I love my life

I went to my 30th HS reunion last Saturday and had a blast. It was interesting to watch all the people interact after such a long time. But the one thing I came away with is how very much I love my life. I know that sounds strange, but hear me out. I pray that I have changed and grown over the years. I saw people who were exactly the same 'partiers' & rock and rollers they were in school. The ones who didn't know when to say when then and now. There were those who were awesome then as now. Then I saw the few who were very different and new in who they were. One woman had lost 150 pounds and was thrilled with who she had become. There was one who through the death of a child had turned to God in a new and amazing way. I found a God who loved me for who I am and I try to let that reflect in the way I am with people. I had one woman come up and tell me to my face what an ass I had been. It was quite a revelation that she saw me that way. BUT it's not a surprise after I think about it. I am an arrogant know it all and I am sure that I was the same way in HS. I hope and pray that I have changed enough for people who knew me then could notice a change in the me I am NOW.

I am happy to see that I have changed. I am happy to see that I have grown in a good way. There was a singer in church who sang a song that basically said I am not who I want to be but thank goodness I am not who I was. Let's pray that in 30 more years I will be proud to say that I am thankful that I am not who I was 30 years ago!

Jaida said....

I love Taz all much! Taz is one of the family cats. Now that's cute! We were at McDonald's in play land and I was trying to get her to come down the slide. I yelled up the'tube' slide to her that I was waiting for her so come on. "No." Come on, J. "No." I love you, J. "Love you, too." Come down the slide. "No. I need help." Come on, sweetheart. Mama's waiting. "No. Mama come help, Jaida. K?" Okay. How can you say no to that?

Jadia found a lighter the other day and brought it to me. She handed it over and asked me to "make it the happy birthday, mommy." Bad she had the lighter...good she knew it would make her happy birthday!

What Jaida Did Today

I sat on the toilet while J wet a brush and did my hair. She made me bend all the way over so that she could reach. It was cold and drippy, but very cute! Yesterday we went swimming and she smiled so much I thought her face would hurt later. She's getting a big girl bed today...she's growing too fast!

How Sad

I just found out that Cheryl's brother in law didn't come to her parents 50th wedding anniversary because Cheryl and I would be there as a couple. In a relationship .... a monagamous...long term...loving amazing relationship. How very sad for him. You see he is a priest. An Episcopal Priest....Father SO and SO....Holy Man of God and teacher of the ways of Jesus. REALLY? Let's have a look.....

Jesus went with the Sumaritian woman at the well to her home town and into her very home. She was the sworn enemy of his people....not only that but she was a woman of more than questionable marital history. The woman of MANY sins washed his feet with her tears and he allowed it even though she wasn't his wife. Jesus chose Matthew the tax collector as one of his closest followers. Jesus told the story of the Good Samaritan. Jesus was humble enough to wash the feet of those who would serve him. Jesus told the woman caught in adultery, the one who who was being stoned, "Neither do I condemn you. Go and your sins are forgiven." Although I don't believe that I am sinful or evil because of my orientation, many others do. But should it really matter if you are a Christ like person and not only that a man of "God"? (This is certainly not MY God who is a God of unconditional love and unending grace.)

Think about this: This is what Jesus had to say to the church leaders...You are a brood of vipers! Hypocrites and white washed tombs filled with dead men's bones. You are dishes that are filthy on the inside and yet are only cleaned the outside. Which one are you, Brian? It's funny Jesus didn't say "Condemn and reject one another as I have condemned and rejected you.  By this shall all men know that you are my disciples, if you have hate and disdain for one another." No. Jesus said, 'LOVE and ADORE one another in just the same manner that I have loved and adored you. Through this action the entire world will see that you are TRUE followers of Me and you have understood my message." LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF! My GOD! 

Where did that message get lost? Must have gotten tangled up in all of those robes they make him wear. 

Ten Years

Many churches today, April 19th, 2009, celebrated Earth Day. That's great! I think it's awesome. Today at my church we commemorated the 10 years it has been since Columbine. It's funny. I don't have to say anything else and you know what I'm talking about. I don't have to mention that it was a tragic day or that innocent children were killed. I don't have to mention the impact it had on the way we live our lives or how we send our children to school. You KNOW what Columbine means. But do you know the victories that came out of that one tragic day in history? 

Patrick Ireland spoke at our church today. He was the young man known as 'the boy in the window'. He spoke at our church because that was the church of his family at the time. His life, after that one day, was forever changed and yet filled with quiet and assured victory. He went on to graduate magna-cum-laude from Colorado State University. He  is now  married and a field director for Northwestern Mutual Financial Network in Denver. He told us this morning that each day is a day that needs to be lived in victory and not defeat. 

It's not just Patrick who lives this way. Charlie Simmons. My buddy! Charlie is one of the most amazing men I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. He was at Columbine that day and now hates the smell of freshly cut grass. They had just mowed the lawn that morning and the scent hung in the air along with the fear and terror. But, Charlie goes through life not wallowing in the events of Columbine, but he lives a life filled with vigor and a spark that is contagious. He serves those around him and even those in foreign lands. It's a good way to live. 

There are others such as Gretchen. A woman with the heart of an angel and a voice to match, a math teacher who took her students under her wings and led them to safety. 

Steve said in his sermon today that heaven and hell met that day. I believe that. And I'm pretty sure that heaven won. 

Things That Jaida Says II

As Jadia gets older by the day she says more and more amazing and amusing things. This is a continuation of my previous post.  

Cheeses loves me for a Bible tell me so! (This to her grilled cheese sandwich)

     "Who is this, J?" (Pointing to a picture of Jesus) 

Punkin King (the man across the street who is famous for carving pumpkins at Halloween. He happens to have long hair and a beard)

Ashes! Ashes! Upside down!

         Phone rings "Who do you think that is, J?"

Proly Grammy (She's probably right)

         I was looking for a certain street while driving. I said, "Hummmm."

"No, Mom."

"No what, J?"

"NO HUMMM!" (ooookay)

'I need gum."

'Want milk...worm" (warm)

Things I never thought I would hear..

Jaida 22 months

The last time we were together I wrote about things I never thought I would say. Well, my daughter is saying things I never thought I would hear. And here are just a few..

Jaida. I bit her tongue.  (Well, at least it was her's and not mine:)

I broke head. (I hate when that happens)

Snow is yucky. No play.  (I agree!)

Go away wall! Go away! (Bumping your head can have adverse reactions)

You do it, mom. You do it. 

Eat it, mom. Eat it! (EWWW No thank you)

No NO! Door! (Stubbing your toe can make you very angry at inanimate objects)

Dolly is poopy. Change diaper (have you ever tried to put a diaper on a Barbie? good luck!)

 Hi Honey! Home.  (I love that!)

I working.  (diaper clad with sunglasses and purse in hand)

I helping.  (usually punching the keys on the computer while I am trying to work)

Airplane in blue sky. (brilliant!)

I drew it a lil bug.  (budding artist)

Mama's 'puter. Put down. (I want your attention)

No like it.  (very opinionated)

Like it. (ditto)

It's winny! (windy)

man have it funny. (huh?)

NO PUSH YOU! BAD MOM! (it was an accident!)

No touch you.

No look you!

No talk you! (NO anything you)

Glasses on head. 

Like it. Goose and mommy. (I like cous cous and edemame)

Potty dance! 

Lalalalalalala  (singing)

Mama Cheryl home. (Mama Cheryl is at home.)

Xena, mon. (Come on Xena (the cat))

Xena, are you? (Where are you)

I hiding. 

are Xena go? (i just screamed at the cat at the top of my lungs while chasing her and I'm not sure where she went or why)

more shubean (More jelly beans)

lellow one ( i want a yellow jellybean)

a mommy go? (She's hiding)

Dammit! (Uh oh)

tickers. i like em (OMG I'm wearing stickers on my tummy! give me more!)

Mommy Cheryl, shake a bottom! Shake it, mommy shake it! (hummm)

The big trucks outside dig dirt. (that's a 7,000 plumbing repair, honey)

There's  lot of dirt! (Yes, there is)

Be naked, mom! (I want to be naked. Mom does not want to be naked)

I bite Jaida's shoes. (She was eating her shoes in the back seat)

More Cocolate (no 'ch' sound) (What woman doesn't love Cocolate?)

Dolly go potty? (Dolly on the potty with Jaida)

Yup, Yip, Yep. (Meaning yes)

Brush Amy Tasha's hair? (Jaida has two Barbie's. Amy and Amy Tasha)

I no sit cat. (Now go say you're sorry!)

Amy Tasha side down. (Amy Tasha is upside down)

Go away shark. Get in the big truck! (REALLY go away shark!)

I drive. 

I go work. Bye bye, Frank! See you layer.

Frank. Chen! (Frankie get out of the kitchen!)

Xena! Peeble! (Xena get off the table!)

           "Hey, J. Are you hungry?"

I want food.  (yes, i'm hungry)

           "What kind of food, J?" 

Orange food, mom. (the best kind)

Knuckles, mom. (We rock! :)

I have pony hair. (pony tails)

There will be more to this as the day goes on. I'll keep you posted:)

Things I never thought I would say

Being a mom is a new and exciting adventure and I find that I am saying things that in my normal, sane, non-child influenced life I would never say. I am going to take this opportunity to begin to try to document some of those things. These are the ones I can remember so far.

JAIDA! Don't stick your finger in the dog's...ew.
Please don't color on me.
Jia, honey, we don't draw on people in church.
Is that dog food or cat food in your mouth?
The dog really doesn't want your broccoli.
Don't eat the crayons, rocks, marbles, wood, stickers, toilet paper, magazine, please.
Don't stick your finger in my nose, eye, ear, mouth, please.
No, I don't want a bite of that as I am not really sure of what it might be.
Jadia, please don't bite Liam's foot.
No, diaper cream doesn't go on your face.
When you're done with dinner you don't just throw it on the floor, okay?

Where did you get that pizza? 

Why is my toothbrush wet? 

Funny Little Christians

Why oh why do Christians act like hate mongers? It makes no sense to me in any fashion. They will tell you that they are not filled with hate, but as Jesus described hate as calling your brother a fool, then I say yes they do.
Question: How do we know that we are so right?
Faith. So how, with only faith to go on, basically a gut feeling, can we tell the entire rest of the world that they are wrong and condemned to hell??? WILL SOMEONE PLEASE ANSWER THAT?
This is faith, people. Yes, I believe that Jesus is the Messiah. I believe it with every fiber of my being. But I wasn't there when the Spirit filled Jesus and raised Him from the dead. I wasn't there when Jesus healed the sick and the blind and neither were you.
I have a book in my hand written by men (inspired by God) that tells me these things. Here is the good part. Most of that book was written BEFORE Jesus was born or AFTER Jesus ascended to the right hand of the Father. Meaning that we had to take it on faith from there on out and MEN had to determine the true meaning of what Jesus might have meant. I think that they got it right for the most part. God is Love. Love your neighbor and God and these are all the rule there are to follow. There is now no condemnation to those in Christ. But then we have the I don't let a woman teach me or speak in the church that Paul spoke of. He said that this was him speaking and Not the Lord. It's not a commandment. It's not a law. Paul wanted women to not ask questions of their husbands during the service and it was distracting when they did so is all he meant. At that time women were not educated in the way they are today. They might not have understood the things we do today. My thought I suppose is this. There is tons of good stuff in our Bible and some that is interpreted wrong by people today. With all of this incorrect interpretation someone is bound to be condemned by someone else. God says this and God says that about how you live your life. You can't be a Christian because you're gay. You are going to hell because you're Muslim. The beloved children of God condemned to an eternal existence of torture and pain. I'm not sure what a loving God really has in mind for us, but I am finding it hard to believe that Christ died so people could still go to hell. I'm not sure what either what God has in mind and I don't pretend to know. I do know that God is just and justice not condemnation will be served.
The point is this. You don't know anything for absolute certainty and how can one be condemned by you or me based on a gut feeling? Where is your physical evidence? This isn't even circumstantial. This is hearsay. Jesus told someone who told someone who told us.
My friends who follow Buddha and Islam believe as strongly as we do that they are right and we are misled. Infidels I think they call us just as we call them heathens. Their faith says we are wrong just as strongly as we say they are.
I would love to tell you of my faith and let you tell me of yours and let's leave the judgments to God shall we?

Crazy Coincidence

In my last post I talked so eloquently about teachers and learning the lesson etc. I should really learn to keep mu mouth shut. A few days after this I was laid off from my job for the fourth time in three years. THAT will test your faith! We need for me to work. )As a side note: One more thing I want for my daughter is for her to get a degree....in anything! you don't have to use it you just have to have it.) I have spent the past two weeks looking for a job and it's not been easy. There are not a ton of jobs out there to be had right now and all the scams online test my patience. BUT I have honest to goodness faith that there is something out there that is better for me than the last thing. There always is. The past three years have been a real test. I quit my own business to go into Real Estate. WOW that was bad timing. But I learned so much about how to do so many things that I can take those skill now and get a job that I never would have qualified for in the past. I guess all this means is that I am hoping beyond hope for the best and that hope comes by faith..
I can't stand these doggone lessons!

Interesting things

I have been listening to Wayne Dyer lately and he said something that really struck me. He said, and the quote comes from another source, "When the student is ready the teacher will come."
Now doesn't that sound nice? Student and teacher. Great learning. Deeper Understanding.
It struck me as I thought more intently on this that learning a deep and great lesson is not always what we might expect.
I have been taught so many lessons that I had no desire to learn it's crazy. I never wanted to learn heartache so profound that I didn't want my life to continue. However, having learned that heartache, I can show compassion to those with breaking hearts. I'm not sure I wanted to learn the harsh reality of abuse, but I did. Now I can give sympathy and support borne from experience to those who are being abused or have been in some fashion. Suffering years with Chronic Fatigue gave me a new understanding of those who suffer daily with exhaustion and depression.
On the other side, I have discovered a God love so deep that I know that I am never alone in the universe no matter how far I travel. I have gained a joy so amazing in my daughter and my partner that it has taken up residence in my very soul. I have learned from the gentle nature of my cat who prods me from my work that soft fur can calm the heart.
You see, the teacher comes in many forms and the lessons can be harsh, but the learning makes us complete in who we are. I am not yet complete and the lessons will continue both good and harsh.
I'll thank the teachers now.....I may not want to later.

What I Want My Daughter to Learn

I had an interview yesterday with a woman who is studying 'a group other than her group' meaning she's Mormon and I'm a lesbian. Not that any of this matters, but during the interview she asked me a question that I has been on my mind ever since. That question is, "What do you want your daughter to learn?" At the moment my answer was quite the norm I suppose. I want her to learn to be kind and love others. I want her to know God and that God loves her even more than I do. Nice sweet answers. But I want her to learn so much more.

I want my daughter to learn:

That there is no one in the world more wonderful than she is.
That she is no more wonderful than anyone else.
We are all amazing and wonderful in our own ways.
That animals are fantastic creations that can teach us a great deal about love.
That it is good to ask why.
The reason the sky is blue.
The reason we adopted her.
The three "Rs"
How to cook.
Everything she needs to know to get ahead.
To share.
That the meaning of life is living.
Table manners.
The magic of 'Please and Thank You'.
That sometimes Mom is wrong.
That most of the time Mom is right.
How to apologize when she does something that causes another person pain.
To say please and thank you.
To be strong in the face of defeat.
To be gracious in victory.
To have compassion for others.
To defend those who cannot defend themselves.
To stand up to bullies.
To use her words first.
Tae Kwon Do
How to eat well.
To love exercise and how good it can make you feel.
To fit in and yet still be her own person.
To be proud of who she is and what she believes.
To be respectful of those who believe differently than she does.
That debate is one thing and that arguing is another.
To behave the same when someone is watching as when no one is.
To approach life with an open mind.
To think before she speaks.
To speak the truth in love.
To always have a vivid imagination.
To know that I have never in my life loved anyone or anything, except the Lord above, more than I love her.
To never give or loan anything to anyone that she can't live without.
To be generous with her time and talents as well as her money.
To be wise with her time, talents and money.
To dream big dreams.
To never be afraid of accomplishing big things.
That time is a precious commodity.
To tell the truth all the time.
Be honest with herself as well as others.
That spelling words correctly is very important.
That using good grammar is as important as spelling.
Getting a college degree is by far one of the most important things you need in life!
These are from Grammy:

That Jesus loves you

That Grammy and Grampy adore and love you

That your mommas are very smart and love you unconditionally

That this life is the time to prepare to meet God

That baby kitties smell so sweet

That puppies will bite - but it is all in love.

That turning the cheek isn't easy but worth it most of the time.

That life is short, so we have to try to be good every day.

That hard work is good for the soul.

That where much is given, much is expected.

To be continued.....

I'll have a cup of God, Please

They were talking yesterday on the radio about "Soul Issues". I'm not sure exactly what that means, but the response from the young man about or to whom they were speaking was, "But I go to church every week." Think about that. "I go to church every week." Are we so incredibly blinded by 'religion' that we think 'going to church' is the answer to our soul issues? Before we begin this, let me state emphatically that I think going to church is a good thing and I am in no way opposed to it, BUT going to church isn't ever going to deal with any issues of the soul. The only way to deal with issues of the soul is to discover your conduit to touching the Face of God. I believe that we as humans are created with a certain need, desire, longing to connect with something that is much bigger than we could ever imagine. To capture Joy in a bottle if you don't want to call it God. Having given this some thought I began to realize the obvious. We are so busy filling our lives with junk food time wasters that we don't have time to see that we have forgotten our quest. We play the Wii, we watch "The Girls Next Door", we cruise the internet, we drink, we do drugs, we find anything we can do to avoid being alone with our own thoughts. We seek so desperately to fill that 'soul emptiness', which craves fullness, with anything that comes along. Some people will eat themselves to death to be filled. We all do something. Going to Church is only another thing we do that we think will make us feel full, but for some it only lasts as long as we are sitting in the pew. When we walk out the door it now becomes our responsibility to find that conduit. I know people who don't go to church who will tell you that they know God intimately through skiing. Of course. How awesome to look down on the perfect run on a crisp winter day in the midst of a glorious creation. Imagine taking that deep breath before you push off. How AMAZING! My personal conduit is music. I feel the presence of the holy, the Joy, the Creator, or whatever you wish, when I listen to, sing or write music. It often brings such joy to me that I can't control my emotions and I know that there is something bigger than I am flowing through that sound. Some people write while others paint. My mother rides her horse. Tibetan monks meditate and find that connection in silence. There is something in all of this that is common. There is nothing false or contrived about any of these things. They are creative, introspective or touching nature in some fashion. It is time for us to take a break. Stop right now and take a deep breath. Find your Soul Healing in that conduit. Find your path. Your soul will be satisfied.

Is this Success?

For the second day in a row the Dom and Jane raido show gave me something to think about. Here is my letter to them:

I never have time to call when you guys have the BEST subjects, but it gives me time to think and absorb the gravity of certain things.
While I was contemplating the definition of success I came to a startling conclusion that actually brought a tear to my eye. Let me tell you a true story.
My brother’s girlfriend, whom he loved deeply, contracted ovarian cancer. By the time it was discovered it was much too late to treat. For 6 long and agonizing months she suffered while this nasty disease ravaged her body. In the waning moments of her life the last word she spoke was “Finally.”
Her success was in leaving this life. She was finally released from pain and suffering. She was living for that one moment when she could let go. I came to realize in an epiphany moment that sometimes 'success' is death.
I realized that in our society we mostly think on success as the material. I have nothing against success and money. GOD no! I love money! But my success comes from other things. Watching my baby smile as I come in the door, taking the perfect picture, learning a new skill. My success is the living of life. To others it’s the attaining of the goal. To some it’s leaving this life and moving on to another.
But no matter how we define it success can be life or death and it’s just that simple.

Too depressing? Call me Captain Bring Down.

Soul Mates

This was my response to a discussion that took place on a local radio rpogram Dom and Jane on MIX100. A woman called in and said that everything that happens was meant to happen and

there is really no free will:

Soul mates & meant to happen. WOW! I love this kind of mind candy!
If you believe in a grand design or a designer, call it God, the Power, the Creator, or the Beginning of all things, there are things that are meant to happen or exist. The rotation of the earth, weather and gravity to name a few. Without such we are without life as we know it and the Creator meant to make these things happen. BUT just because weather is meant to be doesn't mean that tornados are meant to rip apart Midwest towns. It doesn't mean that droughts are meant to cause the deaths of millions of people a year. Gravity is not meant to cause airplanes to crash or children to fall out of trees. My supposition is this, things are not meant to happen, but things might happen for a reason. Better stated maybe all of the things that happen have a purpose. This thing that happened…not 'Why did it happen?', but rather "What is there that I can take away from it?". Example, I was in an abusive relationship that ended up with me in the hospital and her in jail. I take full responsibility for the choices I made to get me to that place. IT DIDN'T JUST HAPPEN. I may not be to blame, but we all have a certain amount of responsibility in getting ourselves into certain situations. I digress. My choices are this,
Do I let this ruin me for life and make me a bitter victim….or do I choose to learn from all of it? The pain, the humiliation, the violence are all a portion of what happened. I don't think this was meant to happen, but there is a lesson, purpose, reason I can find to change me for the better?
I was at the train station thinking about exactly the crux in all of this and I came up with the oldest question in the world. "What is the meaning of life?" My answer (for me) is this. The meaning of life is living. Making choices and not having them made for me by some big hand in the sky. There are great things to be learned and explored and enjoyed. The more I live these things the closer I am to that Higher Power let's call it Joy. Not God or etc…. But Joy. If I can find good lessons in bad things that happen then I live closer to Joy. BUT I can also say the egg broke because I dropped it not because anything is destine to occur. I accept my free will and move on with my living life for the purpose of Joy.
Not all people live for Joy and that's fine. It makes things interesting. The meaning of their life is still living. Maybe they are living for Anger or Grief. Unfortunately, these people's lives that are angry and grief stricken sometimes makes it difficult for those of us living for Joy to have a good time. BUT when those bad living people do things that affect good people….we have to find a good thing to take out of it.
And No, it doesn't always work that way. I'm not pie in the sky, but I am out to let eggs get broken and make scrambled eggs.

Kandis

1111

1111- What the heck is this all about? My partner Cheryl and I have been seeing 1111 in some form of fashion for years. She well before I. The clock, the car, the computer, phone conversations lasting 11min 11 seconds, chalk boards, newspapers, cash receipts... The list goes on. I actually have a collection of 1111 things. We bought a 1/2 gallon jar of olives for a party. We got home and the lid read that it was packed at 1111. The UPS driver tried to deliver a package at 11:11. We know because they left a message on the door. I drove to the wrong house once...the address was 1111. I needed to go one block over. The e-mergency packet a friend at work gave me has 1111% of the daily recommended dose of vitamin C. The phone rings at 11:11 all the time. It's usually Cheryl. Our daughter's birth date 5+2+4=11 Her weight 4+7=11 She was small.... the circumference of her head and her length = 11. It goes on. Our wedding date 0+8+1+0+0+2=11. I suppose if you add the other 2 in 2002 it is 14, but then you have to add the time of the wedding and that was 6 and 1+4+6=11. I guess what I am saying is that this isn't coincidence. I have read many things about what it means and the best one I can come up with is the universe tapping us on the shoulder. By the way....Don't forget that we are all one or 1. Just 1111 Quantum physics and Plankes theory tells us that we are all, at the VERY core of existence, at the very deepest level, connected. I believe that we are and this is how praying for another person works even when they don't know you're praying. Our very own energy is able to effect the atoms around us sending out a message to the other person's atoms around them that there is good energy coming their way.
For anyone who thinks that this is heretical thinking isn't remembering who it was that made this universe and all the laws of physics that govern it. God made everything and then connected it all at the atomic level so that we could have the power of God at our finger tips. We just don't remember that we know this. How do you think faith healing works? The Power of God to effect the physical realm through the unseen. Jesus walked on water. Do you suppose he knew the secret that it's all one?

Changing Perspectives

You know there are so many times in our lives that we come to pivital points and make decisions that change everything. Or we discover things about ourselves or those around us that refocus the way we see things in our lives. Take having a child as an example. My Partner and I just adopted a gorgeous little girl who will just make your heart melt. No one could have told me how MUCH my life would change at the very moment she took her first breath. EVERYTHING changed. My life is no longer my own. I live to see her and touch her and hold her close. I would die to see her smile if that was what it would take. Instead I sing "99 Bottles of Milk on the Wall" and that does the trick. I make a fool of myself for her. Not that I didn't before, but now I have a reason. When someone told me that my life would be different, I thought, ' I'm sure it will.' HA! I listened, but I had no capcity to hear. Come to find out it was more than a change, it was a complete undoing and rebuilding and the construction is still occurring. When someone used to say, "Unless you have a child, you can't understand." I was insulted and yes damn it I do understand. Again, HA. No I didn't and no you can't either unless you have a child.

I have a new and profound appreciation for my own mother who raised five of us. 5 CINCO FIVE. That was another thing you could have said. 'You won't really love your mother until you have children of your own.' Now I did love my mother, but now that love comes with understanding of a sacrifice that I had no comprehension of before that. Mothers give up everything for their children....well not everything. I still work and I still love to play on my computer, but now I go to work keeping in mind that baby needs diapers. I sit at the computer while she plays with the keys.
I see my friendships differently and unfortunately they are divided into who loves my child and who doesn't. That maybe harsh, but the ones who have children and who love children see the world through similar glasses now.
We see with baby goggles.

Blood or No Blood?

Yes ladies and germs- It's been a very long time and yet it seems that nothing changes and yet it changes all the time. It's confusing.
I was talking with my partner to other day about our church. We have a nice little church that we go to that could drive you nuts if you think too hard about it. The pastor is awesome! I will give it that. We have made great friends! I'll give it that. But it is SERIOUSLY lacking in passion for Christ. Christ is the corner stone and yet He gets treated as another brick in the wall sometimes. I have run into people who are more interested in politics and making sure that you are on the correct side of the political line than they are interested in who Christ is and exactly what a relationship with Him means. It bugs me some days. We talk a lot about "God", but are afraid to mention the name of Jesus so that we don't offend the people who came who are not Christians. Now, Steve is good about talking the Jesus talk, but not in that 'we all need to learn about who this man in " kind of way. Maybe this is how most 'middle of the road' churches are. It's odd. This is what I would call a 'liberal' church in it's ideals and yet the worship and service is SOOOO middle of the road old fashioned that it creaks. Old Methodist and Presbyterian services from 100yrs ago. Sure the music is upbeat...but the service isn't.
You see, I have a passion for Christ! I have a deep down love and appreciation for His sacrifice. It makes me want to jump and shout. It makes me want to raise my hands and thank God for it all!
Here is an example. We were actually having a debate at music practice the other night as to whether or not we could sing about the "Blood Of Jesus" it might offend people. Excuse me? Isn't that part of the reason we follow Christ? Isn't His sacrifice the example of our actions? Isn't the resurrection and the power therof what we seek to attain? Paul said "I want to know nothing except Christ Crucified and the POWER of His resurrection." How do we have a resurrection without the crucifixion? How are we washed clean with the blood if there is no blood? Jesus in Mark 14:24 says "This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many," he said to them." The blood covenant. How can this happen without the Blood?
Ah well, let's not offend anyone with Jesus, shall we not?

A lot to thnk about

I'm not too great at having anything profound to say, but I'll try. I gave the 'lesson' at ITL two weeks ago and here was the topic for discussion. "Why do bad things happen to Good People?"
A thought just this very moment came to me as I was typing that. What makes us think we're good? I' mean think about it. If this is a fallen world and all of our 'good works' are as filthy rags in the eyes of God...what makes us think we're so very good and deserving of good things. Now I know what you 'graceies' are going to say...God is good all the time. We are all offered the same grace as the next guy. Yadayada! This is what I say to that...God is God perfect in all ways. Perfectly just. Pefectly balanced. Bad things happen and God lets them happen. Why? Because He is smarter than we are. That's why. Bad things happen because this is not aworld controled by God.....NOOOOOOOOOOOOO that is blasphemey! Well, not really, God let's men control their own actions. People are dying in Africa at astounding rates because bad men run the governments. And no matter how much money we throw at the problem, bad men will make it of no effect. Children are abused because evil people are abusive.
It all started in the beginning and it's been happening ever since. Evil happens so that free will can exist. Illness and death are a result of contamination. This is a broken and contaminated world and illness is not choosy about its victim. Young, old, healthy, weak, male and female. Shit happens!
I had an interesting conversation with an agnostic one time and she said why doesn't God stop all of this if 'it' exisits. I said, "If He/She did then free will would have to disappear and we would be slaves." "Well, why doesn't God listen and answer our prayers?" Now that's a tough one. I do believe that God answers prayers in God's time and in God's resoning. I also believe that Maybe...just maybe...you might have to believe in God in some way to have it happen. Granted, some people have more of an 'in' with God, but in the long run I think on some level you have to say "yes" there is something bigger than me. AND we can't ask for world peace becasue it will never happen as long as free will is part of the plan. Men don't like to be peaceful. We like to be jealous and mean and scared and power hungry and angry. We like to take advantage of others for our own good.
See?
Bad things happen because we are a free group of evil people. Don't blame it on God. Take a look in the mirror.

It's been too long!

I am not as liberal as I would appear. I have differing views on social programs and fiscal responsibility. HOWEVER, I think both sides of the fence are not without 'sin'.
As far as marriage goes, I think that less and less has to do with whether it works or not. More and more I think it has to do with societal norms. Everyone (okay 50% of everyone) gets divorced. I think that stat is low because fewer people are getting married and yet still producing families that eventually break apart. I know very few people who have not been divorced. I want to know where the other half of this 50% are!
Serial Monogamy and the Lesbian. That is such a loaded title. Women are so much different than men and yet we are not..........it just takes us longer to sleep with someone else. Men can do it in a night....women take two years. I think it comes attached to the Lesbian gene that and the U-Haul Syndrome. Seriously though, women become attached very quickly and fail to go through any courting rituals or engagement periods. I really believe that the only reason my partner and I have stayed together is because I was in New Zealand for a year after we had only been seeing each other for seven months. We were apart long enough to get to really know each other. Trust me, long distance relationships can work as long as there is an end in sight. When I came to know Christ I gave my sexuality and relationships to Him and I was single for almost 4 years. For me that was unheard of. I was never out of a relationship for more than a week. If someone broke my heart I was ready to patch it up with a new lover. With that mind set of never wanting to be alone, I constantly chose anything and everything that was available to me. None of which was healthy. JUST BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO BE ALONE. Isn't that the reason we do these things instead of waiting for God to bring that one person to us that would give us the best chance at longterm relationship? So what am I trying to say in all of this?

I think society almost expects divorce. Thus it makes it so very easy to break up and not work to stay together. We leave if we're not happy about the toothpaste cap or the way the other person breathes.
Answer these questions:

Do you have to tools to make it work?
Do you know enough about how the other person views the world around them?
Are you willing to find out instead of thinking about yourself all the time?
It takes both parties to want a healing.
Got it?