Faith and the Ghost of Nanny G.

I never really knew my grandmother on my mother's side. She died when I was very young. She actually died when she was very young. She was in her forties if I recall correctly. My mom could tell me. I do remember the day she passed. I was maybe 4 0r 5 at the most. We lived in Greeley and I wasn't in school yet so I must have been closer to four. I remember my mom was distraught and I was drinking 7up out of a bottle. The 7up stood out in my mind because we very rarely had pop of any kind. We had Kool-aid. I was too young to understand what it meant that my grandmother had died and what that meant to my mother. The 'she's my mom's mom' didn't equate in my brain. Most of it was a blur from that point. We went to her house and watched as people roamed around and moved things out. I don't remember faces or names. I do remember the emotions and sadness that permeated the group. There was also an odd sense of relief. You see my grandmother was an alcoholic. It is very sad to say that I never knew my Nanny G. because she literally drank herself to death. Sclerosis of the liver took her from us. No, alcohol took her from us. Addiction. Pain. Anguish and Shame took her from us. How do I know? Because a person doesn't drink like she did without having all of those things in her life. I will never know why she didn't stop. I'll never know if she wanted to. I'll never know a lot of things about her.
I do know this. My mother says I must sound like her because I sound like my mom who sounded just like her mom. I am the only one in my family with green eyes just like her. My dad says that she was a beautiful woman. I can believe that because my mother quite a looker. I look like my dad. Not to say that my dad's not a looker:) I just wonder what it would have been like to know her. Am I anything like her at all? Sometimes I think if I look hard enough in the mirror I will see a part of her in me. Can I sing the way I do because of her?
I say all of this because she's around sometimes. I can feel her in my life now and again. I know it sounds odd, but I am not one to deny that she is there watching over me. I hope that she's proud of me even though I never knew her. She says she is....:)

Crazy Coincidence

In my last post I talked so eloquently about teachers and learning the lesson etc. I should really learn to keep mu mouth shut. A few days after this I was laid off from my job for the fourth time in three years. THAT will test your faith! We need for me to work. )As a side note: One more thing I want for my daughter is for her to get a degree....in anything! you don't have to use it you just have to have it.) I have spent the past two weeks looking for a job and it's not been easy. There are not a ton of jobs out there to be had right now and all the scams online test my patience. BUT I have honest to goodness faith that there is something out there that is better for me than the last thing. There always is. The past three years have been a real test. I quit my own business to go into Real Estate. WOW that was bad timing. But I learned so much about how to do so many things that I can take those skill now and get a job that I never would have qualified for in the past. I guess all this means is that I am hoping beyond hope for the best and that hope comes by faith..
I can't stand these doggone lessons!

1111

1111- What the heck is this all about? My partner Cheryl and I have been seeing 1111 in some form of fashion for years. She well before I. The clock, the car, the computer, phone conversations lasting 11min 11 seconds, chalk boards, newspapers, cash receipts... The list goes on. I actually have a collection of 1111 things. We bought a 1/2 gallon jar of olives for a party. We got home and the lid read that it was packed at 1111. The UPS driver tried to deliver a package at 11:11. We know because they left a message on the door. I drove to the wrong house once...the address was 1111. I needed to go one block over. The e-mergency packet a friend at work gave me has 1111% of the daily recommended dose of vitamin C. The phone rings at 11:11 all the time. It's usually Cheryl. Our daughter's birth date 5+2+4=11 Her weight 4+7=11 She was small.... the circumference of her head and her length = 11. It goes on. Our wedding date 0+8+1+0+0+2=11. I suppose if you add the other 2 in 2002 it is 14, but then you have to add the time of the wedding and that was 6 and 1+4+6=11. I guess what I am saying is that this isn't coincidence. I have read many things about what it means and the best one I can come up with is the universe tapping us on the shoulder. By the way....Don't forget that we are all one or 1. Just 1111 Quantum physics and Plankes theory tells us that we are all, at the VERY core of existence, at the very deepest level, connected. I believe that we are and this is how praying for another person works even when they don't know you're praying. Our very own energy is able to effect the atoms around us sending out a message to the other person's atoms around them that there is good energy coming their way.
For anyone who thinks that this is heretical thinking isn't remembering who it was that made this universe and all the laws of physics that govern it. God made everything and then connected it all at the atomic level so that we could have the power of God at our finger tips. We just don't remember that we know this. How do you think faith healing works? The Power of God to effect the physical realm through the unseen. Jesus walked on water. Do you suppose he knew the secret that it's all one?