Faith and the Ghost of Nanny G.

I never really knew my grandmother on my mother's side. She died when I was very young. She actually died when she was very young. She was in her forties if I recall correctly. My mom could tell me. I do remember the day she passed. I was maybe 4 0r 5 at the most. We lived in Greeley and I wasn't in school yet so I must have been closer to four. I remember my mom was distraught and I was drinking 7up out of a bottle. The 7up stood out in my mind because we very rarely had pop of any kind. We had Kool-aid. I was too young to understand what it meant that my grandmother had died and what that meant to my mother. The 'she's my mom's mom' didn't equate in my brain. Most of it was a blur from that point. We went to her house and watched as people roamed around and moved things out. I don't remember faces or names. I do remember the emotions and sadness that permeated the group. There was also an odd sense of relief. You see my grandmother was an alcoholic. It is very sad to say that I never knew my Nanny G. because she literally drank herself to death. Sclerosis of the liver took her from us. No, alcohol took her from us. Addiction. Pain. Anguish and Shame took her from us. How do I know? Because a person doesn't drink like she did without having all of those things in her life. I will never know why she didn't stop. I'll never know if she wanted to. I'll never know a lot of things about her.
I do know this. My mother says I must sound like her because I sound like my mom who sounded just like her mom. I am the only one in my family with green eyes just like her. My dad says that she was a beautiful woman. I can believe that because my mother quite a looker. I look like my dad. Not to say that my dad's not a looker:) I just wonder what it would have been like to know her. Am I anything like her at all? Sometimes I think if I look hard enough in the mirror I will see a part of her in me. Can I sing the way I do because of her?
I say all of this because she's around sometimes. I can feel her in my life now and again. I know it sounds odd, but I am not one to deny that she is there watching over me. I hope that she's proud of me even though I never knew her. She says she is....:)