Mushrooms & Cash

Jaida thinks that mushrooms are, "Mmmmmm delicious!" Interesting.
She told me last night to ,"Chill!" Are you kidding me? Chill? Goodness!
This morning on her way out the door with the nanny to go to the zoo she says, "Can I have some money, Mom?" Ummmm she's 2 and almost a 1/2 and she already needs money. Lord, help us! I gave her a $5. She did say thank you many times over. At least she's grateful.
Her new tactic to staying up later....or trying to anyway...is to say that she "Wants to go in the living room for just 10 minutes. Just 10 minutes, Mom. JUUUUUUUST 10 minutes." What a negotiator!

Funny Kids!

We are snow bound today. That means we are home trying to telecommute and watch a two year old at the same time. How is that going for you? HA! Anyway, Jaida is sitting next to me at the table with the Gold C Coupon book in hand asking me what color I want.

"Mama, you want blue or purple?"
"I want blue."
"Purple?"
"No, blue."
"Okay. You want purple."
"I guess so."

You see how it goes? I get no choice at all and really that's just fine. The other day we were doing an alphabet puzzle and right in the middle Jaida stops looks at me and says, "I can't do this, Mom. I'm too busy."
"You're busy? What are you busy doing."
"I am just busy, Mom."
"Okay. Off you go to your busy 2 1/2 year old life."
I'm not sure exactly how busy a two year old is or what they are doing that makes them so very busy, but it will interrupt the flow of puzzle doing. And I find that quite amusing!

Faith and the Ghost of Nanny G.

I never really knew my grandmother on my mother's side. She died when I was very young. She actually died when she was very young. She was in her forties if I recall correctly. My mom could tell me. I do remember the day she passed. I was maybe 4 0r 5 at the most. We lived in Greeley and I wasn't in school yet so I must have been closer to four. I remember my mom was distraught and I was drinking 7up out of a bottle. The 7up stood out in my mind because we very rarely had pop of any kind. We had Kool-aid. I was too young to understand what it meant that my grandmother had died and what that meant to my mother. The 'she's my mom's mom' didn't equate in my brain. Most of it was a blur from that point. We went to her house and watched as people roamed around and moved things out. I don't remember faces or names. I do remember the emotions and sadness that permeated the group. There was also an odd sense of relief. You see my grandmother was an alcoholic. It is very sad to say that I never knew my Nanny G. because she literally drank herself to death. Sclerosis of the liver took her from us. No, alcohol took her from us. Addiction. Pain. Anguish and Shame took her from us. How do I know? Because a person doesn't drink like she did without having all of those things in her life. I will never know why she didn't stop. I'll never know if she wanted to. I'll never know a lot of things about her.
I do know this. My mother says I must sound like her because I sound like my mom who sounded just like her mom. I am the only one in my family with green eyes just like her. My dad says that she was a beautiful woman. I can believe that because my mother quite a looker. I look like my dad. Not to say that my dad's not a looker:) I just wonder what it would have been like to know her. Am I anything like her at all? Sometimes I think if I look hard enough in the mirror I will see a part of her in me. Can I sing the way I do because of her?
I say all of this because she's around sometimes. I can feel her in my life now and again. I know it sounds odd, but I am not one to deny that she is there watching over me. I hope that she's proud of me even though I never knew her. She says she is....:)

Growing up so Fast!

Time flies so fast. I really never thought it would. When I was young the days would often crawl by, Sundays especially. Now it's October and my daughter is almost 2 1/2. It may not seem like much, but when she was asleep on my chest last night all I could think was how LONG she was. She was only 17" long when she was born and when she curled her feet under her she was just about this big. :) She had her head on my upper chest and her feet were touching my knees. Her cold, bare feet, mind you. IN the middle of the night....in her bed.... You get the picture. But it was love all the way. I went in her room the other night to check on her and thought to myself, "Whose child are you in Jaida's bed? You're so tall! And such a little girl. No longer that tipsy toddler I held hands with as you walked."
My mom said it would go by fast and to be sure and love every minute of it. I'm trying. I remind myself when I want to get angry at the spilled beans all over my carpet (dry beans thank goodness) that she is only two and one day I will miss the beans on the floor. I think I already do.

Super Two Year Old

Okay, the terrible twos are real. OMG! However, while my daughter is cranky, obstinante and honery, she is very polite about it. Jaida have some carrots. "No, thank you." Time to brush your teeth. "No, thank you, Mommy Kandis." Eat your dinner, Jaida. "No, thank you. I no want dinner."

Now mind you I am not ASKING her IF she by chance would LIKE to brush her teeth, eat dinner, have carrots. I am telling her, and yet instead of just saying 'NO! I don't want to.' She replies with a heart felt and at times teary eyed. 'No, thank you.'

I want to be so kind with God. Here is a dose of learning patience, my child. 'No, thank you.' Kandis, you really need a lesson in faith. 'No, Thank you very much, God.' It's not as if He/She is actually ASKING me if I want a lesson in any given virtue. No it's a dose of carrots I really don't want to eat.

Now I know how God must feel. It's funny and cute, but in the end it really doesn't matter what I want. I am going to get my lesson, eat my carrots of faith and there isn't much that I can do to stop it.

No, thank you.

Jaida Speaks

As Jaida gets older, and more versed in her vocabulary, she's not saying so many cute things, but she is a tad more profound. This morning she said , "Thank you, mommy. Not very much. Just a little. Okay?" I had to smile. Thank you just a little. Now that is a very interesting concept. I don't want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I only want to thank you from the TOP of my heart. From the very shallowest portion of my thankfulness. I suppose she's right. There are things you are VERY thankful for....like a new kidney and there are things that you are thankful for on the surface. Like kidney beans. I find it fascinating that she is able to discern between those things she is very thankful for, like milk in the morning, and those things that she is only thankful for a little bit, such as handing her a green marker.

I am deeply thankful for the opportunity to watch her grow and begin to understand that she needs to show thankfulness. That she understands appreciation for what she has and what people do for her. The very fact that she can tell you she only wants to thank you a little bit proves on another level that there are things for which she is very thankful. And that is awesome and I am thankful!

My "Unkind" Jesus

This is in response to a conversation that has been on going in Monday's ITL service.

I want to start this conversation with an approximation of what I THINK I heard and understand about our group leader's understanding of what Jesus was, who he was and what his purpose was while here while in the tabernacle of flesh with us. What I heard was that 'Jesus was not a very kind person', actually that was an exact quote as I wrote it down, and that he was 'following an agenda' during the span of his life. Also a quote. I didn't ever hear any clarification on those statements so I can only assume that that they are a belief held by the person speaking. I've also heard it said that "the pastor says that Jesus said many things that were unkind or Jesus said unkind things...."

Now, taking into consideration those sayings and thoughts, I must make a rebuttal. While the sayings and many teachings of Jesus were hard, I find it difficult to determine that Jesus was in and of Himself unkind. I find it more plausible to say that Jesus spoke the truth and the truth, while not unkind, can be very difficult to hear.

Some would say that he was quite often angry. Perhaps, but his anger was always directed at those who kept people away from worshiping God in the form that they knew and believed would bring them closer to God. His angry dissertation to the Pharisees and Sadducees was out of their haughty application of God's law. They lived worshiping money, seeking praise in the eyes of the congregation and using their power to allow the rich and disallow the destitute.

"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the kingdom of heaven in men's faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to. Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cummin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former.

Much like the people of Sodom and Gomorrah they forgot to care for those less fortunate and the hospitality of God. They ignored Justice, Mercy and Faithfulness. Jesus was not unkind to them. He spoke the very truth he saw.

Some will point to the time when Jesus' mother and brother were waiting at the door for him and he used that moment to teach. It never said that he didn't eventually go out to them. Instead he asked the rhetorical question of, "Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?" 49 Pointing to his disciples, he said, "Here are my mother and my brothers. 50 For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother." While seemingly unkind to his mother, The Blessed Mary Mother of God, his lesson was this; here is the true and eternal family. There is no marriage in 'heaven' as there are no bonds of family. The 'family', THIS family here will be an eternal connection through God. Hard to hear. Unkind? I don't think so.

He called a Gentile woman a' dog' when she l cried after him for attention and healing for her daughter. He didn't actually call her a dog. He called the Gentile nation dogs. He came to teach the Jews and this outsider wanted the blessings, meant for the "Children of God", from him. This email is already too long to explain it all....suffice it to say that her tenacious desire for mercy from Christ was an example to all who read the passage in context. He used her continuous pleas as a lesson to those who were chosen for the feast of Christ. She asked for even the crumbs of the truth he offered. He ultimately healed the daughter as we knew he would. He never turned any away.

To say outright that Jesus was not very kind slaps in the face all that I believe about Jesus. He said the most Kind and Merciful thing I have ever heard or read and likely ever will.

7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." 8 Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

9 At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10 Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"

11"No one, sir," she said.

"Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."

Just to clarify/define sin..That which is NOT of faith is sin. This is sin....if it is not of faith.

The most amazingly kind words I have ever heard. He was offering her GRACE. The kindness of Jesus shines so brightly in this one passage that I need no other to know that the Jesus I follow was a kind and graceful man. "NEITHER DO I CONDEMN YOU!" Meaning: I pass no judgement on you, although I, above all others, have the authority to do so. I want you to go now with the grace that will change the very fiber of who you are, making you into a new person, and follow a life of faith.

There are more examples that I will not go into in depth like things about children coming to him, healing the leper because of his willingness to do so.

Yes, Jesus had an agenda. Spread the truth about who God is. Spread the truth about freedom through Grace. Spread love by example. Love one another as I have loved you. These things are true, but to say that everything that Jesus did was agenda driven is making a mockery of who Jesus was as a person. It takes away any free will Jesus had. The woman with the issue of blood was not a planned step of Jesus agenda and yet she was healed by merely touching his robe.

I guess I just take umbrage at all the "Jesus wasn't very kind, Jesus was politically driven, Jesus had an agenda" view of deity. Jesus was God, the Word who was and is and always shall be. Who dwelt among us for our sakes. 14 The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. And let me add...kindness.

Am I wrong? I don't think so.

I love my life

I went to my 30th HS reunion last Saturday and had a blast. It was interesting to watch all the people interact after such a long time. But the one thing I came away with is how very much I love my life. I know that sounds strange, but hear me out. I pray that I have changed and grown over the years. I saw people who were exactly the same 'partiers' & rock and rollers they were in school. The ones who didn't know when to say when then and now. There were those who were awesome then as now. Then I saw the few who were very different and new in who they were. One woman had lost 150 pounds and was thrilled with who she had become. There was one who through the death of a child had turned to God in a new and amazing way. I found a God who loved me for who I am and I try to let that reflect in the way I am with people. I had one woman come up and tell me to my face what an ass I had been. It was quite a revelation that she saw me that way. BUT it's not a surprise after I think about it. I am an arrogant know it all and I am sure that I was the same way in HS. I hope and pray that I have changed enough for people who knew me then could notice a change in the me I am NOW.

I am happy to see that I have changed. I am happy to see that I have grown in a good way. There was a singer in church who sang a song that basically said I am not who I want to be but thank goodness I am not who I was. Let's pray that in 30 more years I will be proud to say that I am thankful that I am not who I was 30 years ago!

Jaida said....

I love Taz all much! Taz is one of the family cats. Now that's cute! We were at McDonald's in play land and I was trying to get her to come down the slide. I yelled up the'tube' slide to her that I was waiting for her so come on. "No." Come on, J. "No." I love you, J. "Love you, too." Come down the slide. "No. I need help." Come on, sweetheart. Mama's waiting. "No. Mama come help, Jaida. K?" Okay. How can you say no to that?

Jadia found a lighter the other day and brought it to me. She handed it over and asked me to "make it the happy birthday, mommy." Bad she had the lighter...good she knew it would make her happy birthday!

What Jaida Did Today

I sat on the toilet while J wet a brush and did my hair. She made me bend all the way over so that she could reach. It was cold and drippy, but very cute! Yesterday we went swimming and she smiled so much I thought her face would hurt later. She's getting a big girl bed today...she's growing too fast!

How Sad

I just found out that Cheryl's brother in law didn't come to her parents 50th wedding anniversary because Cheryl and I would be there as a couple. In a relationship .... a monagamous...long term...loving amazing relationship. How very sad for him. You see he is a priest. An Episcopal Priest....Father SO and SO....Holy Man of God and teacher of the ways of Jesus. REALLY? Let's have a look.....

Jesus went with the Sumaritian woman at the well to her home town and into her very home. She was the sworn enemy of his people....not only that but she was a woman of more than questionable marital history. The woman of MANY sins washed his feet with her tears and he allowed it even though she wasn't his wife. Jesus chose Matthew the tax collector as one of his closest followers. Jesus told the story of the Good Samaritan. Jesus was humble enough to wash the feet of those who would serve him. Jesus told the woman caught in adultery, the one who who was being stoned, "Neither do I condemn you. Go and your sins are forgiven." Although I don't believe that I am sinful or evil because of my orientation, many others do. But should it really matter if you are a Christ like person and not only that a man of "God"? (This is certainly not MY God who is a God of unconditional love and unending grace.)

Think about this: This is what Jesus had to say to the church leaders...You are a brood of vipers! Hypocrites and white washed tombs filled with dead men's bones. You are dishes that are filthy on the inside and yet are only cleaned the outside. Which one are you, Brian? It's funny Jesus didn't say "Condemn and reject one another as I have condemned and rejected you.  By this shall all men know that you are my disciples, if you have hate and disdain for one another." No. Jesus said, 'LOVE and ADORE one another in just the same manner that I have loved and adored you. Through this action the entire world will see that you are TRUE followers of Me and you have understood my message." LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF! My GOD! 

Where did that message get lost? Must have gotten tangled up in all of those robes they make him wear. 

Ten Years

Many churches today, April 19th, 2009, celebrated Earth Day. That's great! I think it's awesome. Today at my church we commemorated the 10 years it has been since Columbine. It's funny. I don't have to say anything else and you know what I'm talking about. I don't have to mention that it was a tragic day or that innocent children were killed. I don't have to mention the impact it had on the way we live our lives or how we send our children to school. You KNOW what Columbine means. But do you know the victories that came out of that one tragic day in history? 

Patrick Ireland spoke at our church today. He was the young man known as 'the boy in the window'. He spoke at our church because that was the church of his family at the time. His life, after that one day, was forever changed and yet filled with quiet and assured victory. He went on to graduate magna-cum-laude from Colorado State University. He  is now  married and a field director for Northwestern Mutual Financial Network in Denver. He told us this morning that each day is a day that needs to be lived in victory and not defeat. 

It's not just Patrick who lives this way. Charlie Simmons. My buddy! Charlie is one of the most amazing men I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. He was at Columbine that day and now hates the smell of freshly cut grass. They had just mowed the lawn that morning and the scent hung in the air along with the fear and terror. But, Charlie goes through life not wallowing in the events of Columbine, but he lives a life filled with vigor and a spark that is contagious. He serves those around him and even those in foreign lands. It's a good way to live. 

There are others such as Gretchen. A woman with the heart of an angel and a voice to match, a math teacher who took her students under her wings and led them to safety. 

Steve said in his sermon today that heaven and hell met that day. I believe that. And I'm pretty sure that heaven won. 

Things That Jaida Says II

As Jadia gets older by the day she says more and more amazing and amusing things. This is a continuation of my previous post.  

Cheeses loves me for a Bible tell me so! (This to her grilled cheese sandwich)

     "Who is this, J?" (Pointing to a picture of Jesus) 

Punkin King (the man across the street who is famous for carving pumpkins at Halloween. He happens to have long hair and a beard)

Ashes! Ashes! Upside down!

         Phone rings "Who do you think that is, J?"

Proly Grammy (She's probably right)

         I was looking for a certain street while driving. I said, "Hummmm."

"No, Mom."

"No what, J?"

"NO HUMMM!" (ooookay)

'I need gum."

'Want milk...worm" (warm)

Things I never thought I would hear..

Jaida 22 months

The last time we were together I wrote about things I never thought I would say. Well, my daughter is saying things I never thought I would hear. And here are just a few..

Jaida. I bit her tongue.  (Well, at least it was her's and not mine:)

I broke head. (I hate when that happens)

Snow is yucky. No play.  (I agree!)

Go away wall! Go away! (Bumping your head can have adverse reactions)

You do it, mom. You do it. 

Eat it, mom. Eat it! (EWWW No thank you)

No NO! Door! (Stubbing your toe can make you very angry at inanimate objects)

Dolly is poopy. Change diaper (have you ever tried to put a diaper on a Barbie? good luck!)

 Hi Honey! Home.  (I love that!)

I working.  (diaper clad with sunglasses and purse in hand)

I helping.  (usually punching the keys on the computer while I am trying to work)

Airplane in blue sky. (brilliant!)

I drew it a lil bug.  (budding artist)

Mama's 'puter. Put down. (I want your attention)

No like it.  (very opinionated)

Like it. (ditto)

It's winny! (windy)

man have it funny. (huh?)

NO PUSH YOU! BAD MOM! (it was an accident!)

No touch you.

No look you!

No talk you! (NO anything you)

Glasses on head. 

Like it. Goose and mommy. (I like cous cous and edemame)

Potty dance! 

Lalalalalalala  (singing)

Mama Cheryl home. (Mama Cheryl is at home.)

Xena, mon. (Come on Xena (the cat))

Xena, are you? (Where are you)

I hiding. 

are Xena go? (i just screamed at the cat at the top of my lungs while chasing her and I'm not sure where she went or why)

more shubean (More jelly beans)

lellow one ( i want a yellow jellybean)

a mommy go? (She's hiding)

Dammit! (Uh oh)

tickers. i like em (OMG I'm wearing stickers on my tummy! give me more!)

Mommy Cheryl, shake a bottom! Shake it, mommy shake it! (hummm)

The big trucks outside dig dirt. (that's a 7,000 plumbing repair, honey)

There's  lot of dirt! (Yes, there is)

Be naked, mom! (I want to be naked. Mom does not want to be naked)

I bite Jaida's shoes. (She was eating her shoes in the back seat)

More Cocolate (no 'ch' sound) (What woman doesn't love Cocolate?)

Dolly go potty? (Dolly on the potty with Jaida)

Yup, Yip, Yep. (Meaning yes)

Brush Amy Tasha's hair? (Jaida has two Barbie's. Amy and Amy Tasha)

I no sit cat. (Now go say you're sorry!)

Amy Tasha side down. (Amy Tasha is upside down)

Go away shark. Get in the big truck! (REALLY go away shark!)

I drive. 

I go work. Bye bye, Frank! See you layer.

Frank. Chen! (Frankie get out of the kitchen!)

Xena! Peeble! (Xena get off the table!)

           "Hey, J. Are you hungry?"

I want food.  (yes, i'm hungry)

           "What kind of food, J?" 

Orange food, mom. (the best kind)

Knuckles, mom. (We rock! :)

I have pony hair. (pony tails)

There will be more to this as the day goes on. I'll keep you posted:)