these places and I was only at each for seconds it seemed until I was lead to this Island in SP. There was a man on his knees deep in prayer and there was no one else praying for/with him. There were no ‘prayer lights’ around him for lack of a better way to describe it, so I prayed. I still pray for a man across the world that I don’t know anything about. He might be a missionary. He might be a minister of some sort. All I do know with all of my heart is that he needs prayer. And so I pray. Kandis Glasgow

Anger and my Humanity

I got mad the other day. As a matter of fact, I’m still angry. Now this is not the kind of angry you get when someone forgets to put the cap back on the toothpaste. No this is the kind of irate you get where you want to do physical harm to another human being. Oh sure, someone is going to say to me, “You don’t really mean that.” “You’re not that kind of person.” But they would be wrong. I am exactly that kind of person and so are you. If we admit to ourselves in all honesty that we are human and that we are capable of any emotion and action, we have begun the true journey.

Several months ago during ITL we did an outline of our bodies on butcher paper,
I should say we outlined each other on butcher paper (for which I have not yet been forgiven) and we were told to write with in the outline exactly the things that moved us in our lives. Now I went along with the theme of the project and wrote all the nice sweet things that are really only a fraction of what moves or motivates me in my life. I wrote love and Jesus and music and joy and candy coated peace signs. It’s not that those things are not huge motivating factors in my life. They are, but what about the dark things in my heart that make me the carnal human that I am? What about the selfishness that motivates me more often than not? I wanted to speak out right then that I felt like a liar. These things aren’t the real me. At least they are not the total me. I wanted to scream out, “LAIR! Oh wretched man that I am! Who will save me from this body of death?” I wanted to cry out that I am not that person on the paper. I have an evil nature and I am at battle with it even now. The struggle is fierce and I am losing at the moment. I do and say things that shock even me. How could I want to hurt someone? And yet I wanted nothing more than just that for the past several days. I am capable of any behavior because I am sick. I have a disease that there is only one cure for it short of death. Jesus. And even then the illness lives on and wages war with my spirit.

If you ever have the chance pick up the “Little Red Book”. It’s an AA book that is a little version of the Big Blue Book. IF you read that and substitute the words human for alcoholic you will begin to understand the battle we are truly in. Step one: We admitted we were powerless over our humanity and that our lives have become unmanageable. We are addicted to ourselves. We are hooked on our lives. We are our favorite drug. We are filled with anger and self-hatred that is really self absorption. We lie and cheat and steal to make ourselves feel better and yet we are sickened by us at the same time. I know it sounds morbid and that I have a cynical attitude about things. But hear me out. This is honesty. I know my faults, my humanity if you will. I work at making them right all the time and for the most part I do okay, but there is that part of me that remains hidden and eats at me when I get cut off in traffic. But then I understand that it is not by MY strength, but with His. You see I know it is only with God that we are made right. It is only with God that we can be made right with those around us. It is only with God that we can ever hope to overcome our true selves. Step two: We came to believe that a Power Greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Some of us have completely overcome our violent, angry, self-absorbed natures, but not me. I put on a good show for the masses. I keep my addiction hidden. I even really do love people, but how can I say I love God and speak badly about my brother? How can I say I love God and yet there are children dying at the rate of one every five seconds from hunger. I got an e-mail once that said, “I screamed at God when I saw all the children starving until I realized the starving children were God screaming at me.”
I am selfish. I like my things. How do I stop liking my things enough to give them up so others won’t starve? I am the rich young ruler. I am the notorious sinner. I am Judas. And as long as I know that these people live inside of me, with the help of God, I can fight them. It is when I refuse to admit that they are there that they can do the most damage. I realize that only a Power Greater than myself can help me. Step Three: We made a conscious decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand Him/Her. Kandis Glasgow

Let's Meet

We had a meeting, for the first time, one on one with our pastor last night (9-25) just to have a chance to get to know him and have him get to know us. It was an interesting experience in that I am endlessly inquisitive and hopelessly opinionated. Cheryl made me begin by asking my ‘theological question’ ‘just how Christian is this church?’. I received an interesting reply that I am not sure answered the question I had in my heart. Steve answered us with his explanation that he believed in the cosmological redemption through Christ. I tend to believe the same way in that this universe will be completely restored to Jesus/God through whom entirety was created. He also stated that he doesn’t necessarily agree with Paul that Jesus dies for our sin and the God the Creator didn’t intend to set Him up as a sacrifice for that sin. He postulated that Jesus never said that was why He was here and that the first time it was ever spoken of was by Paul as an explanation of why Jesus was crucified. Hummmmm.

That bodes thought on my part as I don’t tend to agree with that rendition of the story. Not because of what Paul may or may not have said, but because of what John cousin of Jesus was reported to have said at Jesus’ baptism and that is, “Behold the Lamb of God Who takes away the sins of the world.” Now that I stop and think about it Jesus said many things that indicated that he knew of His impending death and the purpose for it. He said, “Unless a grain of wheat fall to the ground and die it resides alone, but if it dies many more are created.” and “The Comforter will not come unless I go away.” Then “Jesus answered, "How can the guests of the bridegroom mourn while he is with them? The time will come when the bridegroom will be taken from them; then they will fast.” At one point Jesus told the disciples that the ‘this temple will be destroyed and then restored in three days.’

So, in all of this Jesus, IMHO, knew he was going to be killed and or sacrificed. Not only that He said it was nescessary. John said He was going to remove the sin of the world. Jesus knew that the Comforter couldn’t come and death wouldn’t be destroyed, if He wasn’t killed and resurrected. He told us that there was no way for the church to grow unless He died. SO. What does this all tell me? I don’t have a clue, but I can try to make a guess.

John the Baptist said Jesus was a Lamb not just any Lamb, but the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world. Why would John call Jesus that? The perfect Lamb of God could only have been an offer of sacrifice to ‘forgive, or better yet, remove the lack of faith that was the cause of, sin.”

NOW, scripture says that, now I want you to get this, (and thank you Brian Patterson for constantly reminding me of this) anything that is not of faith is sin. So, if the Spirit could only come to dwell with people if Jesus ‘went away’ (was made a sacrifice to bring the Spirit) and faith comes through the Spirit, then Christ died to save us from lack of faith which is sin. Am I wrong? Is my logic flawed? Sin is such an ugly word that is used to exclude people from relationship with God. Sin is whatever is not of faith.
I guess what I am concluding is that Jesus died and was resurrected so that the Spirit could fall on all people not just a few. The Spirit leads us to/through faith to those things that are not sin. Let faith be your guide. Kandis Glasgow

Fruitiness (Bible Shorts)

Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

I was looking at an apple tree the other day with its freshly ripe green fruit. They looked delicious and I decided that I would love to have one. I stepped up to the tree to choose one of the tart apples. As I looked over my choices I realized that all the fruit was basically the same. Some were a bit smaller than others. Some were perhaps not quite ripe, but by in large they were all the same. Although I know it’s only fruit I thought a bit longer on this and realized that it probably looked a lot like the fruit that the seed that sprouted this tree came from. Fruit is the replication of the Seed. He is the vine we are the branches. If we remain in Him we will bear much fruit. John 15:5 Jesus said that, “Unless a seed fall to the ground and die it remains alone. But if it dies it produces many seeds.” John 12:24 Seeds grow trees that bear fruit. Christ died so that we might be the replication of Him. The Spirit came so that we could succeed.

Being a bit more fruity,

You are not your past.

Believe it or not I used to give sermons at Open Door Community Church in Denver on occasion and as I was wandering around my PC I found one that I thought deserved a closer look. Please take into consideration that it was originally written in outline form and I did my best to expound on the ideas that were running through my head at the time. So here it goes......

You Are Not Your Past


When was the last time you looked in the mirror and said, “Well, PRAISE THE Lord! I am one heck of an awe inspiring creation! If you’re anything like me that would be never. We are always picking away at ourselves. We are never quite good enough for us. We compare ourselves to Super Models, Athletes and Movie Stars. How fair is that? We are forever making comparisons to those who have more money, better looks and bigger houses. We even compare ourselves to people in our own family. Wouldn’t it be nice to be more like my sister, brother or cousin?
Then you take a look at nature and then you really are in awe and wonder.

Psalm 8 says “When I look at the amazing work of your hand, I wonder who am I that you should consider me? And the son of man that you care about him? Yet You have made us just slightly lower than the angels and crowned us with glory and majesty. You did make us to rule over Your creation. You put under our rule including the animals of the earth and the beasts of the field and the birds of the air and even the fish that swim in the seas. “

Now I don’t know how many of you have seen the magnificence of God first hand, but I have. (No I have never been to the moon or landed on some distant star, butI have looked through a very powerful teltscope) You can’t miss it really. Go outside on a clear night and look up. That is the majesty of God revealed. “O Lord our Lord! How majestic is Your name in all the earth. You have displayed Thy splendor above the heavens.” We look out at the stars and see only a tiny fraction of what is out there.
What is it like to think about that? Do you feel small and insignificant? Can we, in our small minds, understand how immense this universe is? We can’t. No more than we can comprehend eternity. But this earth is merely a cell in a very large body. The earth is big enough for us to contemplate. 6.5 billion people. You are just one being in all of that chaos. So WHO ARE WE in all of this immensity?
Genesis 1:27
27. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him;….

You are created in the very image of the God that created all of this. You are created slightly lower than the angles, but far above the very stars in the sky. You are a precious jewel set in the crown of the Most High.

So if we are created in the image of God to be like God, why do we spend so much time and effort listening to false information? You know it’s true. Let us count the ways.
1: People we don’t even know.
2: Ourselves
3: Sometimes our spouse/SO
4: “friends”
5: Parents
6: TV/media

AS I look over this list I see the majority are people we are very close to. I know that a great deal of false information come from our parents. I think back on my years of schooling and I recall tons of false information that came from the ‘bullies’ and my teachers. I know it’s hard to believe that teachers would ever make a comment that might be critical, but it happens. These situations and people can attach labels to us that can haunt us and play tapes in out minds for years. They may not be in these exact words but they can be:

Stupid
Fat
You’re a waste
You’re ugly
You can’t do anything right
Klutz
Idiot
Loser
Dork
Geek
Lazy

I have heard many of these and I call myself some of them. Perhaps you have done things in the past or have had things happen to you that have ‘labeled’ you or Maybe you have labeled yourself:

Maybe you were abused so you are a victim
Perhaps you have had alcohol abuse in you past
Maybe, like me, you abused drugs.
Could it be that you have issues with anger?’
Are you a thief?
Liar?
Godless?
Cheater

How many of these things do we allow to define who we are? We are told in scripture to speak things that are not as though they are and yet we find it difficult to believe that my telling myself that I am not a drug addict doesn’t make it so. Jesus makes it so. Jesus delivered us from all of the labels that man puts on us. That’s just it these labels are:

Man made.
They are not truth as in they are lies.
They were nailed to the cross.

Jesus died to deliver us from the wages of sin and death. These labels are just that. If life and death are in the tongue and death has been defeated then we can overcome the death that has been dealt to us over the years. Every single part of your life where you feel you fall short has been sacrificed with Christ on the cross. Every time that we heard or said these words to ourselves it was as if Satan himself was speaking defeat and death to you. You see we are not in a battle with flesh and blood but with dark powers that are trying to steal from us what Christ died to give us. The one thing we can be sure of is that these labels are not from the God that created us greater than the stars.

1 John 4:4-6
4. You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them (the spirits of antichrist), because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.
5. They are from the world and therefore speak from the viewpoint of the world, and the world listens to them.

Paul said “I want to know nothing except Christ and Him crucified.”
I don’t want to know that old me. I don’t want to know anything about the life I left behind. These labels are not who we in Christ are anymore. Romans 8:1 reminds us that There is Now no condemnation to those who are in Christ. So, we are of God and so we should ask….

“What would God say?”

We are God’s greatest creation
I am saved
I am Chosen
I am Loved
I am forgiven
I am the very righteousness of God through Christ Jesus
I am above and not beneath. The head and not the tail.
I am a Child of the King of the Universe.
And so are You!

So that none of you should think I don’t know what I’m talking about or perhaps that I live some charmed life, I have worn all those labels that I listed above. Either from others or myself. I was a liar, thief, cheater, slob, and a loser. Carrying these labels around can become the heaviest possession we own. The can bend our will and crush our true self. Our Jesus self. It is time set down the labels and enter into the rest that Jesus said was His rest, through accepting the sacrifice that was made for us. We must remember that the past is in the past and now we are free. We must forgive all of those who have spoken against us including ourselves. Every single hurt and bruise, every horrid thought and memory is now nailed to the cross where Christ took it all upon His shoulders. It can’t hurt you anymore.
Come to Me all you who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest. What words to rest by! YOU are God’s greatest creation. Don’t ever forget!

Bible Shorts.....

If you have been keeping up....and I know that you haven't because this is new to you, I wrote that I used to post devotionals of sorts called Bible Shorts on Grace on Line...so I decided why not here? I have several saved from the past and I figured they're just taking up hard drive.
So here is your first BS one thing I am truly full of:)

Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called Sons of God.
Matthew 5:9

Peace. Can you think of a time when there was not a war happening somewhere in the world? I can’t. South Africa. Zimbabwe. Bosnia. Kuwait. Honduras. Vietnam. Korea. How about Denver? Littleton. Boise. Right now in the world the US is at war with Iraq. It’s a bit nerve wracking and world peace would be nice. One thing I will never forget Jesus saying, “There will be wars and rumors of war.” The conflicts will continue on until the time when Jesus splits the eastern sky. Even The Lord Himself stated He is Lord of Hosts: the very army of God. Then WHY OH WHY did the Son of God say that He brought us peace, that he gave us His peace? Not as the world gives peace, but a peace that passes all understanding. I mean even believers are in a battle. It’s a spiritual battle with Satan and his minions. It’s a war not against flesh and blood but principalities and powers of the darkness. This battle is as violent as one fought with spiritual tanks and holy bombers. Just because we can’t see doesn’t mean it’s not heated and brutal. Some days I feel as if I can feel the war going on around me. There is a huge battle for yours and my protection. Not knowing you as well as I know myself, I must say I need all the protection I can handle. Not only do I need it for my body but I also need it for my very soul. I need angels shielding my eyes from the temptations that are offered up to me every day. Like I need any help getting into trouble. Christ is the Prince of Peace sent to ‘give us His peace.’ Peace in Jesus is not a lack of conflict. (The world’s view of peace.) Our peace is in knowing we have nothing to fear for He has overcome the world.

Fever induced thoughts....or I have the flu....

Tuesday 9/19/06 we attented a 'lecture' given by our recently returned pastor about his adventures in the emerging worship world. It was a very fascinating lecture/lesson about the emerging culture. His conclusion was that the two, worship and culture, are inextricablly connected. Now, why didn't I think of that? In a very small way maybe I did in that I stated in a previous blog that the new generation doesn't want our same old tired worship. It's not that the worship is tired and it's not that people don't reach God through it, although at times it is difficult (more later), it's that it's is not for a new generation. We don't worship or 'do church' as our parents did, well some of us do...but that's not the point either. What we consider modern is really not all that modern after all. I must say that the rise of the more "comtemporary" services is really fairly new in its rise, but it is already old. In this age of the internet and technology things age faster and the new becomes old rather quickly. Ideas are shared spontaneoulsy, used immediately and discarded in a matter of weeks. Knowledge, as we understand it, is doubled every few months. We as a group of Old Baby Boomers and GenXers can't remain in our newly old worship and hope to gain or maintain our young people. Cheryl and I figured that out about four years ago when we helped found an on line church called Grace On Line. To begin it was the brain child of the pastor at our old church. It was a simple Yahoo Group that grew to huge proportions. It was comprised of people young, and not so young, seeking another way to connect with God through a virtual world of believers. David posted his sermons on line. Cheryl was ever persent in the chat rooms and the Tuesday Night Gatherings to teach and encourage and I posted what were called Bible Shorts that were small thoughts/devotionals for the day. People found security in the midst of this group and found the freedom to grow in Christ and courage. It was a virtual realtionship we had with these people from US Canada, Australia, Brazil, New Zealand (One person actually lived in a place close to where I lived in NZ) and any other English speaking country you can think of. These people weren't really seeking Christ. They were seeking grace and that brought many of them to Christ. This is the new Church. It's not the only way to have a 'new church', but it's a beginning.

I sometimes think...and now we jump to a new subject having to do with Grace On Line.... that if we avoid saying we're Christians it is more likely to draw people. If we say we are offering grace, love, peace and understanding they might come and then we can then present Christ to those seeking a way to reach God.
The Christian Right has so infiltrated the true message of Christ with pollution of hate and legalism that the normal person doesn't want even hear about Jesus. It's sad. I have a friend that is a Buddhist who says she tried to go to church one time, but the message was so filled with hate for anyone not like 'them' (The 'Christians') she said she would never go back. And she didn't. Isn't that sad? Not that she is a Buddhist, but that there was no Jesus in the Christian church she visited. No Jesus for someone searching. That's a very sad, heart breaking thought. A body without a head. Essentially that's what we have here. A body trying to function without a head will soon cease to function. What is wrong with us?

“Hear, O Israel, the Eternal is our God, the Eternal is One.
Blessed be God’s Name and glorious kingdom forever and ever.”
You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your might. And these words, which I [God] teach you this day, shall be upon your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, speaking of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down and when you rise up. And you shall bind them as a sign upon your hand, and they shall be for a reminder before your eyes. And you shall write them on the doorposts of your house and upon your gates.”

I have a question. Scary huh? I think way too much.

The disciples asked Jesus, “Lord, teach us to pray.” Now I don’t know how much you know about the Jewish tradition and religion, but these people pray. They have a prayer for everything you can imagine. Prayer over the bread and the wine and the meat and the cooking of the meat and the cutting of the cooked meat. They pray over the sunrise and the sunset. They pray over the song with a song. They have a prayer for walking in the morning and walking in the evening. They pray while lighting candles and putting the candles out. They pray for Shabbat to begin and end. They pray when hanging the Mezuzah. There is even a prayer for when it rains. I guess what I am saying is that these men knew prayer. What was so different that Jesus had to teach them this different form of prayer? Jesus taught them in Hebrew or Aramaic a prayer we call the Lord’s Prayer. It is a Jewish style prayer that the parts were spoken often. Jesus taught us to pray in and entirely Jewish way. To sanctify the name of G-d, summarize the essential petitions of the ancient Jewish Amidah prayer and concludes with a prayer similar to that of Solomon at the dedication of the first temple. So these words and concepts were not foreign to the disciples.

go here to understand more about this concept

I personally don’t think it was so much in the words that Jesus prayed, but in how he prayed
them. Jesus talked directly to God as a Parent. He called God ‘Abba’, daddy, papa. He used an endearing word to denote the relationship. Jesus spoke to his Daddy and it well could have been His Mommy. To me that says Jesus sat on God’s ‘lap’ and was loved and encouraged by an awesome Creator. Their oneness was such that Jesus felt treasured. I believe that the disciples didn’t want to learn to pray, they wanted to learn how to commune with God. When I pray that prayer at church I always try to remember that we are learning to touch God in the way Jesus explained that we could, by making Him our Parent.

ITL- What bring you to God?

What is it that brings you to communion with God? That was the question tonight at our ‘in the light service’. Steve is back from sabbatical and we are discussing all of the things he learned about emerging worship or ancient worship. We realized that all people have a different trigger. I think this is partly because we all come with our own set of baises and fears. Cheryl doesn’t like choir music because she was forced to listen to it when she was young. She doesn’t care for chant type or organ music because it reminds her of all the religious churches that are based on legalism and that have rejected and damaged gays and lesbians throughout the ages. Jackie loves that kind of music because it reminds her of the time in her life when she came to know God in church. Becky is afraid of water and so the pictures of lakes and oceans are disturbing to her and Amy loves the beach, not just pictures of beaches, but actually touching the sand and the water. Jack doesn’t care too much for children that are not his so the picture of children did nothing for him and yet it touched Cheryl profoundly. I can’t handle the quite very well because my mind wanders. I can worship God better and connect better if I am listening to music or hearing preaching or writing. My thoughts and prayers to God are all written or sung. I carry a prayer in my heart and I speak in silence, but I am not silent. For instance, right this moment I am writing and I am listening to the TV at the same time. I know what is going on in both arenas. A man asked me today if I was listening to both him and talking to amother woman at the same time. I was. And I know what both wanted. My mind runs, but I am constantly seeking God’s word or voice in my life. I think sometimes my “God” hearing is failing. But this worship idea is a round table of ideas and stimuli that move this body towards God. Nature, song, people, children. The one thing that I didn’t see that moves me greatly is animals. I am so in love with the God of creation that I marvel at His works. I picked up a dragon fly yesterday and held it on my finger. It stayed there for a while and then just flew off. It was odd because I had heard something weird on the ground and looked to find this dragon fly flinging itself into the ground repeatedly. It was so bizzare. I actually asked it what it was doing and then picked it up. It seemed to shake off whatever was going on with it and then it flew off. It was really amazing to hold this creature on my finger and just watch it. I was hearing from God just then. You see, I’m strange. I am a woman who loves bugs…for the most part. Spiders are fascinating and snakes are really cool. God made them and it’s amazing! I love the rabbits that run through the fields behind my house. I love the mice, although I don’t want them in my house. Let’s not get craxy I don’t like roaches, although they are amazing, flies or moquitoes. It’s still all amazing to me! ANYWAY, no matter the stimuli, no matter the setting, everyone is different in their quest to know and be known by God. Whatever it is that brings you there, do that thing over and over and over again and do it with all the God passion in your life.

Religion is Weird!

Religion is such a weird thing. IF you follow one of the religions that believes in a God then it’s really weird. That means trusting your life into the hands of that which you cannot see. I want a relationship with a God that is not tangible. I feel in my being that God is, but there is no hand to hold or face to see. As the little boy in the story said, I want someone with skin on. Christians believe that Christ was a real man and that he existed in time, but that was 2000 years ago. He was a man that touched people with his hands and forgave their sins. He was real and tangible. I covet that touch. He came to earth in a time when people were as segregated as we are now. Jews not talking to Samaritans. Romans not talking to Jews. Actually, the Romans didn’t really talk to anyone. Religion seperated people. Slavery, sacrifice, race and power and any number of excuses created separation much in the way those same things do today. The religious leaders of the time had so much power that they were keeping people from relationship with God much the same way as is happening today. Jesus came and said, “You can touch the face of God the same was I do. You can be one with the creator the same as I am and the best part is the only rule is love. Not only that, but I am going to show you how that love looks. I am going to teach you, heal you, forgive you, love you and then I am going to die for you.” I want to know this Man. I want to figure out how to touch Him and how to let Him touch me. How do I do that? I pray and I know in my spirit that something is listening. Something is paying attention to what I have to say and what I feel. So many questions and I have no answers, but I have faith. I have faith. That thing that causes me to trusts in something it cannot see. To act on, for lack of a better word, intuition believing it was God guiding me. This is all I have. It is not all I want, but it is what I believe when I cannot see, that will be counted to me as righteousness in the end. Still, in all of this faith I desire to touch God.In all of this questioning this is my only conclusion. Paul said we are the body. If I touch the believers around me, am I then touching Christ? If I hold the hand of a small child in need am I connecting with God? Jesus prayed to the Creator that we be one as They are one. I think that He meant so many things by that. But if I can’t actually touch Jesus, God or the Holy Spirit, maybe if I connect with my family, the Family of God, then I am connecting with God. BUT, no matter how much I want to actually have physical contact with a God I can’t see, I will never. It is impossible. At least it is within the confines of this limited body. My short term life in this body confines me to the physically tangible experience. Even my spiritual connection with God has a physical ramification. I feel my body react to the love I perceive from God. Adrenaline will rush. Endorphins will be released and I will have a feeling of euphoria and peace. I want to know if that is just me or if it’s real. Is it really God? Even as I ask the question my insides jump in the knowledge that it IS God. God speaks to my spirit and I feel it. It is impossible to explain. Science says its an invention of the mind, but I don’t believe that. I didn’t really have a deep belief in God until I was in my late 30’s. I never felt that assurance until I said “yes” when someone asked me if I wanted to have a different life, a life in Christ. I said aloud on the outside that Christ was the One and my insides changed. Afterward I would be driving in my car not even thinking about God and I would suddenly feel a rush in my bones and know that somehow I was now different. In my whole life of growing up in a religion as a devout Mormon, I never once felt that feeling. I felt love like a liquid filling me up. I could hear the ‘voice of God’ speaking things into my life that I would never have thought on my own. I believe in God. I believe that God loves me. I pray that God reaches down to touch me so that I might know Him/Her. So that I may become one with the One Who made me. God sent Jesus to show me how to connect with God, but I am still seeking the way in this world of confusion. I’ll keep seeking as God promised to seek me.

Ooh ooh pick me! or What it is we really believe about our realtionship with Christ.

So, coming to Christ is not like accepting a present. It’s not like someone doing something nice for you. It’s not like someone taking your place in the electric chair, although that is a part of it. No, I think it’s a little bit like baking a cake. Sort of. Not in the ‘you have to have a recipe kind of way’, but in the ‘once the parts are all mixed up and baked there is no way to take it apart again’ kind of way. To marry something is to make it become one thing. To marry ketchup, mayo and relish you will have one thing called Thousand Island…or Secret Sauce. Once it’s married you don’t get to have just ketchup, mayo or relish by themselves anymore. You will always have TI Dressing. Paul said that the marriage is the great mystery of the Christ and the Church. We are the bride who becomes one with the Bridegroom. We become one in purpose and Spirit and body. We are the body and He is the head. Without the Head the Body cannot function. Without the Body the Head finds it hard to use hands or feet. I am not saying that without us, God or Christ can’t function in the world, but that’s not the point. The point is we are one with Christ so that we can function in this world, bringing the Kingdom of Heaven to Earth. WOW! Think about that. I am not taking a present from Christ when I come to believe in Who/What/Where He is. I am accepting a Marriage proposal. It’s so much bigger than a present. I think about the difference between My S.O. giving me a gift and marrying me. Gifts are a nice thing to have and yes they can be sentimental, but if I had to choose between the wedding ring and the marriage, I would take the marriage.