Things I never thought I would say

Being a mom is a new and exciting adventure and I find that I am saying things that in my normal, sane, non-child influenced life I would never say. I am going to take this opportunity to begin to try to document some of those things. These are the ones I can remember so far.

JAIDA! Don't stick your finger in the dog's...ew.
Please don't color on me.
Jia, honey, we don't draw on people in church.
Is that dog food or cat food in your mouth?
The dog really doesn't want your broccoli.
Don't eat the crayons, rocks, marbles, wood, stickers, toilet paper, magazine, please.
Don't stick your finger in my nose, eye, ear, mouth, please.
No, I don't want a bite of that as I am not really sure of what it might be.
Jadia, please don't bite Liam's foot.
No, diaper cream doesn't go on your face.
When you're done with dinner you don't just throw it on the floor, okay?

Where did you get that pizza? 

Why is my toothbrush wet? 

Funny Little Christians

Why oh why do Christians act like hate mongers? It makes no sense to me in any fashion. They will tell you that they are not filled with hate, but as Jesus described hate as calling your brother a fool, then I say yes they do.
Question: How do we know that we are so right?
Faith. So how, with only faith to go on, basically a gut feeling, can we tell the entire rest of the world that they are wrong and condemned to hell??? WILL SOMEONE PLEASE ANSWER THAT?
This is faith, people. Yes, I believe that Jesus is the Messiah. I believe it with every fiber of my being. But I wasn't there when the Spirit filled Jesus and raised Him from the dead. I wasn't there when Jesus healed the sick and the blind and neither were you.
I have a book in my hand written by men (inspired by God) that tells me these things. Here is the good part. Most of that book was written BEFORE Jesus was born or AFTER Jesus ascended to the right hand of the Father. Meaning that we had to take it on faith from there on out and MEN had to determine the true meaning of what Jesus might have meant. I think that they got it right for the most part. God is Love. Love your neighbor and God and these are all the rule there are to follow. There is now no condemnation to those in Christ. But then we have the I don't let a woman teach me or speak in the church that Paul spoke of. He said that this was him speaking and Not the Lord. It's not a commandment. It's not a law. Paul wanted women to not ask questions of their husbands during the service and it was distracting when they did so is all he meant. At that time women were not educated in the way they are today. They might not have understood the things we do today. My thought I suppose is this. There is tons of good stuff in our Bible and some that is interpreted wrong by people today. With all of this incorrect interpretation someone is bound to be condemned by someone else. God says this and God says that about how you live your life. You can't be a Christian because you're gay. You are going to hell because you're Muslim. The beloved children of God condemned to an eternal existence of torture and pain. I'm not sure what a loving God really has in mind for us, but I am finding it hard to believe that Christ died so people could still go to hell. I'm not sure what either what God has in mind and I don't pretend to know. I do know that God is just and justice not condemnation will be served.
The point is this. You don't know anything for absolute certainty and how can one be condemned by you or me based on a gut feeling? Where is your physical evidence? This isn't even circumstantial. This is hearsay. Jesus told someone who told someone who told us.
My friends who follow Buddha and Islam believe as strongly as we do that they are right and we are misled. Infidels I think they call us just as we call them heathens. Their faith says we are wrong just as strongly as we say they are.
I would love to tell you of my faith and let you tell me of yours and let's leave the judgments to God shall we?

Crazy Coincidence

In my last post I talked so eloquently about teachers and learning the lesson etc. I should really learn to keep mu mouth shut. A few days after this I was laid off from my job for the fourth time in three years. THAT will test your faith! We need for me to work. )As a side note: One more thing I want for my daughter is for her to get a degree....in anything! you don't have to use it you just have to have it.) I have spent the past two weeks looking for a job and it's not been easy. There are not a ton of jobs out there to be had right now and all the scams online test my patience. BUT I have honest to goodness faith that there is something out there that is better for me than the last thing. There always is. The past three years have been a real test. I quit my own business to go into Real Estate. WOW that was bad timing. But I learned so much about how to do so many things that I can take those skill now and get a job that I never would have qualified for in the past. I guess all this means is that I am hoping beyond hope for the best and that hope comes by faith..
I can't stand these doggone lessons!

Interesting things

I have been listening to Wayne Dyer lately and he said something that really struck me. He said, and the quote comes from another source, "When the student is ready the teacher will come."
Now doesn't that sound nice? Student and teacher. Great learning. Deeper Understanding.
It struck me as I thought more intently on this that learning a deep and great lesson is not always what we might expect.
I have been taught so many lessons that I had no desire to learn it's crazy. I never wanted to learn heartache so profound that I didn't want my life to continue. However, having learned that heartache, I can show compassion to those with breaking hearts. I'm not sure I wanted to learn the harsh reality of abuse, but I did. Now I can give sympathy and support borne from experience to those who are being abused or have been in some fashion. Suffering years with Chronic Fatigue gave me a new understanding of those who suffer daily with exhaustion and depression.
On the other side, I have discovered a God love so deep that I know that I am never alone in the universe no matter how far I travel. I have gained a joy so amazing in my daughter and my partner that it has taken up residence in my very soul. I have learned from the gentle nature of my cat who prods me from my work that soft fur can calm the heart.
You see, the teacher comes in many forms and the lessons can be harsh, but the learning makes us complete in who we are. I am not yet complete and the lessons will continue both good and harsh.
I'll thank the teachers now.....I may not want to later.

What I Want My Daughter to Learn

I had an interview yesterday with a woman who is studying 'a group other than her group' meaning she's Mormon and I'm a lesbian. Not that any of this matters, but during the interview she asked me a question that I has been on my mind ever since. That question is, "What do you want your daughter to learn?" At the moment my answer was quite the norm I suppose. I want her to learn to be kind and love others. I want her to know God and that God loves her even more than I do. Nice sweet answers. But I want her to learn so much more.

I want my daughter to learn:

That there is no one in the world more wonderful than she is.
That she is no more wonderful than anyone else.
We are all amazing and wonderful in our own ways.
That animals are fantastic creations that can teach us a great deal about love.
That it is good to ask why.
The reason the sky is blue.
The reason we adopted her.
The three "Rs"
How to cook.
Everything she needs to know to get ahead.
To share.
That the meaning of life is living.
Table manners.
The magic of 'Please and Thank You'.
That sometimes Mom is wrong.
That most of the time Mom is right.
How to apologize when she does something that causes another person pain.
To say please and thank you.
To be strong in the face of defeat.
To be gracious in victory.
To have compassion for others.
To defend those who cannot defend themselves.
To stand up to bullies.
To use her words first.
Tae Kwon Do
How to eat well.
To love exercise and how good it can make you feel.
To fit in and yet still be her own person.
To be proud of who she is and what she believes.
To be respectful of those who believe differently than she does.
That debate is one thing and that arguing is another.
To behave the same when someone is watching as when no one is.
To approach life with an open mind.
To think before she speaks.
To speak the truth in love.
To always have a vivid imagination.
To know that I have never in my life loved anyone or anything, except the Lord above, more than I love her.
To never give or loan anything to anyone that she can't live without.
To be generous with her time and talents as well as her money.
To be wise with her time, talents and money.
To dream big dreams.
To never be afraid of accomplishing big things.
That time is a precious commodity.
To tell the truth all the time.
Be honest with herself as well as others.
That spelling words correctly is very important.
That using good grammar is as important as spelling.
Getting a college degree is by far one of the most important things you need in life!
These are from Grammy:

That Jesus loves you

That Grammy and Grampy adore and love you

That your mommas are very smart and love you unconditionally

That this life is the time to prepare to meet God

That baby kitties smell so sweet

That puppies will bite - but it is all in love.

That turning the cheek isn't easy but worth it most of the time.

That life is short, so we have to try to be good every day.

That hard work is good for the soul.

That where much is given, much is expected.

To be continued.....

I'll have a cup of God, Please

They were talking yesterday on the radio about "Soul Issues". I'm not sure exactly what that means, but the response from the young man about or to whom they were speaking was, "But I go to church every week." Think about that. "I go to church every week." Are we so incredibly blinded by 'religion' that we think 'going to church' is the answer to our soul issues? Before we begin this, let me state emphatically that I think going to church is a good thing and I am in no way opposed to it, BUT going to church isn't ever going to deal with any issues of the soul. The only way to deal with issues of the soul is to discover your conduit to touching the Face of God. I believe that we as humans are created with a certain need, desire, longing to connect with something that is much bigger than we could ever imagine. To capture Joy in a bottle if you don't want to call it God. Having given this some thought I began to realize the obvious. We are so busy filling our lives with junk food time wasters that we don't have time to see that we have forgotten our quest. We play the Wii, we watch "The Girls Next Door", we cruise the internet, we drink, we do drugs, we find anything we can do to avoid being alone with our own thoughts. We seek so desperately to fill that 'soul emptiness', which craves fullness, with anything that comes along. Some people will eat themselves to death to be filled. We all do something. Going to Church is only another thing we do that we think will make us feel full, but for some it only lasts as long as we are sitting in the pew. When we walk out the door it now becomes our responsibility to find that conduit. I know people who don't go to church who will tell you that they know God intimately through skiing. Of course. How awesome to look down on the perfect run on a crisp winter day in the midst of a glorious creation. Imagine taking that deep breath before you push off. How AMAZING! My personal conduit is music. I feel the presence of the holy, the Joy, the Creator, or whatever you wish, when I listen to, sing or write music. It often brings such joy to me that I can't control my emotions and I know that there is something bigger than I am flowing through that sound. Some people write while others paint. My mother rides her horse. Tibetan monks meditate and find that connection in silence. There is something in all of this that is common. There is nothing false or contrived about any of these things. They are creative, introspective or touching nature in some fashion. It is time for us to take a break. Stop right now and take a deep breath. Find your Soul Healing in that conduit. Find your path. Your soul will be satisfied.

Is this Success?

For the second day in a row the Dom and Jane raido show gave me something to think about. Here is my letter to them:

I never have time to call when you guys have the BEST subjects, but it gives me time to think and absorb the gravity of certain things.
While I was contemplating the definition of success I came to a startling conclusion that actually brought a tear to my eye. Let me tell you a true story.
My brother’s girlfriend, whom he loved deeply, contracted ovarian cancer. By the time it was discovered it was much too late to treat. For 6 long and agonizing months she suffered while this nasty disease ravaged her body. In the waning moments of her life the last word she spoke was “Finally.”
Her success was in leaving this life. She was finally released from pain and suffering. She was living for that one moment when she could let go. I came to realize in an epiphany moment that sometimes 'success' is death.
I realized that in our society we mostly think on success as the material. I have nothing against success and money. GOD no! I love money! But my success comes from other things. Watching my baby smile as I come in the door, taking the perfect picture, learning a new skill. My success is the living of life. To others it’s the attaining of the goal. To some it’s leaving this life and moving on to another.
But no matter how we define it success can be life or death and it’s just that simple.

Too depressing? Call me Captain Bring Down.

Soul Mates

This was my response to a discussion that took place on a local radio rpogram Dom and Jane on MIX100. A woman called in and said that everything that happens was meant to happen and

there is really no free will:

Soul mates & meant to happen. WOW! I love this kind of mind candy!
If you believe in a grand design or a designer, call it God, the Power, the Creator, or the Beginning of all things, there are things that are meant to happen or exist. The rotation of the earth, weather and gravity to name a few. Without such we are without life as we know it and the Creator meant to make these things happen. BUT just because weather is meant to be doesn't mean that tornados are meant to rip apart Midwest towns. It doesn't mean that droughts are meant to cause the deaths of millions of people a year. Gravity is not meant to cause airplanes to crash or children to fall out of trees. My supposition is this, things are not meant to happen, but things might happen for a reason. Better stated maybe all of the things that happen have a purpose. This thing that happened…not 'Why did it happen?', but rather "What is there that I can take away from it?". Example, I was in an abusive relationship that ended up with me in the hospital and her in jail. I take full responsibility for the choices I made to get me to that place. IT DIDN'T JUST HAPPEN. I may not be to blame, but we all have a certain amount of responsibility in getting ourselves into certain situations. I digress. My choices are this,
Do I let this ruin me for life and make me a bitter victim….or do I choose to learn from all of it? The pain, the humiliation, the violence are all a portion of what happened. I don't think this was meant to happen, but there is a lesson, purpose, reason I can find to change me for the better?
I was at the train station thinking about exactly the crux in all of this and I came up with the oldest question in the world. "What is the meaning of life?" My answer (for me) is this. The meaning of life is living. Making choices and not having them made for me by some big hand in the sky. There are great things to be learned and explored and enjoyed. The more I live these things the closer I am to that Higher Power let's call it Joy. Not God or etc…. But Joy. If I can find good lessons in bad things that happen then I live closer to Joy. BUT I can also say the egg broke because I dropped it not because anything is destine to occur. I accept my free will and move on with my living life for the purpose of Joy.
Not all people live for Joy and that's fine. It makes things interesting. The meaning of their life is still living. Maybe they are living for Anger or Grief. Unfortunately, these people's lives that are angry and grief stricken sometimes makes it difficult for those of us living for Joy to have a good time. BUT when those bad living people do things that affect good people….we have to find a good thing to take out of it.
And No, it doesn't always work that way. I'm not pie in the sky, but I am out to let eggs get broken and make scrambled eggs.

Kandis